He's so Vanilla!

Most of us are not born knowing that we're submissives.

In fact, a great many of us won't have figured it out until well after our births when something clicks and we get that "Eureka!" moment.

Some of us get lucky and we figure it out sooner rather than later, but there are pretty good odds that when we figure out that "submissive" is the role we want to take in our relationship we're already going to be involved in a vanilla relationship with a vanilla guy.

That can really suck. A lot.

I mean, here's this guy who's pretty awesome (You're with him so hopefully he's pretty awesome), you might love him or have very strong feelings for him. You've probably invested quite a bit of time into the relationship, you might have even married the guy... But then lightning strikes and you realize that as great as Mr. Vanilla might be, you'd really like a Dominant in your life, but you'd like to keep Mr. Vanilla too (what with him being awesome and all).

So what can you do?

You could run off to the nearest kinky website and get yourself an online "Master" on the side ASAP.
Not a recommended course of action because as the saying goes, "If he's willing to cheat with you, he's willing to cheat on you."

You could start leaving hints and hoping your guy picks up on them.
He won't. Hints and men generally don't mix well. They're like oil and water. The hints will bounce off him and he will remain clueless.

You can scour the internet for people who have faced your same dilemma and read what they've done in your situation.
This one is a winner, although you may not like some of the answers because not every vanilla + s relationship has a happy ending.

What those women will tell you is that they eventually had to talk to their vanilla partner about their relationship desires. They'll tell you that the talk was probably pretty difficult and uncomfortable, but there is a lot to learn from how they had their talk-

Unless he's already a closet kinkster, you'll want to take it slow and not over whelm him. Old dogs can learn new tricks, but they're not going to be able to learn 50 new tricks in one sitting. The same logic applies to your guy- Pick out the most important element of your desires and present it in a simple way that he can easily understand.

If you'd like him to lead more you could present it as a 50's style head of household arrangement, like what he may have seen in Leave It To Beaver. There's nothing threatening about Ward and June, in fact they seemed pretty happy together as Ward led and June doted on him- And honestly, who doesn't like being doted upon?

Want your sex to be a bit rougher? Asking him right off the bat to spank dat ass and call you a dirty hussy might turn him off, but a tickle fight or playful wrestling match (naked, of course) could possibly be a very fun introduction to the less-gentle side of sex.

Is bondage what gets your motor humming? You might be ready for the industrial strength locking leather cuffs you peeped on Sinvention's site, but he'll likely be less threatened by neoprene cuffs from Lover's Lane or a silk scarf you snag from the clearance bin at TJ Maxx.

If you're not ready for The Big Talk you can always sound the waters (but fair warning, it might not get you anywhere fast) by renting the silly Exit To Eden or off-kilter The Secretary to gauge his response or point out things that might be fun to try (Not the saddle! Not for his first time!). Or, to keep things feeling more playful, you could gamble for forfeits with pretty much any game- If he beats you at Clue! perhaps he gets to spend the day playing Lord of The Manor, if you win... Well, I suppose then you get to pick.

Wink-wink, nudge-nudge.

But the key (I think) is to keep things light at first and fun. If it's fun he's more likely to enjoy himself and if he enjoys himself he might be willing to try more things. And more things. And hopefully even more things...

And don't forget to talk to him. Ask him how he feels- Did he enjoy what you guys tried? What was his experience? How could you both make it better next time?. If he goes out of his comfort zone and tries make sure you let him know how much you appreciate him trying, and how much you enjoyed whatever he was willing to give a shot.

It's not easy getting that vanilla guy to go kink-flavored, but it might be possible with a lot of patience on your part and some willingness to explore on his. I wish you good luck- Both of you).