BDSM Safety: "Breaking"

Usually I just allude to the things I've seen that trigger an urge to write, probably because the trigger isn't as important to me as the topic is. Yesterday though, I saw this post in a forum and it got me thinking:

"So Daddy and I are also a Master/slave relationship as well. The issue is that I have a VERY dominant (not sexually) personality. If I want something I will push and push and push until I get it. Likewise, if I don’t want to do something, I won’t. I’ll get almost MAD if I’m pushed to do it. Being lazy doesn’t help this either. BUT I’m really weird.. I want someone to not give up. Someone to not get discouraged when I get pissy when forced to do something. I want to be broken into a real slave. I know that that probably doesn’t make any sense.. Is it even possible?"

Part of me understands the desire to be "broken" and why it's such a common theme for new submissives- Being broken removes responsibility. If you're broken you don't have to make yourself submit, you don't have to face your own insecurities, hang-ups, or other vanilla baggage... Someone else will do that for you. They'll make you submit to them.

And it's a rather hawt theme for stories as well, this "breaking" of a submissive: Some strong-willed chick meets a Domly Dom, he does deliciously horrible things to her, and eventually she submits to his will. The they ride off happily ever after into a perfect D/s sunset.

But what I often wonder when this theme comes up in real life is this- Do the people who express this desire actually think about what it would take to break them?

Think about it.

What would it take to break you?

I'm betting that it would take a bit more than some sexy, fun play to get you to do something you really didn't want to do. I'm willing to lay good odds that in order to break you someone would have to set up a prolonged and extremely unpleasant course of action. They'd probably have to beat you bloody, break some bones, and do the sort of harm most sane people would not consent to. They'd probably have to systematically destroy your spirit over time by continually tearing you down until the person you were no longer exists.

This "breaking" would look a lot less like a playful interrogation scene between two consenting adults than it would look like the torture employed against US soldiers by the North Vietnamese. Less 50 Shades Red Room of Pain and more Hoa Lo Prison.

It is entirely possible for someone to make a person want to submit to their authority, but the route to get there? Is that really something you want to experience? Is that really something you need to experience before you'll allow yourself to submit to your own desires?

And if it is, what then? What happens when the relationship ends and you're incapable of returning to the person you once were? Broken people often have a terrible time picking up the pieces and putting them back together. Any survivor of prolonged domestic abuse can attest to that. Who's going to put you back together after you've been "broken"?

Being broken is possible, it's not unheard of, and there are predators out there who would probably gladly remove your ability to consent to turn you into the mindless fucktoy they've always dreamed of... Is that what you really want when you say to all and sundry, "Break me"?

Or would you rather have a partner who can provide you with the environment or play you need to "let go"?

Would you rather have a dynamic where a little bit of struggle before you give in is part of your play?

Would you rather have a partner who adores the strong-willed person you are and inspires you to submit to them?

Instead of being broken, why not just give yourself permission to be the person you want to be? It seems much healthier and a lot safer to take responsibility for your needs than to rely on someone else to do whatever it takes to make you submit.