See what I did there? I made a pun!
Get it?
Everything butt? And this is an entry about ass play?
Man, I kill myself.
So.
Ass play is a BIG thing in the world of kink.
On any given day it can seem like everybody and their grandma is taking something up the back passage, and everybody else is inserting something into someone's rear door.
First-
There's nothing wrong with having a firm "NO ENTRY" policy for your bum. Just because everybody seems to be doing it doesn't mean that you have to as well, if that's not your cup of tea. I tend to think that kinky play should be fun and enjoyable and that there's not much point in play that is neither of those things for you.
Of course, because it is such a common kink, this might mean that you'll be limiting your dating pool if you limit your ass play, but rest assured- There are D-types out there who couldn't care less about poking you in the brown eye. You'll just have to find that person.
And you can feel free to ignore any weenie who says "If you don't take it up the butt you're not a real (tm) sub!" Or you can tell that person that I think they're a tool. Whatever floats your boat.
Now, that taken care of...
Ass play can be a fun and enjoyable activity for both sexes (obviously, otherwise so many folks wouldn't do it).
In men it can stimulate the prostrate gland and in both sexes it can enhance sexy fun times by stimulating the nerves surrounding the anus (such a sexy word, anus). In women it can also contribute to a feeing of pleasant fullness, especially when paired with a vaginal toy or penis. add some vibrations and good times can be had by all!
If you're a complete novice there are some safety considerations to keep in mind:
Unlike the vagina, the anus and rectum are not naturally lubricating.
Investing in a quality lubricant is a very good idea as it will help prevent harm and can make the experience much more enjoyable for the receiving partner.
There is a size limit.
Also unlike the vagina which are designed to deliver a baby, the anus and rectum only expand so much. There are these nifty bands of muscle, called sphincters (a sphincter says what?), that handily keep poop from plopping out all over the place. Nobody wants to be walking around with poop falling out randomly, or to have no choice but to wear a diaper, so pay attention to any "OMFG! THAT HURTS! STOP!" signals. If those muscles tear, you're in a shit load of trouble. Unless incontinence is your thing, then carry on. Start small and work your way up, if that's what you so desire.
Things can get lost in there.
The vagina has a cervix, this nifty bit of anatomy limits the length of an object one can insert and it also creates a handy stop point- Most things inserted can be retrieved.
You ass does not have a cervix.
Everybody has heard the stories of folks who have to go to the ER and have some lost object fished out because "Oops!"
Using a toy specifically designed for anal use is a really really good idea.
A "good" anal toy will have a the body of the toy, perhaps a smaller "stem," and a flared base that will prevent accidental toy loss. I would suggest something that's at least half an inch wider than the stem area.
It is a VERY BAD idea to go from ass to mouth or ass to vagina!
Some folks do this.
I think they're stark raving mad.
Fecal matter contains a plethora of nasty microorganisms that can cause serious illness, infection, or death. Salmonella Yersinia and E. coli O157 are some of the more commonly known pathogens transmitted via fecal matter.
Sometimes poop is funny, some times it's not.
In a related not- If you want to use anal beads, look for beads that are made in one piece, are coated with non-porous material, or strung on a non-porous "string." Beads threaded on cotton string can harbor bacteria. Plus, they're impossible to get clean and end up looking pretty funky.
Safety covered (ish, there might be more I'm forgetting. Feel free to point out stuff I've over-looked and I'll edit this post), what concerns do novices generally have?
POOP!
Yep. Your delicate pink bud (according to certain romance writers) contains some icky brown shit. You have two options to deal with this unsightly mess- You can deal with it or you can administer an enema or two to "clean" things out.
Most folks interested in anal sex or ass play recognize that shit happens and it's not a big deal. You do your thing, wash yourself or your toys (or both) off, and it's just something you sort of ignore.
Other folks who are might be a bit more fastidious about the contents of their rectum choose to use an enema. Personally, I've never used one so I can't describe them- But they're readily available at pretty much any pharmacy, so plenty of other folks must have. I do hear that you should avoid medicated enemas and use plain warm water. I guess that some of the medicated ones can relax the second sphincter and make a mess of the area you just cleaned.
Does it hurt?
Ideally, no.
It can vary from uncomfortable or unpleasant to being the best thing ever, depending.
It really does help to cut down on discomfort if you relax (while you're sitting there, where ever you are, clench your bum hole and then push slightly- That's the relaxed feeling you want), and use a good lube. Most anything will work, though silicone is slower to absorb and you want to avoid anything that claims to have a numbing effect- You need to be able to tell if it hurts bad enough to stop. Being numb increases your risk for injury.
It can also help if your partner follows your lead for as long as it takes you to become comfortable.
I've heard it's amazing... Is it?
Honestly, I'd rather make a nice, satisfying poop than have anal sex. It's never done much of anything for me. Some people say it's better than pie, some people feel the way I do, some are "meh" about it... How it feels really depends on you, and if it doesn't feel good? There's nothing wrong with you.
But! It can help your enjoyment of the experience if you find it lack-luster if your partner stimulates other erogenous zones, like your nipples, clit, or g-spot.
I do however like anal toys... But that's probably because they're not the main event so to speak, more a side show attraction.
What needs lube?
Everything.
Seriously.
Put some lube on your anus.
Put some on a finger and use that to lubricate your sphincter (added bonus: this can also relax the muscle a bit).
Lube up your toys and lube up your partner.
You can never have too much lube.
Helpful Hint: If you're concerned about all this lube getting on your bedding/furniture/what-not, lay down a towel.
Do I need a condom?
While it's next to impossible to get pregnant from anal sex, it is possible to transmit STIs. If you are concerned with STIs, are not "fluid bonded" to your partner, or have multiple partners, condoms are a better safe than sorry thing to keep on hand.
Also, if the toys you're using are not your own, consider using a condom with them unless you can be certain of their cleanliness.
*Some lubricants are not safe to use with some condoms. Check the box for instructions!
What about after...
Well, you're probably going to feel the need to use the bathroom.
If you do, this is pretty normal and nothing to worry about.
Some cramping is also normal as is a little blood on your stool or TP (you might want to be a little more careful next time, use more lube, or a smaller toy).
Baby wipes are handy to have around for quick clean-up.
You also might need some time to rest between ass play sessions- This is OK. You can set the pace here, unless you've negotiated otherwise (I would wait on negotiating otherwise until you know how you will react to ass play).
What about "training"?
Well, some folks swear by it, that by gradually increasing the size of the toy they put up their bottoms they can eventually accommodate larger objects (helpful for a well-endowed partner)... And if you want to go this route, more power to you and it may help some. I personally think that this would be a situation where slow and steady would be the way to go.
But- It is never going to permanently "loosen" your sphincter muscle, which is something you probably don't want happening (remember that plopping poop from earlier?). If it hurts- Stop.
What if I'm done playing with a toy? What then?
Some folks like to have their partner remove the toy, some prefer to do it themselves. Personally, I'm a Do-It-Yourselfer. I like the privacy the bathroom affords and I can push the toy out on my own while gently (GENTLY!) pulling.
If you prefer to have your partner's help, feel free to remind them of the gentle part of the toy removal. It can hurt to remove a toy too fast (unless that is also your thing, then have at!).
When the toy is out, wash with soap and hot water, dry, and then return it to the toy box- Or bag.
And I think that's it. Or at least what I can recall at the moment.
