We are getting an new lair! This is very exciting business, especially when you consider the state of the current lair (falling apart) and the complete and utter shittiness of our 2 heinous neighbors (affectionately referred to as "Skunk Weed" and "Ghetto Blaster").
Of course all this "ZOMG! We're moving back to civilization" (we're kind of in BFE now) is tempered by the fact that I now have to go through 6 years of accumulated stuff and figure out what I like enough to want to move it and what is getting pitched or sold.
My stuff? That's easy. I don't get attached to things. I've boxed up SUV loads of stuff to sell. I have one single, solitary box of "important stuff" that I can't bear to part with thus far.
Cookie?
Cookie is a completely different story.
Cookie has 4 big boxes of nerf guns. He has 3 big boxes of "I'm going to make something out of these broken things" stuff. He has random odds and ends... All of which (so far) take up HALF OF THE SPARE BEDROOM.
Ugh. I'm gonna boop Cookie right over his silly, hoarding Man Head.
Which moves me along to the next point of business: Cookie's Dom Name.
I was snorting to myself over the online Domly Dom names on Fet.
Master Dark Lord
Lord Shadow Raven
Sir Evil Knight Snake Fang
You know, super serious "look at how dark and scary and strict and scary I am" sorts of names. So I pointed out to Cookie that "Cookie" wasn't exactly a Twue Domly Dom name and he should pick something that didn't bring shame to his submissive online. He pondered for a few minutes, gave me the look, and then announced:
...
...
"My Dom name is Steve."
*sigh*
And, go figure, "Steve's" first Domly Dictate is that he should get TWO closets in the new lair for his useless do-dads, leaving me (and all of our joint home stuff, coats, shoes, clothes with a measly closet and a half).
BOOP!
Showing posts with label My Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Life. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Another one of those "30 Day" memes in one big post.
1) Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
When we do use a label it's usually D/s. If I cared to be more specific I suppose the idea of the 50's household would apply fairly well.
2) Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
The who part is pretty easy- Cookie is the only person who has the privilege of bossing me around.
How is a bit more tricky. We're 24/7- But a very laid back sort of 24/7. He doesn't want to micromanage me and as I have no interest in having a Helicopter Dom, it works out well for us. When it matter to him that I bow to his authority, that's what I do. The rest of the time he pretty much leaves me to run things as I see fit... Probably because he takes it for granted that "how I see fit" is going to neatly align with what he wants.
3) How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
I know that I'm his submissive because being his support person and letting him lead fulfills me.
4) Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?
At times I take the lead because I'm better suited to the task at hand... That doesn't make me dominant or a switch. It makes me a competent adult.
I maintain authority over my kitchen, my children, my healthcare decisions, family obligations, and any legal stuff that may involve me.
I am not a switch. I have no desire to be the partner with more authority. I may however be interested in service topping.
5) Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?
I've been learning about BDSM for close to 20 years now.
I've had some play partners in the past, enough to get a pretty good idea about what I am and am not interested in.
Cookie is my first (and Dog willing) last D/s partner and relationship.
6) What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
I have no idea why I orient the way I do sexually or relationship-wise.
I suppose this is just how I'm wired, and that's all the explanation I need.
7) Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?
No, no, and I expect that I would feel exactly the same way as I did when I was a child- resentful, angry, and hell-bent on bucking authority to do my own thing. Which is why I have absolutely no interest in having either of those things as part of my dynamic, those feelings are not conducive IMO to a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
8.) Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?
No. See above:
9) Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?
That thing I mentioned about bucking authority? Rules wouldn't work for me. If he said, "You must do X and never do Z" I'd be off doing the exact opposite of what he dictated because I can... If instead he expresses a preference, or mentions something he'd like me to do (or not do) and provides a reason? I'll bend over backwards to stick to that.
Like, he said once that he hated it when his ex would do things without asking for his input? Redecorating the house, adopting a pet, stuff like that... So I always ask for his input. It's not a rule, even though it's important to him, but because it's important to him I'll keep it in mind always.
10) Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?
Well, yeah. D/s is part of the BDSM acronym. Besides that, sure. We enjoy bondage, and some light S&M. It's fun. If I had to rate its importance? Eh... I don't know. Kinky play is awesome, but it's not everything there is to life for us, you know?
11) Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission?
I do things for him, but I'm not service oriented. I just see those things as the sort of stuff a caring or dedicated significant other does for their partner.
How do you define service?
To me, service is a specific mindset different from what I described above. It's something integral to some folks' submission... But not mine.
What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?
I doesn't mean anything to me because I am not service oriented. Doing for the sake of doing isn't what drives me.
12) Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself?
No.
If no, is there a particular reason why?
He makes financial decisions and manages our money because he's better with money than I am- But it's our money. Not just his. And that's the reason why.
Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?
Yes, I'm familiar with the concept, and the only opinion I have of it is that it's not my cuppa.
13) Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?
I'm available when he wants sex, but that's because I want to be available. It has nothing to do with submission or his Domly Desires, I just think that intimacy is good for a relationship and even if I'm not quite in the mood, I will be if he encourages me enough (wink-wink).
And no, there are no limits. He's not a clod. If I'm ill or something terrible has happened recently he's not so obtuse that he'd fail to recognize that.
14) Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit?
We're atheists.
If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?
Yes, I'm familiar with a few different versions of religious submission.
In some instances, it can be similar if the choice to submit is one that is freely made by the person submitting and the religious submission is something that she finds gratifying and a positive influence on her life and relationship.
But, sadly, most of the religious submission I read about isn't a choice freely made. It's something forced on the person despite how she may personally feel about it... And that is in now way, shape, or form similar to consensual submission.
15) Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?
Everything evolves, submission is no different.
Well, over time it's gone from gung-ho "ZOMG! Frenzy!" to "OK, I think this is more sensible and realistic" to "ZOMG! NRE! This is the AWESOME!" to "All right... Now that we've settled down, this is much more sustainable..."
As to how it may evolve in the future? Who knows? I guess that depends on what the future brings us.
16) Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
With past partners it was extremely limited and resembled bottoming far more than it did submitting- I'd do what they wanted because I wanted it too, but they had no authority over me. This relationship is different from that.
17) What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?
For me it means that I have absolute confidence in his ability to lead well, make decisions that benefit us both, and to recognize when he's only human and adjust accordingly.
18) Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
Communication is one of the most important aspects of our relationship, not just for the purposes of D/s, but for the health and wellbeing of the relationship... So it really helps things along that we enjoy talking to each other and that there don't seem to be any areas we are unwilling to broach (granted, some things may take a bit of time to broach, and maybe a beer or four, but we get there).
And how do I ask for what I want or need? I just ask.
"I saw a dresser at TJ Maxx when I was shopping with my mom, I think it would be perfect for the spot next to the front door. Want to go look at it with me?"
"I despise all of our neighbors, their dogs, kids, and stupid ass loud music. Can we move? PLEASE?"
"I'm jonesing Taco Bell. Taco Bell? Yes?"
"Wanna have the kinky sexy fun times now?"
19) How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?
I'm pretty social. I've got this bloggy thing, a few forums I frequent, and a handful of friends I keep in touch with. I like people for the most part, I like being part of a larger social conversation. and I like hearing about what other people experience.
20) Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?
That's kind of like asking "Has your wifeliness increased or decreased over time?" It doesn't make much sense to me because I don't think it's something that can be measured. And much like being a wife, or a mom, or a friend, there are times when it's easier to fulfill that role and times when that role is not the priority. Such is life.
21) Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?
Any position where he's actively asserting his authority?
22) Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?
Submission, for me, is something that happens and is expressed in a relationship. Without the relationship I may still identify as a submissive but I do not submit. Kind of like how you can still be a parent even if you're on vacation without your child. You're still a parent, even if you're not actively parenting that child.
23) Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you?
Mine? No. We've worked pretty hard to create a relationship that contributes positively to our life together.
Other people's? Sure. So I guess it's a pretty good thing that I don't have to do the stuff they do that I'm not into, isn't it?
Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?
Yeah, but that was mostly because I wasn't certain how everything I was could coexist beside this one particular label. I had a bit of an identity crisis. It sorted itself out with time and education.
24) What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?
Submission isn't emotional to me. It's how I'm wired. Like how I'm monogamous or how I prefer men. I don't need emotions to let me access my monogamy or my desire for a male partner. It's just something that's always there.
25) Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?
No and no. My orientation in my relationship isn't tied to objects or rituals. It's not something I do, it's something I am in the right circumstances.
26) What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?
The same qualities I'd seek in a vanilla partner with some additions- He needs to identify as a D-type and our ideas of BDSM must be compatible. and of course there are deal breakers, this is still a relationship.
27) Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?
Eh. There might be things that would be fun to try, maybe, if we ever get around to them... And no. They're not frightening or confusing.
28) Has your submission ever let you down?
No because I don't have unrealistic expectations of it.
Have you ever been criticized for your submission?
Sure. I hear that I'm "doing it wrong" on a pretty regular basis. It doesn't matter because the people who say it don't matter.
Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship?
Nope. No regrets.
Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that.
The same way I'd handle any mistake- Learn from it and attempt to not repeat it. This isn't rocket science.
29) Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission?
Mild pain, sure. I like to flirt along the edges of pleasure and pain a bit. A swat on the bum, a bite that's a bit too sharp... Nommy. Humiliation OTO is not something I ever care to experience. EVER.
What is your relationship to it?
They're not the same thing. At all. One I have a happy relationship with because it's good times, the other I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole because it would leave me miserable and in a Very Bad Place.
Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
I embrace what I enjoy and don't fuck with stuff that is bad for me (much less tolerate it because of some screwed up notion that because I'm an s-type I have to put up with shit that's not good for me. Ugh).
30) Is your need to submit being met?
I don't need to submit, just like I don't need to fuck, or need to be married. It's something I enjoy expressing in a healthy relationship, and thus far my ability to express it in this relationship is just ducky (that means it's pretty great for all you non-English speakers).
If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again?
If Cookie went more vanilla than a bottle of McCormick I'd be content. I don't need submission to be a whole person or to be happy in a relationship. It may add a bit to a relationship if I can express that aspect of myself, but it's not a deal breaker if I can't. There are things that are more important to me than submission.
What makes submission special to you?
My dominant partner.
When we do use a label it's usually D/s. If I cared to be more specific I suppose the idea of the 50's household would apply fairly well.
2) Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
The who part is pretty easy- Cookie is the only person who has the privilege of bossing me around.
