Squeaky Answers: "I like this Dom, but..."

"...but he's into poly and I'm really not and he's not willing to change. Advice?"

Ah. An issue as old as time. Girl meets boy, boy is absolutely perfect except for one thing, girl wants to change boy or change herself to suit boy...

In vanilla books and movies this is the sort of thing that's easily fixed within 400 pages (give or take a hundred) or 120 minutes as long as one of the partners just tries had enough to be exactly what the other wants.

In kinky books and movies, it's a slightly different story- If the submissive partner submits despite the other partner's issue, eventually the other partner will realize how much he loves the sub and will change to suit her needs (50SoG, anyone?).

I'm sorry to say that in real life, it doesn't work that way. It never works that way.

The first problem we have here is the basic idea (from popular fiction) that people are somehow obligated to change for us just because we want them to or that we're obligated to "suffer for their love" until they're willing to change for us... And that's pretty shitty if you think about it because that means that until (if) that magical change happens- One of you is going to be pretty damn miserable.

The second problem is the notion that submissive people are kind of expected to suffer through relationships that don't fulfill their desires or needs. Why?
A) Because eventually the magical change will happen
B) Because a submissive's wants and needs are not that important
C) Because bad fiction.

So here's the thing- Fiction is fiction for a reason. It can use stupid plot devices to drive a story because in the end the author is going to give their characters the happily ever after that they want (or to give the audience the wank fodder that they want).

In real life, you don't have an author hovering over you just waiting to turn your frog into a prince. You have a real life guy who is probably pretty happy with his life as it is, who wants to do his thing, and is under no obligation to change to please you. He doesn't have to be willing to change for you.

Likewise, you don't have to be willing to change for him either.

So where does that leave you?

With three choices:
A) You can chalk this guy up as incompatible and move on.
B) You can seek out a dominant partner who is compatible with your wants and needs for a relationship.
C) You can try to change yourself to suit him.

And before you jump on C and decide to be the best chameleon submissive ever- Think it through... Can you be happy and fulfilled in a relationship where your fundamental need for monogamy is not being met? Can you be happy and fulfilled sharing your partner with others? Can you be happy and fulfilled knowing that he may not spend important holidays, family functions, or other events with you because of scheduling conflicts or emergencies with other partners? Can you be happy and fulfilled when not being true to yourself?

Poly isn't easy. There is a lot of work that goes into ensuring that everybody involved has a relationship that meets their needs. Can you do that work?

Yes?
No?

TL;DR
Move on. Find someone who doesn't need to change to be who you want, and who wants you just the way you are. Odds are good that you'll both be better off.