S&M and D/s and Stupid Stereotypes

S&M
Sadism & Masochism.
Sadists & Masochists.
People who enjoy inflicting pain & People who enjoy having pain inflicted on them.

I like S&M. Really dig it. It's awesome.
I relish the idea of having some happily squirming person at the end of whatever hitty-whappy-beaty toy I'm wielding...

*Insert needle screeching across a vinyl record here.*

Yeah, I'm a sadist.
I'm also a submissive.
And I bet a few brains just broke with that revelation, didn't they?

Submissives are the folks who get off on pain, right? That's what every single bit of erotica and pornography claims anyways. It's such a pervasive stereotype that people pretty much automatically assume that submissive equals masochist.

And that sucks.

It sucks for the submissives who don't enjoy painful play because when they're new and uninformed they've got this stupid stereotype dictating their behavior. They've got this idea that in order to "Do It Right" they have to put up with play that doesn't interest them or that they don't enjoy, because submissives are masochists.

It sucks for the new dominants who don't enjoy inflicting pain but who have seen that stereotype as well- Doms are sadists. All Doms, all the time, everywhere. To be a proper, real and true Dom, you've got to beat the hell out of your submissive.

It sucks for the tops and bottoms who have no interest in D/s because if they just like feeling pain it's automatically implied that they're submissive and if they like dealing out pain then they must be a Dom, even if all they want is the play and no authority exchange.

So here's the low-down on painful, kinky play-

S&M has nothing to do with what side of the D/s slash you fall on.

Some submissives are masochists.
Some submissives are sadists.
Some submissives want nothing to do with doling out or receiving pain.

Some Dominants are masochists.
Some Dominants are sadists.
Some Dominants want nothing to do with doling out or receiving pain.

Some masochists are submissive.
Some masochists are dominant.
Some masochists want nothing to do with authority transfer.

Some sadists are submissive.
Some sadists are dominant.
Some sadists want nothing to do with authority transfer.

See how that works? What side of the slash a person falls on can have nothing to do with how they feel about S&M. In the same vein, what side of the ampersand a person falls on can have nothing to do with how they feel about authority transfer.

And I thought about this today because I ended up on a pretty well read blog that was going on and on about how all submissives love pain and how they all get off on it and how it's their duty to participate in pain play because they are submissives... And it annoyed me.

It annoyed me because that person was talking out of her ass and needed to get off the internet before she got someone hurt in a bad way with her Real & True tripe. It annoyed me because she obviously didn't have an original thought in her silly, vapid little head, and was parroting shit from popular porn and erotica. It annoyed me because it was being presented as "true" when it was anything but.

So I vented.
I can do that, what with it being my blog and all.

And hopefully, somewhere out there, a new submissive won't feel like she has to endure unwanted painful play, or a new Dom can happly get his bum smacked, or a new top or bottom won't feel like they have to get suckered into a D/s relationship, because now they know better.

*Cue 80's PSA tune: "The more you know... Knowledge is power!"*