How is a bit more tricky. We're 24/7- But a very laid back sort of 24/7. He doesn't want to micromanage me and as I have no interest in having a Helicopter Dom, it works out well for us. When it matter to him that I bow to his authority, that's what I do. The rest of the time he pretty much leaves me to run things as I see fit... Probably because he takes it for granted that "how I see fit" is going to neatly align with what he wants.
3) How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
I know that I'm his submissive because being his support person and letting him lead fulfills me.
4) Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?
At times I take the lead because I'm better suited to the task at hand... That doesn't make me dominant or a switch. It makes me a competent adult.
I maintain authority over my kitchen, my children, my healthcare decisions, family obligations, and any legal stuff that may involve me.
I am not a switch. I have no desire to be the partner with more authority. I may however be interested in service topping.
5) Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?
I've been learning about BDSM for close to 20 years now.
I've had some play partners in the past, enough to get a pretty good idea about what I am and am not interested in.
Cookie is my first (and Dog willing) last D/s partner and relationship.
6) What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
I have no idea why I orient the way I do sexually or relationship-wise.
I suppose this is just how I'm wired, and that's all the explanation I need.
7) Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?
No, no, and I expect that I would feel exactly the same way as I did when I was a child- resentful, angry, and hell-bent on bucking authority to do my own thing. Which is why I have absolutely no interest in having either of those things as part of my dynamic, those feelings are not conducive IMO to a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
8.) Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?
No. See above:
9) Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?
That thing I mentioned about bucking authority? Rules wouldn't work for me. If he said, "You must do X and never do Z" I'd be off doing the exact opposite of what he dictated because I can... If instead he expresses a preference, or mentions something he'd like me to do (or not do) and provides a reason? I'll bend over backwards to stick to that.
Like, he said once that he hated it when his ex would do things without asking for his input? Redecorating the house, adopting a pet, stuff like that... So I always ask for his input. It's not a rule, even though it's important to him, but because it's important to him I'll keep it in mind always.
10) Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?
Well, yeah. D/s is part of the BDSM acronym. Besides that, sure. We enjoy bondage, and some light S&M. It's fun. If I had to rate its importance? Eh... I don't know. Kinky play is awesome, but it's not everything there is to life for us, you know?
11) Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission?
I do things for him, but I'm not service oriented. I just see those things as the sort of stuff a caring or dedicated significant other does for their partner.
How do you define service?
To me, service is a specific mindset different from what I described above. It's something integral to some folks' submission... But not mine.
What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?
I doesn't mean anything to me because I am not service oriented. Doing for the sake of doing isn't what drives me.
12) Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself?
No.
If no, is there a particular reason why?
He makes financial decisions and manages our money because he's better with money than I am- But it's our money. Not just his. And that's the reason why.
Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?
Yes, I'm familiar with the concept, and the only opinion I have of it is that it's not my cuppa.
13) Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?
I'm available when he wants sex, but that's because I want to be available. It has nothing to do with submission or his Domly Desires, I just think that intimacy is good for a relationship and even if I'm not quite in the mood, I will be if he encourages me enough (wink-wink).
And no, there are no limits. He's not a clod. If I'm ill or something terrible has happened recently he's not so obtuse that he'd fail to recognize that.
14) Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit?
We're atheists.
If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?
Yes, I'm familiar with a few different versions of religious submission.
In some instances, it can be similar if the choice to submit is one that is freely made by the person submitting and the religious submission is something that she finds gratifying and a positive influence on her life and relationship.
But, sadly, most of the religious submission I read about isn't a choice freely made. It's something forced on the person despite how she may personally feel about it... And that is in now way, shape, or form similar to consensual submission.
15) Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?
Everything evolves, submission is no different.
Well, over time it's gone from gung-ho "ZOMG! Frenzy!" to "OK, I think this is more sensible and realistic" to "ZOMG! NRE! This is the AWESOME!" to "All right... Now that we've settled down, this is much more sustainable..."
As to how it may evolve in the future? Who knows? I guess that depends on what the future brings us.
16) Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
With past partners it was extremely limited and resembled bottoming far more than it did submitting- I'd do what they wanted because I wanted it too, but they had no authority over me. This relationship is different from that.
17) What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?
For me it means that I have absolute confidence in his ability to lead well, make decisions that benefit us both, and to recognize when he's only human and adjust accordingly.
18) Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
Communication is one of the most important aspects of our relationship, not just for the purposes of D/s, but for the health and wellbeing of the relationship... So it really helps things along that we enjoy talking to each other and that there don't seem to be any areas we are unwilling to broach (granted, some things may take a bit of time to broach, and maybe a beer or four, but we get there).
And how do I ask for what I want or need? I just ask.
"I saw a dresser at TJ Maxx when I was shopping with my mom, I think it would be perfect for the spot next to the front door. Want to go look at it with me?"
"I despise all of our neighbors, their dogs, kids, and stupid ass loud music. Can we move? PLEASE?"
"I'm jonesing Taco Bell. Taco Bell? Yes?"
"Wanna have the kinky sexy fun times now?"
19) How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?
I'm pretty social. I've got this bloggy thing, a few forums I frequent, and a handful of friends I keep in touch with. I like people for the most part, I like being part of a larger social conversation. and I like hearing about what other people experience.
20) Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?
That's kind of like asking "Has your wifeliness increased or decreased over time?" It doesn't make much sense to me because I don't think it's something that can be measured. And much like being a wife, or a mom, or a friend, there are times when it's easier to fulfill that role and times when that role is not the priority. Such is life.
21) Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?
Any position where he's actively asserting his authority?
22) Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?
Submission, for me, is something that happens and is expressed in a relationship. Without the relationship I may still identify as a submissive but I do not submit. Kind of like how you can still be a parent even if you're on vacation without your child. You're still a parent, even if you're not actively parenting that child.
23) Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you?
Mine? No. We've worked pretty hard to create a relationship that contributes positively to our life together.
Other people's? Sure. So I guess it's a pretty good thing that I don't have to do the stuff they do that I'm not into, isn't it?
Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?
Yeah, but that was mostly because I wasn't certain how everything I was could coexist beside this one particular label. I had a bit of an identity crisis. It sorted itself out with time and education.
24) What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?
Submission isn't emotional to me. It's how I'm wired. Like how I'm monogamous or how I prefer men. I don't need emotions to let me access my monogamy or my desire for a male partner. It's just something that's always there.
25) Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?
No and no. My orientation in my relationship isn't tied to objects or rituals. It's not something I do, it's something I am in the right circumstances.
26) What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?
The same qualities I'd seek in a vanilla partner with some additions- He needs to identify as a D-type and our ideas of BDSM must be compatible. and of course there are deal breakers, this is still a relationship.
27) Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?
Eh. There might be things that would be fun to try, maybe, if we ever get around to them... And no. They're not frightening or confusing.
28) Has your submission ever let you down?
No because I don't have unrealistic expectations of it.
Have you ever been criticized for your submission?
Sure. I hear that I'm "doing it wrong" on a pretty regular basis. It doesn't matter because the people who say it don't matter.
Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship?
Nope. No regrets.
Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that.
The same way I'd handle any mistake- Learn from it and attempt to not repeat it. This isn't rocket science.
29) Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission?
Mild pain, sure. I like to flirt along the edges of pleasure and pain a bit. A swat on the bum, a bite that's a bit too sharp... Nommy. Humiliation OTO is not something I ever care to experience. EVER.
What is your relationship to it?
They're not the same thing. At all. One I have a happy relationship with because it's good times, the other I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole because it would leave me miserable and in a Very Bad Place.
Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
I embrace what I enjoy and don't fuck with stuff that is bad for me (much less tolerate it because of some screwed up notion that because I'm an s-type I have to put up with shit that's not good for me. Ugh).
30) Is your need to submit being met?
I don't need to submit, just like I don't need to fuck, or need to be married. It's something I enjoy expressing in a healthy relationship, and thus far my ability to express it in this relationship is just ducky (that means it's pretty great for all you non-English speakers).
If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again?
If Cookie went more vanilla than a bottle of McCormick I'd be content. I don't need submission to be a whole person or to be happy in a relationship. It may add a bit to a relationship if I can express that aspect of myself, but it's not a deal breaker if I can't. There are things that are more important to me than submission.
What makes submission special to you?
My dominant partner.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Dear Vanilla Person...
You might know me.
I could be your daughter, sister, cousin, aunt, best friend, social acquaintance, co-worker, boss, or any other title someone you know could have.
Maybe you've known me for my entire life or yours.
Perhaps we've known each other for years, maybe our relationship is new.
Odds are good I've told you about my partner- I've waxed ecstatic over how wonderful he is or I've bitched about how he can never seem to turn his socks right side out before they go in the laundry basket.
You've probably seen photos of my small people and my pets, you may have met them, and have definitely heard multiple anecdotes about all of them- Good and hilariously bad.
My life and yours are intertwined in some way.
We're connected... Maybe at the heart, maybe at the hip, maybe by blood or maybe by something less binding- But that connection is there between us.
In some way we share our lives with each other and from the glimpses you get of mine, you think you know me.
Here's what you don't know: I'm kinky. I'm in a D/s relationship. I'm not the person you thought I was.
There, I've said it.
And I'm guessing that this is what you're thinking- That I'm either abused or an abuser. That I'm broken and I need to be fixed. That there's something wrong with the life I'm living, something wrong with my partner, and that the both of us need professional help.
I don't blame you for that, really, even though the idea of you having those thoughts about me is painful. I thought the same thing of myself for the longest time. "What's wrong with me that I like the things I do? Why do I want to submit to some guy? why do I like it when he slaps my bum? Why does rope, leather, and shiny-jingly bits of metal do more for me than flowers and chocolate?"
Just like you, I had this idea of what BDSM was, and it wasn't pretty. It was dark, and dangerous, and shameful, and I thought that because of the media's depictions of BDSM. The media, and it's portrayals of the things I found interesting were pretty much always negative... Broken people doing horrible (but sexy-to-me) things to other broken people.
What else was I supposed to think? It's not like there are healthy, happy, fulfilled kinksters wandering the streets who are easily accessible as role models. The happy, healthy, fulfilled people are keeping mum because they know what the general populace thinks of them and they know that there are some pretty horrible things that can happen to people who are outed. So what we're left with is the De Sades (AKA writers of fantasy wank fodder that holds no bearing on reality), the Christian Greys, the perps on Law & Order SVU, Criminal Minds, CSI, and Dateline reports to inform the public's opinion of what BDSM is.
