Yesterday, out of curiosity, I trolled FB (of all places) for groups geared towards submission. I found one, labeled as a "help group" or some such thing and decided, "What the hell, Squeaky. We've got nothing better to do (other than playing Farm Saga), let's join this here groupie thinger." So I joined, got approved, it was a closed group, and began reading.
Five minutes in and I just wanted to start banging my head against my keyboard until my skull ruptured and my brains spilled out. The only reason I refrained was because Cookie would be traumatized, and I didn't want to traumatize him. I like Cookie.
It's all very One True Way, Thou Shalt Not Sub Any Way But Thy One Twue Way, Amen-ish.
And I know it's meant to be helpful- I know that... But really, how helpful is it when you're offering newbies only one perspective and everybody in the group parrots your Holy Grail of BDSM?
There's a note about collars taken from someone else's blog, outlining the various "meanings" of collars (including one that I'd never heard of in my 18 years of doing WIITWD) and how EVERYBODY doing D/s believes and agrees with the author because it's Real & True...
No mention of the fact that not everybody uses collars, that some folks only view them as another toy in the box (even deeply committed We-Own-A-Home-Have-Kids-And-Dogs-Together-And-Are-Married people), not all people follow the "stages" of collaring...
There was a note about how to recognize a "Profound Submissive" (even if they didn't know they were a "profound submissive"...
And I read it and thought... OK, maybe that's someone who is extremely submissive in both personality and orientation, but it could just as easily be someone who had a profoundly submissive personality and had no interest in D/s, someone who had such horrible issues enforcing boundaries and standing up for themselves that perhaps therapy might help, or someone who had suffered through years of abuse and had no sense of self left... It just seemed rather shady to label that person and treat them like a submissive when that might not be who they are or how they want to be treated.
There were notes on "Rules for Submissives" (My favorite was "Be Humble" followed closely by "Respect and obey your top and expect punishment if you don't." Never mind that not all dynamics include punishment).
A Note on how to be a real Dom (Including rules for All Doms).
Something about etiquette to observe during a munch- A MUNCH! About the most Vanilla kinky gathering one can go to where there is no "etiquette" because it's in a public, vanilla space and Dog forbid we squick the 'Nillas!
*************************sigh*
So I doubt I'll last there very long. I won't quit- Someone has to pipe up and say "Hey, the only right way to do it is the way that works for you and your partner/s..." and I have the feeling that will go over like a fart in church.
Until then, it just reminds me why I write this bloggy thing. So there's another perspective available for the folks who feel that they have to shoe-horn themselves into someone else's idea of Real & True BDSM and end up being frustrated, unfulfilled, and possibly harmed because that R&T idea isn't a good fit for them.
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