Because of that opinion I fear your opinion of me changing into something negative. I fear that in a custody battle I could lose my children, that if outed at work I could be fired (especially if there's a morality clause), that I could lose my good name among people in my community. Those things happen to people like me. They have happened.
They keep happening.
Why?
Because the stereotype is much more powerful than my reality... Also understandable- Who wants to come out as kinky when you know the reception you'll get and the risks it involves?
Because other kinksters say "Your friends/family/ important people don't need to know how your relationship is structured and what you like to do in your bedroom."
I think you do need to know. Maybe not the specifics- I certainly don't want to hear about every single thing you might get up to behind closed doors, but I do think that you need to know that there is nothing shameful about my relationship, that what I'm doing is something that contributes positively to my life, and that allowing my partner to lead while I act as his support person is how I'm function best in a relationship (we can't all be CEOs).
I think you need to know that the kinky sexy times we have together is consensual, and not just consensual, but that I enthusiastically consent and am aware of the risks some types of play involve (I also know how to mitigate those risks).
I need you to know that it's not about violence, even though our play can look violent- He's never angry or intent on causing me harm. He's joyfully providing me with a sensation that I find satisfying (really, joyful. We laugh and smile a lot while playing). There's a huge difference between violence and abusive behavior, and rough play that makes me feel all gooshy inside. One I wouldn't stand for, the other I welcome as a part of our intimacy.
I need you to know that allowing him to lead in our relationship doesn't mean that I'm being subjugated against my will or that I cannot lead- I just like to follow where he leads... With some exceptions- He's not allowed to mess with my health care decisions, my kitchen, and he'd better keep his man hands off my clothing selections (he's color blind and fashion obtuse, a bad combination). Beyond that? He's proven time and again that he can make wise choices for us and our relationship which is why I trust him to lead and can follow him. If he couldn't lead? I wouldn't follow.
My relationship is not the stuff of bad erotica or cop shows. It's not anything like the drivel on the silver screen or your small screen. Those people are not the people I know and care for.
Those people are not the people you know or care for.
The people you know and care for who might be kinky? They're the same people they always were. Being kinky doesn't change that and it doesn't alter who they are. The smart, funny, competent adults you know? They're still that person... They just like something that's not the norm. They like their relationships a bit more like Ward and June's, they like their sex and play a bit spicier... No big deal, right?
So why is it a big deal when really- It's not?
Think about it.
Sincerely,
A kinky person you know.
I could be your daughter, sister, cousin, aunt, best friend, social acquaintance, co-worker, boss, or any other title someone you know could have.
Maybe you've known me for my entire life or yours.
Perhaps we've known each other for years, maybe our relationship is new.
Odds are good I've told you about my partner- I've waxed ecstatic over how wonderful he is or I've bitched about how he can never seem to turn his socks right side out before they go in the laundry basket.
You've probably seen photos of my small people and my pets, you may have met them, and have definitely heard multiple anecdotes about all of them- Good and hilariously bad.
My life and yours are intertwined in some way.
We're connected... Maybe at the heart, maybe at the hip, maybe by blood or maybe by something less binding- But that connection is there between us.
In some way we share our lives with each other and from the glimpses you get of mine, you think you know me.
Here's what you don't know: I'm kinky. I'm in a D/s relationship. I'm not the person you thought I was.
There, I've said it.
And I'm guessing that this is what you're thinking- That I'm either abused or an abuser. That I'm broken and I need to be fixed. That there's something wrong with the life I'm living, something wrong with my partner, and that the both of us need professional help.
I don't blame you for that, really, even though the idea of you having those thoughts about me is painful. I thought the same thing of myself for the longest time. "What's wrong with me that I like the things I do? Why do I want to submit to some guy? why do I like it when he slaps my bum? Why does rope, leather, and shiny-jingly bits of metal do more for me than flowers and chocolate?"
Just like you, I had this idea of what BDSM was, and it wasn't pretty. It was dark, and dangerous, and shameful, and I thought that because of the media's depictions of BDSM. The media, and it's portrayals of the things I found interesting were pretty much always negative... Broken people doing horrible (but sexy-to-me) things to other broken people.
What else was I supposed to think? It's not like there are healthy, happy, fulfilled kinksters wandering the streets who are easily accessible as role models. The happy, healthy, fulfilled people are keeping mum because they know what the general populace thinks of them and they know that there are some pretty horrible things that can happen to people who are outed. So what we're left with is the De Sades (AKA writers of fantasy wank fodder that holds no bearing on reality), the Christian Greys, the perps on Law & Order SVU, Criminal Minds, CSI, and Dateline reports to inform the public's opinion of what BDSM is.
Because of that opinion I fear your opinion of me changing into something negative. I fear that in a custody battle I could lose my children, that if outed at work I could be fired (especially if there's a morality clause), that I could lose my good name among people in my community. Those things happen to people like me. They have happened.
They keep happening.
Why?
Because the stereotype is much more powerful than my reality... Also understandable- Who wants to come out as kinky when you know the reception you'll get and the risks it involves?
Because other kinksters say "Your friends/family/ important people don't need to know how your relationship is structured and what you like to do in your bedroom."
I think you do need to know. Maybe not the specifics- I certainly don't want to hear about every single thing you might get up to behind closed doors, but I do think that you need to know that there is nothing shameful about my relationship, that what I'm doing is something that contributes positively to my life, and that allowing my partner to lead while I act as his support person is how I'm function best in a relationship (we can't all be CEOs).
I think you need to know that the kinky sexy times we have together is consensual, and not just consensual, but that I enthusiastically consent and am aware of the risks some types of play involve (I also know how to mitigate those risks).
I need you to know that it's not about violence, even though our play can look violent- He's never angry or intent on causing me harm. He's joyfully providing me with a sensation that I find satisfying (really, joyful. We laugh and smile a lot while playing). There's a huge difference between violence and abusive behavior, and rough play that makes me feel all gooshy inside. One I wouldn't stand for, the other I welcome as a part of our intimacy.
I need you to know that allowing him to lead in our relationship doesn't mean that I'm being subjugated against my will or that I cannot lead- I just like to follow where he leads... With some exceptions- He's not allowed to mess with my health care decisions, my kitchen, and he'd better keep his man hands off my clothing selections (he's color blind and fashion obtuse, a bad combination). Beyond that? He's proven time and again that he can make wise choices for us and our relationship which is why I trust him to lead and can follow him. If he couldn't lead? I wouldn't follow.
My relationship is not the stuff of bad erotica or cop shows. It's not anything like the drivel on the silver screen or your small screen. Those people are not the people I know and care for.
Those people are not the people you know or care for.
The people you know and care for who might be kinky? They're the same people they always were. Being kinky doesn't change that and it doesn't alter who they are. The smart, funny, competent adults you know? They're still that person... They just like something that's not the norm. They like their relationships a bit more like Ward and June's, they like their sex and play a bit spicier... No big deal, right?
So why is it a big deal when really- It's not?
Think about it.
Sincerely,
A kinky person you know.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Free Movie Passes = Cookie & Squeaky see Fifty Shades of Grey
I'm not going to write about the movie.
Plenty of people have written about the movie.
They've critiqued the action, the relationship it portrays, the acting, the technical screw-ups in the kinky scenes... That has been done to hell and back and I'm not going to flog a dead horse.
Instead, I'm going to talk about Fantasy Vs Reality and why it matters, here, in the aftermath of my Fifty Shades viewing experience.
People like to poo-poo the effects that Fifty Shades of Grey can have on the Vanilla community.
"It's just fiction!" they exclaim.
"You wouldn't watch a movie about the Roman Empire and think that was real, would you?" They ask, rhetorically.
"People know what's real and not real." They say.
That's the defense for everything that's wrong about this movie and the books.
Those are (kind of) fair enough arguments and protestations. When people know better, when they're educated on a topic, it's easy to look at a book and be secure in the knowledge that hey! This is fiction! I shouldn't base my expectations of Romans on a book or a movie.
Now, pretend that you're watching any popular movie about Romans. Let's say it has Russell Crowe in it.
Ooo. There's Russell Crowe on a pretty white horse... Looks good, right?
Now, Find the historical inaccuracy.
If you're like me, constantly picking up bits of useless knowledge, you've seen it already and you're probably snickering to yourself over such an obvious blunder.
But if you don't know, how are you supposed to see what's wrong with the image I've presented you with?
If you don't know that a fictional portrayal is inaccurate, how are you supposed to know that there's something wrong with it?
Fifty Shades of Grey is like that image of Russell Crowe.
I know that image is inaccurate because I'm a history buff. (it's the stirrups that are totally wrong)
We know that Fifty Shades is inaccurate because we do kink.
Your average vanilla person whose only experience of kink has probably been through stereotypical portrayals of BDSM in the media... How are they supposed to know what they don't know? Yeah, it's fiction, but what parts are accurate and what parts are not? In an incredibly popular book and movie where they stereotypes are so widely accepted that they might as well represent "reality"... How does someone without a kinky background cherry pick the truth from the stereotype?
They can't and it's foolish to think that they can.
Fifty Shades of Grey presents it's audience with a Vanilla's caricature of who we are and what we do.
It says to that audience that Dominants are abusive, self-serving, narcissistic asswads with mommy issues, abuse issues, and god only knows what other sorts of mental health issues.
It says that submissives are inept, spineless wimps who are a danger to themselves because they're so painfully clueless.
It says pretty much every single nasty stereotype that people have spent years trying to eradicate in the Kinkyverse and feeds that to a mostly vanilla audience as the truth- And they're allowing themselves to be spoon fed that drivel. Paying for the privilege, even.
sigh
All during that movie as I listened to the audience around us snicker, gasp, and then mutter angrily at scenes where the Uber Most Domly Dom in the World did shit that even they found beyond the pale... As I winced, and flailed angrily, and tried to keep my mutterings quiet, I kept looking at Cookie, wondering.
I wondered what the people around us would see if they knew he was a Dominant. I wondered what his family would see and our friends who didn't know any better would see, and later when we discussed the movie and how we felt about it my heart hurt for him as he said, "I'd be afraid to come out of the closet now."
Poo-poo, it's just ten words. No big deal. It's not really fear...
Think about it...
He's not really afraid that family and friends would think less of him, is he?
He is.
Before this, All of my ranting was based on hypotheticals. It was based on a book and even my own willingness to think less of the potential outcome- How much harm could a one hundred and twenty-five minute movie really do? What can't I easily combat with logic and reason? What can't I fix with enough time and enough words?
The broader implications of the blurring of Fiction and Fact and the general population's inability to differentiate between the two because they lack the knowledge to do so means that in one fell swoop, E.L. James has turned good men into monsters, and monsters into dominants in the eyes of millions.
But worst of all- She's taught my Cookie that this is how the world sees him- As a monster of some sort, a broken man, an abuser, as someone who needs to be fixed.
And I hate her for that.
Plenty of people have written about the movie.
They've critiqued the action, the relationship it portrays, the acting, the technical screw-ups in the kinky scenes... That has been done to hell and back and I'm not going to flog a dead horse.
Instead, I'm going to talk about Fantasy Vs Reality and why it matters, here, in the aftermath of my Fifty Shades viewing experience.
People like to poo-poo the effects that Fifty Shades of Grey can have on the Vanilla community.
"It's just fiction!" they exclaim.
"You wouldn't watch a movie about the Roman Empire and think that was real, would you?" They ask, rhetorically.
"People know what's real and not real." They say.
That's the defense for everything that's wrong about this movie and the books.
Those are (kind of) fair enough arguments and protestations. When people know better, when they're educated on a topic, it's easy to look at a book and be secure in the knowledge that hey! This is fiction! I shouldn't base my expectations of Romans on a book or a movie.
Now, pretend that you're watching any popular movie about Romans. Let's say it has Russell Crowe in it.
Ooo. There's Russell Crowe on a pretty white horse... Looks good, right?
Now, Find the historical inaccuracy.
If you're like me, constantly picking up bits of useless knowledge, you've seen it already and you're probably snickering to yourself over such an obvious blunder.
But if you don't know, how are you supposed to see what's wrong with the image I've presented you with?
If you don't know that a fictional portrayal is inaccurate, how are you supposed to know that there's something wrong with it?
Fifty Shades of Grey is like that image of Russell Crowe.
I know that image is inaccurate because I'm a history buff. (it's the stirrups that are totally wrong)
We know that Fifty Shades is inaccurate because we do kink.
Your average vanilla person whose only experience of kink has probably been through stereotypical portrayals of BDSM in the media... How are they supposed to know what they don't know? Yeah, it's fiction, but what parts are accurate and what parts are not? In an incredibly popular book and movie where they stereotypes are so widely accepted that they might as well represent "reality"... How does someone without a kinky background cherry pick the truth from the stereotype?
They can't and it's foolish to think that they can.
Fifty Shades of Grey presents it's audience with a Vanilla's caricature of who we are and what we do.
It says to that audience that Dominants are abusive, self-serving, narcissistic asswads with mommy issues, abuse issues, and god only knows what other sorts of mental health issues.
It says that submissives are inept, spineless wimps who are a danger to themselves because they're so painfully clueless.
It says pretty much every single nasty stereotype that people have spent years trying to eradicate in the Kinkyverse and feeds that to a mostly vanilla audience as the truth- And they're allowing themselves to be spoon fed that drivel. Paying for the privilege, even.
sigh
All during that movie as I listened to the audience around us snicker, gasp, and then mutter angrily at scenes where the Uber Most Domly Dom in the World did shit that even they found beyond the pale... As I winced, and flailed angrily, and tried to keep my mutterings quiet, I kept looking at Cookie, wondering.
I wondered what the people around us would see if they knew he was a Dominant. I wondered what his family would see and our friends who didn't know any better would see, and later when we discussed the movie and how we felt about it my heart hurt for him as he said, "I'd be afraid to come out of the closet now."
Poo-poo, it's just ten words. No big deal. It's not really fear...
Think about it...
He's not really afraid that family and friends would think less of him, is he?
He is.
Before this, All of my ranting was based on hypotheticals. It was based on a book and even my own willingness to think less of the potential outcome- How much harm could a one hundred and twenty-five minute movie really do? What can't I easily combat with logic and reason? What can't I fix with enough time and enough words?
The broader implications of the blurring of Fiction and Fact and the general population's inability to differentiate between the two because they lack the knowledge to do so means that in one fell swoop, E.L. James has turned good men into monsters, and monsters into dominants in the eyes of millions.
But worst of all- She's taught my Cookie that this is how the world sees him- As a monster of some sort, a broken man, an abuser, as someone who needs to be fixed.
And I hate her for that.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Squeaky's Very Bad Day.
Cookie and I have three cars.
There's the GoKart, my little grey sporty looking thing. I love it. It's adorable. And uninsured.
There's my Mom's Evilnox. It's insured because my mom wants to keep it on the road, but since she has no place to park it at her new condo it lives at my house. In return for my car babysitting skills (easiest babysitting job ever) I get to drive it around.
And then there's the Trusty Buick. That's Cookie's car. It's been having heater issues, but it's cool because the heat blows just fine on the highest setting, even if the lower settings blow no heat at all.
We often joke about how if something goes wrong with the Buick we don't have to worry because of our stable of back-up cars, just waiting to spring into action.
So... recently we've been experiencing a bit of a cold snap. Last Friday when I tried to start the Evilnox (after digging it out of a two foot deep snow drift), it didn't start. Which sucked, but it's not the end of the world. We figured that we'd get around to jumping it eventually when the temperature ventured back into the above zero range.
Now, due to the non-starting car and the uninsured car and our lack of laundry-doing facilities at home, Cookie ran out of clothes. Also not a big deal. On Thursday we loaded the laundry into the Buick and set off.
The plan was: I drop him at work, go do laundry, run some errands, and eventually pick him up when his shift ended.
What actually happened: On the coldest damn day of the year (4 above, wind chill hovering in the negative teens), we set off. Deciding that we were hungry and in need of nibbles, we stopped to grab a burger at Wendy's.
I turned down the heat because it's loud and when I worked fast food I hated trying to decipher what someone was ordering when I couldn't hear them over their heater/music/screaming kids... I was being thoughtful.
And then, the heat didn't turn back on.
Longest, coldest drive ever. 30 minutes to Cookie's work and 40 minutes home.
After defrosting my feet/hands/face I figured that I'd finally go and jump the Evilnox. I dig out the two foot drift in front of the car, shovel off the hood, stick my hand in there to release the latch... And nothing. The latch won't move. The hood stays firmly shut. Cookie laughs via text at my weak girl fingers.
I go back inside, thaw out once more, and listen to Cookie's ideas about What Is Wrong With The Car. He thinks it's the Blower Motor Resistor and can I go pick one up? Sure I can.
And hey, maybe it's this HVAC relay thing, so how about I get one of those as well?
So I head uptown (which is actually, oddly, south of us), nearly freeze to death, acquire the parts, and head home.
Being slightly car-savvy, I replaced the relay thingy with ease. I was hoping that would do the trick... It didn't. So I stand there, looking at the car, at the ice on my driveway, all while trying to keep my back to the wind... How the hell am I supposed to replace this other part without getting frostbite?
My mom has a garage! Yay, mom! It'll be ass cold, but at least there won't be any wind.
More super-cold driving and I've got the Buick tucked up snug as a bug in a rug. The garage was much smaller than I remember it being. Thankfully, with the driver's side of the car right up against the wall I can open the passenger side door all the way- Which I need to do because this stupid Blower Motor Resistor is up under the dash on that side.
More good news! Because it was laundry day and all the dirty laundry is in the car I don't have to actually sit on the concrete floor, though my towels may never fully recover.
I'm thinking this should be easy. I watched a few youtube videos, I found a blog with pictures, I'm not totally inept... Then I encountered The Christmas Tree Peg Things From Hell.
I'm pretty sure there is a special place in hell reserved for whoever decided to use those things instead of a nice, easy to remove screw. You can't just pull them out and I guess there's some special tool to remove them... But lacking the tool I used brute strength and Hulk style rage to remove them. I also managed to bash my head into the dash in the process. Ow.
Right. Kick thingy off, I cram myself into the foot well to find the BMR, and there it is right where the video and blog said it would be... Waaaaaaaay back, behind the blower fan, right up against the firewall in a place where only a professional contortionist can reach it. A very skinny professional contortionist with hands the size of baby starfish.
I got one of the three screws off using the ratchet thing that Cookie had conveniently left in the trunk of his car and was insanely, painfully cold on my poor bare fingers.
The next step was "Use a screwdriver to unclip wires from BMR and from Blower fan..." It didn't happen. I tried to make it happen for an hour, but the BMR hated my guts and the feeling was entirely mutual.
By this time it was about 9, the temperature was hovering somewhere around 2 below, and there's only so much that a girl can take. When my mom got home I begged to use her car to pick up Cookie from work. My mom loves me so she agreed... But I had to bring the car back because she had stuff to do Friday. Mom doesn't love me that much.
So- Pick up Cookie, go back to mom's, pick up Buick... And now it's 8 below and as soon as we start breathing the Buick starts fogging up and freezing over. So Cookie and I drive home with the windows down.
We thaw out at home for an hour or so and then he tries to open the Evilnox's hood... No doing. So much for my weak girl fingers.
I try to start the GoKart, the vehicle of last resort. No surprise, he's not playing ball. He's also nearly out of gas (damn white trash neighbors keep siphoning my gas), so even if we did get him started he wouldn't run long enough to get to the gas station.
Nothing else left to do, I wrap Cookie up in a bunch of blankies and he somehow, miraculously, gets all the clips unclipped from the BMR only to find out that the final two screw on the damn thing are BEHIND THE FIREWALL.
Says I, "Dude. Just plug the new one in and let it dangle. Who cares? It's effing cold (negative 14 says my phone with a wind chill of -30), I can't feel my anything, and you need heat to drive to work."
So he does and it works and we celebrated by driving the now-warm car up to McSlavelabor for a few burgers.
I did not turn the heat down when we ordered.
There's the GoKart, my little grey sporty looking thing. I love it. It's adorable. And uninsured.
There's my Mom's Evilnox. It's insured because my mom wants to keep it on the road, but since she has no place to park it at her new condo it lives at my house. In return for my car babysitting skills (easiest babysitting job ever) I get to drive it around.
And then there's the Trusty Buick. That's Cookie's car. It's been having heater issues, but it's cool because the heat blows just fine on the highest setting, even if the lower settings blow no heat at all.
We often joke about how if something goes wrong with the Buick we don't have to worry because of our stable of back-up cars, just waiting to spring into action.
So... recently we've been experiencing a bit of a cold snap. Last Friday when I tried to start the Evilnox (after digging it out of a two foot deep snow drift), it didn't start. Which sucked, but it's not the end of the world. We figured that we'd get around to jumping it eventually when the temperature ventured back into the above zero range.
Now, due to the non-starting car and the uninsured car and our lack of laundry-doing facilities at home, Cookie ran out of clothes. Also not a big deal. On Thursday we loaded the laundry into the Buick and set off.
The plan was: I drop him at work, go do laundry, run some errands, and eventually pick him up when his shift ended.
What actually happened: On the coldest damn day of the year (4 above, wind chill hovering in the negative teens), we set off. Deciding that we were hungry and in need of nibbles, we stopped to grab a burger at Wendy's.
I turned down the heat because it's loud and when I worked fast food I hated trying to decipher what someone was ordering when I couldn't hear them over their heater/music/screaming kids... I was being thoughtful.
And then, the heat didn't turn back on.
Longest, coldest drive ever. 30 minutes to Cookie's work and 40 minutes home.
After defrosting my feet/hands/face I figured that I'd finally go and jump the Evilnox. I dig out the two foot drift in front of the car, shovel off the hood, stick my hand in there to release the latch... And nothing. The latch won't move. The hood stays firmly shut. Cookie laughs via text at my weak girl fingers.
I go back inside, thaw out once more, and listen to Cookie's ideas about What Is Wrong With The Car. He thinks it's the Blower Motor Resistor and can I go pick one up? Sure I can.
And hey, maybe it's this HVAC relay thing, so how about I get one of those as well?
So I head uptown (which is actually, oddly, south of us), nearly freeze to death, acquire the parts, and head home.
Being slightly car-savvy, I replaced the relay thingy with ease. I was hoping that would do the trick... It didn't. So I stand there, looking at the car, at the ice on my driveway, all while trying to keep my back to the wind... How the hell am I supposed to replace this other part without getting frostbite?
My mom has a garage! Yay, mom! It'll be ass cold, but at least there won't be any wind.
More super-cold driving and I've got the Buick tucked up snug as a bug in a rug. The garage was much smaller than I remember it being. Thankfully, with the driver's side of the car right up against the wall I can open the passenger side door all the way- Which I need to do because this stupid Blower Motor Resistor is up under the dash on that side.
More good news! Because it was laundry day and all the dirty laundry is in the car I don't have to actually sit on the concrete floor, though my towels may never fully recover.
I'm thinking this should be easy. I watched a few youtube videos, I found a blog with pictures, I'm not totally inept... Then I encountered The Christmas Tree Peg Things From Hell.
Cookie says it looks like a butt plug from hell.
I'm pretty sure there is a special place in hell reserved for whoever decided to use those things instead of a nice, easy to remove screw. You can't just pull them out and I guess there's some special tool to remove them... But lacking the tool I used brute strength and Hulk style rage to remove them. I also managed to bash my head into the dash in the process. Ow.
Right. Kick thingy off, I cram myself into the foot well to find the BMR, and there it is right where the video and blog said it would be... Waaaaaaaay back, behind the blower fan, right up against the firewall in a place where only a professional contortionist can reach it. A very skinny professional contortionist with hands the size of baby starfish.
I got one of the three screws off using the ratchet thing that Cookie had conveniently left in the trunk of his car and was insanely, painfully cold on my poor bare fingers.
The next step was "Use a screwdriver to unclip wires from BMR and from Blower fan..." It didn't happen. I tried to make it happen for an hour, but the BMR hated my guts and the feeling was entirely mutual.
By this time it was about 9, the temperature was hovering somewhere around 2 below, and there's only so much that a girl can take. When my mom got home I begged to use her car to pick up Cookie from work. My mom loves me so she agreed... But I had to bring the car back because she had stuff to do Friday. Mom doesn't love me that much.
So- Pick up Cookie, go back to mom's, pick up Buick... And now it's 8 below and as soon as we start breathing the Buick starts fogging up and freezing over. So Cookie and I drive home with the windows down.
We thaw out at home for an hour or so and then he tries to open the Evilnox's hood... No doing. So much for my weak girl fingers.
I try to start the GoKart, the vehicle of last resort. No surprise, he's not playing ball. He's also nearly out of gas (damn white trash neighbors keep siphoning my gas), so even if we did get him started he wouldn't run long enough to get to the gas station.
Nothing else left to do, I wrap Cookie up in a bunch of blankies and he somehow, miraculously, gets all the clips unclipped from the BMR only to find out that the final two screw on the damn thing are BEHIND THE FIREWALL.
Says I, "Dude. Just plug the new one in and let it dangle. Who cares? It's effing cold (negative 14 says my phone with a wind chill of -30), I can't feel my anything, and you need heat to drive to work."
So he does and it works and we celebrated by driving the now-warm car up to McSlavelabor for a few burgers.
I did not turn the heat down when we ordered.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
That 10 Day Challenge Meme, all in one night (insomnia, yo).
Day 1: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Is it weird that I don't have 10 people that I want to say something to right now? I just don't have any pressing shit weighing me down that I feel the need to blog about... I suppose there are ten people I could say "I love you" to, and you can't really say that enough, so I guess I'll go with that. Folks One through Ten, I love you guys. Thanks for being part of my life.
Day 2: Nine things about yourself
ONE: I can lick my own elbow. It's quite possibly my best party trick.
TWO: When my brother and I were small my folks left us alone. I, in all my 13 year old wisdom, decided I wanted to ride my horse and made my brother give me a leg up. My little brother. Who couldn't hoist me up that high. So, I kicked the horse in the ass tossing my leg over her back and she took off bucking and cork-screwing and generally acting like someone lit a fire under her hiney. In between the "O My Go I'm Gonna Die" thoughts I counted, and didn't let go until I reached 8 seconds. Upon which I flew about 10 feet in the air and come to rest square in the middle of a road apple.
THREE: I suffer from crafty ADD. It's a terrible illness where the sufferer trolls pinterest, gets all gung-ho about some new crafty hobby, purchases all the items required to do that hobby, and then promptly loses interest when a new crafty hobby catches their eye. Spare bedroom is a Mini Michael's. It's shameful.
FOUR: I took four years of Spanish in high school. 18 years later and the only thing I can remember is how to ask someone to turn off the lights and how to say "cow."
FIVE: I read the entire dictionary and thesaurus. For fun.
SIX: I hate being hugged. HATE it. So I tend to avoid family get togethers where people will want to touch me because for some reason saying, "I don't like being touched" isn't a good enough reason for folks to keep their damn body parts to themselves.
SEVEN: I suck at math. Anything butt the simplest addition and I need to get out my phone.
EIGHT: After having a talk with my mom the other day, I've come to the conclusion that I might be starting "the change." Usually I like to say, "I am too old for this shit," but this once I'll make an exception- I am too young for this shit!
NINE: I have a shameful affinity for tacky ceramic kitsch from the 50's. I have a shelf full of the gaudiest, goofiest-looking critters, and I think they're awesome.
Day 3: Eight ways to win your heart
Be Cookie.
Yeah, I know, totally lame. But honestly, there were not eight ways (or any one way) that he "won" my heart. It's not a prize. It's a burden. He has to carry it safely for the rest of his days and I have to live knowing that my hear is walking around outside of my body. It's one of the most terrifying feelings imaginable at times...This wasn't the county fair. I offered the burden and he accepted it.
Day 4: Seven things that cross your mind a lot
"Ow! My nose! It's all dry and crunchy inside! I hate winter!"
"Why do I have dogs when dust bunnies make me hurl? Why?"
"I should ride my bike."
"Cookie's awesome.<3 <3 <3"
"How old am I again?"
"I should be writing."
"I wonder if anybody's posted anything new on <insert social media site here>?"
Day 5: Six things you wish you had never done
No regrets.
What happened in my past probably influenced my present, and things not done might equal not having the life I have. And for the life I have? I'd do it all over again, without hesitation.
Day 6: Five people who mean a lot to you (in no order whatsoever)
Cookie
The Mommy
Bestest Girl Friend
The Baby Bro
The Small Folks (I'm counting the twins as one since they're kinda little)
Day 7: Four turn offs
Ignorance.
Bigotry.
Misogyny.
Fox News.
Day 8: Three turn ons
Everything about Cookie. Giggity.
A beautiful mind.
Wit.
Day 9: Two images that describe your life right now and why
Images? Man, don't you know I'm the laziest blogger ever? I don't do images. Plus, my life's not really all that interesting. I do this, I keep my mom company, I play with small folk. I pick up after Cookie, I go on wild spending sprees at Thrift Stores, I plot my eventual domination of the universe, I don't sleep... There's not much to describe.
Day 10: One confession
I'm not at all interesting.
Is it weird that I don't have 10 people that I want to say something to right now? I just don't have any pressing shit weighing me down that I feel the need to blog about... I suppose there are ten people I could say "I love you" to, and you can't really say that enough, so I guess I'll go with that. Folks One through Ten, I love you guys. Thanks for being part of my life.
Day 2: Nine things about yourself
ONE: I can lick my own elbow. It's quite possibly my best party trick.
TWO: When my brother and I were small my folks left us alone. I, in all my 13 year old wisdom, decided I wanted to ride my horse and made my brother give me a leg up. My little brother. Who couldn't hoist me up that high. So, I kicked the horse in the ass tossing my leg over her back and she took off bucking and cork-screwing and generally acting like someone lit a fire under her hiney. In between the "O My Go I'm Gonna Die" thoughts I counted, and didn't let go until I reached 8 seconds. Upon which I flew about 10 feet in the air and come to rest square in the middle of a road apple.
THREE: I suffer from crafty ADD. It's a terrible illness where the sufferer trolls pinterest, gets all gung-ho about some new crafty hobby, purchases all the items required to do that hobby, and then promptly loses interest when a new crafty hobby catches their eye. Spare bedroom is a Mini Michael's. It's shameful.
FOUR: I took four years of Spanish in high school. 18 years later and the only thing I can remember is how to ask someone to turn off the lights and how to say "cow."
FIVE: I read the entire dictionary and thesaurus. For fun.
SIX: I hate being hugged. HATE it. So I tend to avoid family get togethers where people will want to touch me because for some reason saying, "I don't like being touched" isn't a good enough reason for folks to keep their damn body parts to themselves.
SEVEN: I suck at math. Anything butt the simplest addition and I need to get out my phone.
EIGHT: After having a talk with my mom the other day, I've come to the conclusion that I might be starting "the change." Usually I like to say, "I am too old for this shit," but this once I'll make an exception- I am too young for this shit!
NINE: I have a shameful affinity for tacky ceramic kitsch from the 50's. I have a shelf full of the gaudiest, goofiest-looking critters, and I think they're awesome.
Day 3: Eight ways to win your heart
Be Cookie.
Yeah, I know, totally lame. But honestly, there were not eight ways (or any one way) that he "won" my heart. It's not a prize. It's a burden. He has to carry it safely for the rest of his days and I have to live knowing that my hear is walking around outside of my body. It's one of the most terrifying feelings imaginable at times...This wasn't the county fair. I offered the burden and he accepted it.
Day 4: Seven things that cross your mind a lot
"Ow! My nose! It's all dry and crunchy inside! I hate winter!"
"Why do I have dogs when dust bunnies make me hurl? Why?"
"I should ride my bike."
"Cookie's awesome.<3 <3 <3"
"How old am I again?"
"I should be writing."
"I wonder if anybody's posted anything new on <insert social media site here>?"
Day 5: Six things you wish you had never done
No regrets.
What happened in my past probably influenced my present, and things not done might equal not having the life I have. And for the life I have? I'd do it all over again, without hesitation.
Day 6: Five people who mean a lot to you (in no order whatsoever)
Cookie
The Mommy
Bestest Girl Friend
The Baby Bro
The Small Folks (I'm counting the twins as one since they're kinda little)
Day 7: Four turn offs
Ignorance.
Bigotry.
Misogyny.
Fox News.
Day 8: Three turn ons
Everything about Cookie. Giggity.
A beautiful mind.
Wit.
Day 9: Two images that describe your life right now and why
Images? Man, don't you know I'm the laziest blogger ever? I don't do images. Plus, my life's not really all that interesting. I do this, I keep my mom company, I play with small folk. I pick up after Cookie, I go on wild spending sprees at Thrift Stores, I plot my eventual domination of the universe, I don't sleep... There's not much to describe.
Day 10: One confession
I'm not at all interesting.
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Life, in all of it's frustrating, busy, glory.
I have totally ignored my poor, poor blog.
At night I can hear it quietly weeping, waiting for me to pay attention to it, and despairing every time I troll the interwebs without once thinking of it.
I swear a have a plethora of good excuses though!
October 25th Cookie and I finally (FINALLY!) got around to celebrating the fact that we got hitched ages ago. The last few weeks leading up to it had me pulling the hair out of both of our heads, gnashing my teeth, and generally running around like a thing possessed. Anybody who has ever planned a big party on a budget will understand. It was crazy-making.
Thankfully it went off without a hitch (seriously! Everything went according to plan!), and it was an epic party.
The venue was spectacular- We rented a ballroom.
Our DJ rocked the house.
The décor (all DIY, have I mentioned that I'm a wee bit insane?), food, and drinks were all quite tasty, and...
I made chocolate covered caramel apples.
Devine.
Then, party done it was time for Halloween. We take Halloween seriously around these parts. We dress up, the small folk dress up, it's a fiasco and a half and we love every minute of it.
Of course this year it chose to snow, and rain, and the temperature hovered somewhere right above freezing... But still. Good times.
And finally, November.
For most folks November is that time of year where you draw turkeys by outlining your hand.
For me- It's NaNoWriMo.
National November Writing Month.
The 30 days where I attempt to write a novel.
So far it's going well, 7 days in and I'm at 37,199 words (for folks not obsessed with word counts, that's about 140ish pages).
It also means that except when Cookie orders me away from my precious keyboard (My Preciousssss!) I do nothing else but attempt to churn out the Next Great American Novel.
*snort*
Anyways, that's life lately.
It's pretty great.
At night I can hear it quietly weeping, waiting for me to pay attention to it, and despairing every time I troll the interwebs without once thinking of it.
I swear a have a plethora of good excuses though!
October 25th Cookie and I finally (FINALLY!) got around to celebrating the fact that we got hitched ages ago. The last few weeks leading up to it had me pulling the hair out of both of our heads, gnashing my teeth, and generally running around like a thing possessed. Anybody who has ever planned a big party on a budget will understand. It was crazy-making.
Thankfully it went off without a hitch (seriously! Everything went according to plan!), and it was an epic party.
The venue was spectacular- We rented a ballroom.
Our DJ rocked the house.
The décor (all DIY, have I mentioned that I'm a wee bit insane?), food, and drinks were all quite tasty, and...
I made chocolate covered caramel apples.
Devine.
Then, party done it was time for Halloween. We take Halloween seriously around these parts. We dress up, the small folk dress up, it's a fiasco and a half and we love every minute of it.
Of course this year it chose to snow, and rain, and the temperature hovered somewhere right above freezing... But still. Good times.
And finally, November.
For most folks November is that time of year where you draw turkeys by outlining your hand.
For me- It's NaNoWriMo.
National November Writing Month.
The 30 days where I attempt to write a novel.
So far it's going well, 7 days in and I'm at 37,199 words (for folks not obsessed with word counts, that's about 140ish pages).
It also means that except when Cookie orders me away from my precious keyboard (My Preciousssss!) I do nothing else but attempt to churn out the Next Great American Novel.
*snort*
Anyways, that's life lately.
It's pretty great.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
What If "Owned" Rubs Me The Wrong Way?
Fair warning, this is pretty much writing itself as it goes. It's going somewhere, but I don't know where. Guess I'll find out when it gets there.
I was reminded today of this weird conundrum I've got, and I figured that I couldn't be the only submissive person on the face of the planet with the same issue, so I'd write about it.
And yeah, it's probably weird (maybe not on the level of Freakishly Weird, but considering how many s-types seem to squee and get all warm-and-fuzzy at the mere thought of being able to apply this particular designation to themselves, it's pretty strange)...
You see, I've got a problem with the "Owned" designation for not-single submissives.
It just rubs me the wrong way.
And it annoys me that it rubs me the wrong way. I mean, I'm supposed to be submissive right? This sort of thing should be pinging my little submissive radar and making my skivvies moist. I should be going into paroxysms of joy at the mere thought of referring to myself as Cookie's Owned Submissive... But I don't.
I get all bristly and bothered and grumpy about it. Really, I can feel frown lines forming just thinking about it. I'm having to rub the spot between my eyebrows to keep the lines from sticking (I'm getting old. This frowning business is serious stuff for my face).
So... Why?
It's just a word, right? It's just a way to let folks know that you're not-single... But married kinda does that. And monogamous implies it as well. And blah blah blah, I just cannot stand that word.
Maybe it's because I'm a pretty literal person. Owned implies stuff I'd rather not think about- Real slavery, the days when women were chattel, a non-consensual imbalance of equality in a relationship... Nothing that makes me feel all squishy inside, like a warm Danish. Stuff that makes me feel icky.
Plus, the fact that it's not actually possible to own another human being in this country kinda makes the label seem rather pointless. Like, "Yeah, suuuuuure... You own that person. Uh-huh."
Maybe it's because, despite our unequal amounts of authority in the relationship, as a person I am his equal. My worth is just as great as his. And if I'm his... Well, he's mine as well. We belong to each other, we have an equal claim on each other, and both of us are equally capable of walking away if the relationship stops fulfilling our wants and/or needs. In my head, "owned" makes it all seem rather one sided, as if he would be the only person in the relationship with worth, like I wouldn't have any claim on him... I would be his but he wouldn't be mine.
And that's it. That last line there is what bothers me the most. Because he is mine, an idea that seems to be super frowned-upon in the D/s world. I couldn't belong to somebody who didn't belong to me. I couldn't invest in someone who wasn't equally invested in me... So to hell with you, "Owned." I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine, and that doesn't make me any less submissive than the chick who squees all over every forum in the Kinkyverse about how proud she is to be owned. It doesn't make Cookie any less Domly than a guy who's got "Owner of" plastered on his profile.
Or maybe it does and we're both going to get kicked out of the club.
Oh well. We'll just start our own club then, I guess. Difficult Untrue Submissives Who Belong To The Domlies Who Are Proud To Belong To Them... Or something.
Shit. Sounds like cat people, doesn't it?
I was reminded today of this weird conundrum I've got, and I figured that I couldn't be the only submissive person on the face of the planet with the same issue, so I'd write about it.
And yeah, it's probably weird (maybe not on the level of Freakishly Weird, but considering how many s-types seem to squee and get all warm-and-fuzzy at the mere thought of being able to apply this particular designation to themselves, it's pretty strange)...
You see, I've got a problem with the "Owned" designation for not-single submissives.
It just rubs me the wrong way.
And it annoys me that it rubs me the wrong way. I mean, I'm supposed to be submissive right? This sort of thing should be pinging my little submissive radar and making my skivvies moist. I should be going into paroxysms of joy at the mere thought of referring to myself as Cookie's Owned Submissive... But I don't.
I get all bristly and bothered and grumpy about it. Really, I can feel frown lines forming just thinking about it. I'm having to rub the spot between my eyebrows to keep the lines from sticking (I'm getting old. This frowning business is serious stuff for my face).
So... Why?
It's just a word, right? It's just a way to let folks know that you're not-single... But married kinda does that. And monogamous implies it as well. And blah blah blah, I just cannot stand that word.
Maybe it's because I'm a pretty literal person. Owned implies stuff I'd rather not think about- Real slavery, the days when women were chattel, a non-consensual imbalance of equality in a relationship... Nothing that makes me feel all squishy inside, like a warm Danish. Stuff that makes me feel icky.
Plus, the fact that it's not actually possible to own another human being in this country kinda makes the label seem rather pointless. Like, "Yeah, suuuuuure... You own that person. Uh-huh."
Maybe it's because, despite our unequal amounts of authority in the relationship, as a person I am his equal. My worth is just as great as his. And if I'm his... Well, he's mine as well. We belong to each other, we have an equal claim on each other, and both of us are equally capable of walking away if the relationship stops fulfilling our wants and/or needs. In my head, "owned" makes it all seem rather one sided, as if he would be the only person in the relationship with worth, like I wouldn't have any claim on him... I would be his but he wouldn't be mine.
And that's it. That last line there is what bothers me the most. Because he is mine, an idea that seems to be super frowned-upon in the D/s world. I couldn't belong to somebody who didn't belong to me. I couldn't invest in someone who wasn't equally invested in me... So to hell with you, "Owned." I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine, and that doesn't make me any less submissive than the chick who squees all over every forum in the Kinkyverse about how proud she is to be owned. It doesn't make Cookie any less Domly than a guy who's got "Owner of" plastered on his profile.
Or maybe it does and we're both going to get kicked out of the club.
Oh well. We'll just start our own club then, I guess. Difficult Untrue Submissives Who Belong To The Domlies Who Are Proud To Belong To Them... Or something.
Shit. Sounds like cat people, doesn't it?
Sunday, July 13, 2014
There's a DimDom in my Inbox. Ew.
Sometimes the DimDoms, whose failure at reading profiles (especially the about me, looking for, and relationship status bits) has bee well documented decide that it's a good idea to message me. I don't know why they'd think this, but sometimes it can be fun to see where their derpy conversation goes... This one, yeah. I don't know about this one.
..................................................................................................................................................................
My thoughts look like this.
Cookie was kind enough to let me use his profile to egg on the derpy DimDom.
hey babygirlie
babygirlie? WTF? This guy does realize I'm 11 years older than he is, right? He had to at least have checked that bit in my profile.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
what will it take for you to blow me?
Nothing You could ever hope to possess, twit.. But seeing as this could be good for some amusement I won't block you just yet.
Me
Well, I guess I'd have to have some interest in blowing you, which I don't, so...
Better luck elsewhere.
Oh look! I can be nice-ish, even to twits. What's he going to come back with?
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
What if i told you all about me and we got to know each other? im a nice man im just very lonely in the girl department, and i find you pretty, itd be nice for a fantasy to be a reality one time.
Seriously? Did he really just play the "But I'm A Pathetic Nice Guy" card? Man, saddest game EVAR. Does that even work? Has there ever been some chick who's just felt soooo bad for the derp that she says, "Oh, you poor derp. I feel bad for your lack of lady-getting skills and I will now grant you a pity beej"?
Me
Tell you what- Feel free to message my Dominant (he's on here BTW, listed right at the top of my profile right next to "Married to" and "monogamous with" and "owned by").
If you can get him to agree to let me put my mouth on another man's cock, then we'll talk.
Subtle, but not too subtle... I mean, "monogamous" is RIGHT THERE. He'll get it, right? Maybe? Nobody can be that derpy.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
Ok- i will talk to him and if he gives permission then ill write back, ok? i need a good blowjob and i bet you do it well.
Guess not. But this could be interesting... Let's see what he says to "Cookie."
...To Hubby Man:
The part of Cookie will be played by Squeaky today, as Cookie is too busy working to deal with the derp.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
cookies squeaky, is a nice looking girl, i went to talk with her and she seems nice, but told me she is in a mono relationship so cant see others. All i want is a nice blowjob and im a nice friendly guy and she tol dme if she had your permission she'd happily do it.
I was thinking we could meet at a nice casino or something eat/listen to music then I will use her mouth for a little bit, if she has any limits id respect them, what you think? you ok with her doing it?
Wait, I said what?
*Scrolls up...*
No, I did not say that, or anything close to that... But this does give me an excellent opportunity to see if the "nice guy" is really nice, or not.
The Hubby 34M
Flint, Michigan
I think My sub and I are going to have to have a little "talk" when I get home about what monogamous means and how her mouth isn't for anybody's junk but Mine.
But thanks for bringing it to My attention that I need to correct her behavior ASAP.
Cookie
Ooo... The "big mean domly dom card." Any person with at least a modicum of empathy would feel bad if they got someone in trouble. Will there be back peddling?
...To Husband Man:
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
Well maybe a good punishment willl be to abuse her throat, give it a good pounding and tie her arms and force her to take it, she needs it done to her. Im sorry for getting you upset and asking, its a shame i cant use her mouth lol.
I wish i could even watch her suck you off on skype though? let me knoe
Nope. This dood's pleased that he's potentially gotten someone in trouble by blatantly lying about what they said? Wow... Just, wow.
...And back to me:
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
oh u about to be in deep water when he comes home. yepppp
sigh... Yep, he's a Real & True "Nice Guy(tm)"
Me
Or, far more likely, he's going to come home, we're going to laugh about the moron who was too stupid to understand the concept of monogamy, and then we'll fuck like rabid bunnies. Seriously. Did you honestly think that there was any chance in hell that he'd be all "Sure man, go ahead and get a beej from my wife"? Or that I'd actually do it? Tool.
But hey, thanks for giving us some great fodder for a group that totally enjoys messages from inept kinksters and the inept kinksers who send that sort of shit.
Yeah, there's a group for mocking this sort of thing, but it's like Fight Club. We're not supposed to talk about it.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
what the hell is that group? can u show me at least lol?
btw quit actin like im this big bad clown, i saw a girl i asked for some head, its what u kinda girls are into and do on the reg. are you in denial or something lol?
Girls like me? Oh, he must mean "girls in crappy porn and erotica". And "denial"? WTF? Because I'm in a monogamous relationship? Is this some sort of convoluted "You're a fake sub" line?
Me
Huh. You lie to my husband, gloat about thinking you've gotten me in trouble, and I'm supposed to do something for you...
That's funny.
Oh, and BTW, girls like me? We don't fuck clowns. Maybe if you stopped acting like one you'd see more action.
Fucking clown.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
you clearly are in for a rude awakening you got NO CLUE. you dont know your place in life and you dont realise how used you are getting by that guy you call a husband, i feel bad for you now
No clue AND I'm being used... I'll be sure to tell Husband man that after he gets done with his 13 hour day working to support his wife and family. Yep. Poor Cookie probably had no clue that he's supposed to let derps use me because if he doesn't then he's using me... Wait, what? Ow, my brain.
Me
Now that's just sad. Almost as sad as that pitiful "I'm a nice guy who can't get my dick sucked" game you tried to run.
Clown boy- I've been doing this relationship and kink thing since you were in grade school. You want to see someone who doesn't have a clue, go find a mirror because it sure as hell isn't me.
I bet he's going to start in with the derogatory name calling soon, it's pretty much his only option by now.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
yah your insults really turn me down i mean, you cant even think and act for yourself. You need to find a "man" to order you around, to tell you what to do, you live and depend on a guy, yeah you are a STRONG MINDED CHICK? LOL PLZ. hes got you pegged girl. sad sad, 1 day ull wakeup.
Oh, close. He had to go with how "weak" submissive women are. And an insult to my relationship and Cookie's ethical compass... I think there are bonus points for that on my derpy DimDom BINGO card...
Me
And your blatantly inaccurate assumptions about my life are making me laugh. A lot. Keep it up, eventually you might say something I haven't already heard 100 times before.
...And that's the last I heard from him.
Until, like a bad sequel, he returned to pester Husband Man...
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
your bitch told me to work out plans with you, whats a good hotel i can meet you guys at?
Come on now, that's just sad guy. Give up already. You HAVE to know by now that we're talking about this to each other. You can't be THAT stupid, can you?
The Hubby 34M
Flint, Michigan
LOL.
She did? Interesting, because I can't recall her saying that in any of the messages she exchanged with you (which I read, by the way).
You bore me.
I am bored, bored I say!
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
ok heres what happened, we talked on the phone, then she blocked me to make it look like she hates me but we are working something out. Dont worry im not gonna do nothin bad to her, just use her mouth thats it .
keep not trusting your loved one real solid relationship there man.
keep controllin her ur a strong real man Lollllll
Huh? "keep not trusting me"? What's he talking about? I don't understand!!! We're talking to each other about this RIGHT NOW. Where's the lack of trust in that?
The Hubby34M
Flint, Michigan
More boring, unimaginative tripe. But I expected no less.
Shoo! You have now outlived your usefulness as a tool for our amusement. We no longer require your services, as lame as they were.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
nice comeback man. lets find out if you are weak like your girl and block, or maybe ull do that after i show you the pictures of me and her together? i mean she said she needed a real man
Oh, I see what happened there. He got "man" and "clown" confused... Poor thing.
The Hubby34M
Flint, Michigan
Ok. Send me pictures. Make sure to get the tattoo on her thigh in them so I know it's her though.
Otherwise I'd be inclined to think that you're just a sad, pathetic little man with nothing better to do than tell blatantly obvious lies in an effort to stroke his own ego.
A) I don't have a tattoo on my thigh.
B) Pretty sure I already think that. Probably because it's pretty obvious.
And then I blocked him on Cookie's account. The derp was amusing for a bit, but like most derp it gets old fast.
..................................................................................................................................................................
My thoughts look like this.
Cookie was kind enough to let me use his profile to egg on the derpy DimDom.
hey babygirlie
babygirlie? WTF? This guy does realize I'm 11 years older than he is, right? He had to at least have checked that bit in my profile.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
what will it take for you to blow me?
Nothing You could ever hope to possess, twit.. But seeing as this could be good for some amusement I won't block you just yet.
Me
Well, I guess I'd have to have some interest in blowing you, which I don't, so...
Better luck elsewhere.
Oh look! I can be nice-ish, even to twits. What's he going to come back with?
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
What if i told you all about me and we got to know each other? im a nice man im just very lonely in the girl department, and i find you pretty, itd be nice for a fantasy to be a reality one time.
Seriously? Did he really just play the "But I'm A Pathetic Nice Guy" card? Man, saddest game EVAR. Does that even work? Has there ever been some chick who's just felt soooo bad for the derp that she says, "Oh, you poor derp. I feel bad for your lack of lady-getting skills and I will now grant you a pity beej"?
Me
Tell you what- Feel free to message my Dominant (he's on here BTW, listed right at the top of my profile right next to "Married to" and "monogamous with" and "owned by").
If you can get him to agree to let me put my mouth on another man's cock, then we'll talk.
Subtle, but not too subtle... I mean, "monogamous" is RIGHT THERE. He'll get it, right? Maybe? Nobody can be that derpy.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
Ok- i will talk to him and if he gives permission then ill write back, ok? i need a good blowjob and i bet you do it well.
Guess not. But this could be interesting... Let's see what he says to "Cookie."
...To Hubby Man:
The part of Cookie will be played by Squeaky today, as Cookie is too busy working to deal with the derp.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
cookies squeaky, is a nice looking girl, i went to talk with her and she seems nice, but told me she is in a mono relationship so cant see others. All i want is a nice blowjob and im a nice friendly guy and she tol dme if she had your permission she'd happily do it.
I was thinking we could meet at a nice casino or something eat/listen to music then I will use her mouth for a little bit, if she has any limits id respect them, what you think? you ok with her doing it?
Wait, I said what?
*Scrolls up...*
No, I did not say that, or anything close to that... But this does give me an excellent opportunity to see if the "nice guy" is really nice, or not.
The Hubby 34M
Flint, Michigan
I think My sub and I are going to have to have a little "talk" when I get home about what monogamous means and how her mouth isn't for anybody's junk but Mine.
But thanks for bringing it to My attention that I need to correct her behavior ASAP.
Cookie
Ooo... The "big mean domly dom card." Any person with at least a modicum of empathy would feel bad if they got someone in trouble. Will there be back peddling?
...To Husband Man:
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
Well maybe a good punishment willl be to abuse her throat, give it a good pounding and tie her arms and force her to take it, she needs it done to her. Im sorry for getting you upset and asking, its a shame i cant use her mouth lol.
I wish i could even watch her suck you off on skype though? let me knoe
Nope. This dood's pleased that he's potentially gotten someone in trouble by blatantly lying about what they said? Wow... Just, wow.
...And back to me:
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
oh u about to be in deep water when he comes home. yepppp
sigh... Yep, he's a Real & True "Nice Guy(tm)"
Me
Or, far more likely, he's going to come home, we're going to laugh about the moron who was too stupid to understand the concept of monogamy, and then we'll fuck like rabid bunnies. Seriously. Did you honestly think that there was any chance in hell that he'd be all "Sure man, go ahead and get a beej from my wife"? Or that I'd actually do it? Tool.
But hey, thanks for giving us some great fodder for a group that totally enjoys messages from inept kinksters and the inept kinksers who send that sort of shit.
Yeah, there's a group for mocking this sort of thing, but it's like Fight Club. We're not supposed to talk about it.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
what the hell is that group? can u show me at least lol?
btw quit actin like im this big bad clown, i saw a girl i asked for some head, its what u kinda girls are into and do on the reg. are you in denial or something lol?
Girls like me? Oh, he must mean "girls in crappy porn and erotica". And "denial"? WTF? Because I'm in a monogamous relationship? Is this some sort of convoluted "You're a fake sub" line?
Me
Huh. You lie to my husband, gloat about thinking you've gotten me in trouble, and I'm supposed to do something for you...
That's funny.
Oh, and BTW, girls like me? We don't fuck clowns. Maybe if you stopped acting like one you'd see more action.
Fucking clown.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
you clearly are in for a rude awakening you got NO CLUE. you dont know your place in life and you dont realise how used you are getting by that guy you call a husband, i feel bad for you now
No clue AND I'm being used... I'll be sure to tell Husband man that after he gets done with his 13 hour day working to support his wife and family. Yep. Poor Cookie probably had no clue that he's supposed to let derps use me because if he doesn't then he's using me... Wait, what? Ow, my brain.
Me
Now that's just sad. Almost as sad as that pitiful "I'm a nice guy who can't get my dick sucked" game you tried to run.
Clown boy- I've been doing this relationship and kink thing since you were in grade school. You want to see someone who doesn't have a clue, go find a mirror because it sure as hell isn't me.
I bet he's going to start in with the derogatory name calling soon, it's pretty much his only option by now.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
yah your insults really turn me down i mean, you cant even think and act for yourself. You need to find a "man" to order you around, to tell you what to do, you live and depend on a guy, yeah you are a STRONG MINDED CHICK? LOL PLZ. hes got you pegged girl. sad sad, 1 day ull wakeup.
Oh, close. He had to go with how "weak" submissive women are. And an insult to my relationship and Cookie's ethical compass... I think there are bonus points for that on my derpy DimDom BINGO card...
Me
And your blatantly inaccurate assumptions about my life are making me laugh. A lot. Keep it up, eventually you might say something I haven't already heard 100 times before.
...And that's the last I heard from him.
Until, like a bad sequel, he returned to pester Husband Man...
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
your bitch told me to work out plans with you, whats a good hotel i can meet you guys at?
Come on now, that's just sad guy. Give up already. You HAVE to know by now that we're talking about this to each other. You can't be THAT stupid, can you?
The Hubby 34M
Flint, Michigan
LOL.
She did? Interesting, because I can't recall her saying that in any of the messages she exchanged with you (which I read, by the way).
You bore me.
I am bored, bored I say!
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
ok heres what happened, we talked on the phone, then she blocked me to make it look like she hates me but we are working something out. Dont worry im not gonna do nothin bad to her, just use her mouth thats it .
keep not trusting your loved one real solid relationship there man.
keep controllin her ur a strong real man Lollllll
Huh? "keep not trusting me"? What's he talking about? I don't understand!!! We're talking to each other about this RIGHT NOW. Where's the lack of trust in that?
The Hubby34M
Flint, Michigan
More boring, unimaginative tripe. But I expected no less.
Shoo! You have now outlived your usefulness as a tool for our amusement. We no longer require your services, as lame as they were.
SukMahWeenie!25M
Almost Canada, USA
nice comeback man. lets find out if you are weak like your girl and block, or maybe ull do that after i show you the pictures of me and her together? i mean she said she needed a real man
Oh, I see what happened there. He got "man" and "clown" confused... Poor thing.
The Hubby34M
Flint, Michigan
Ok. Send me pictures. Make sure to get the tattoo on her thigh in them so I know it's her though.
Otherwise I'd be inclined to think that you're just a sad, pathetic little man with nothing better to do than tell blatantly obvious lies in an effort to stroke his own ego.
A) I don't have a tattoo on my thigh.
B) Pretty sure I already think that. Probably because it's pretty obvious.
And then I blocked him on Cookie's account. The derp was amusing for a bit, but like most derp it gets old fast.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Submission Doesn't Exist In An Vacuum, Dear (AKA "What's Important To You?").
The other day Cookie and I were skulking around our not-so-local sex toy store because we have a great big wad of cash and felt a burning need to blow some of it on sexy-time stuff. Good times.
In the course of our consumerist frenzy though something of interest happened- Cookie called me a "bad sub" one time too many and I replied, "Well, submission doesn't exist in a vacuum, dear."
Oops.
I knew as soon as I said it, that it sounded bad. Like he wasn't doing enough as a Dom, that I was unhappy, other assorted not-so-good things implied... Thing is, it's not like that at all.
It's just... Well, we've never really talked about what's important to him. I've tried asking him a few times, but I guess it didn't stick so I've been guessing and basing my actions off things he's said.
His Ex spent him into bankruptcy? Ok, he can control the finances.
His Ex was always doing shit, buying shit, reorganizing the house without his input? Great! I can ask for his input.
He's said, "I like a struggle, it makes me feel powerful when I win"... Excellent. I can struggle and lose like a pro.
But he's never said, "Squeaky, this is what I want."
To be fair, I've never said it either.
So we tried to talk about it in the car ride home, I said, "What is important to you?"
He answered, "I don't know. What's important to you?"
And we reached an impasse.
Because the thing is, it's not really something I've thought about.
I don't mind him managing the finances, he's better at it than me. I don't mind asking for his input. But those "I don't mind" things aren't really important, are they?
I know for a long while that I'm not the sort of person who does well without direction. Left to my own devices I'll play Kongregate games for 10 hours and to hell with the dishes, or laundry, or brushing the dog... I'd probably do better with a few more rules that what we have.
I don't know how effective rules will be though, because I kind of have a problem with authority. In fact, my entire life I've thumbed my nose at it and broken rules because, well, why not?
No. I don't think that will work at all. I really do need to know what's important to him because that is what's important to me. On my own I have the fantasy-in-my-head shit that gets me off, but that stuff won't work in real life, and there's nothing I really really want, other than some active input from him so I know what to do.
Which makes me wonder if that's really very odd or something. I read about submissives who have all these specific wants for their dynamic- And I just don't have any. Other than not being in charge, and contributing to his happiness.
Maybe those are my important things?
But they're so vague.
I don't know (fancy that, something I don't know about).
Which is why I've asked him to bring home some beer tonight as it tends to help the thinking business along, or more accurately, the sharing of the thinking business.
Meh.
I'm just thinking out loud here, trying to organize my thoughts. Hell, trying to form some thoughts.
Sorry about the brain spew, guys.
In the course of our consumerist frenzy though something of interest happened- Cookie called me a "bad sub" one time too many and I replied, "Well, submission doesn't exist in a vacuum, dear."
Oops.
I knew as soon as I said it, that it sounded bad. Like he wasn't doing enough as a Dom, that I was unhappy, other assorted not-so-good things implied... Thing is, it's not like that at all.
It's just... Well, we've never really talked about what's important to him. I've tried asking him a few times, but I guess it didn't stick so I've been guessing and basing my actions off things he's said.
His Ex spent him into bankruptcy? Ok, he can control the finances.
His Ex was always doing shit, buying shit, reorganizing the house without his input? Great! I can ask for his input.
He's said, "I like a struggle, it makes me feel powerful when I win"... Excellent. I can struggle and lose like a pro.
But he's never said, "Squeaky, this is what I want."
To be fair, I've never said it either.
So we tried to talk about it in the car ride home, I said, "What is important to you?"
He answered, "I don't know. What's important to you?"
And we reached an impasse.
Because the thing is, it's not really something I've thought about.
I don't mind him managing the finances, he's better at it than me. I don't mind asking for his input. But those "I don't mind" things aren't really important, are they?
I know for a long while that I'm not the sort of person who does well without direction. Left to my own devices I'll play Kongregate games for 10 hours and to hell with the dishes, or laundry, or brushing the dog... I'd probably do better with a few more rules that what we have.
I don't know how effective rules will be though, because I kind of have a problem with authority. In fact, my entire life I've thumbed my nose at it and broken rules because, well, why not?
No. I don't think that will work at all. I really do need to know what's important to him because that is what's important to me. On my own I have the fantasy-in-my-head shit that gets me off, but that stuff won't work in real life, and there's nothing I really really want, other than some active input from him so I know what to do.
Which makes me wonder if that's really very odd or something. I read about submissives who have all these specific wants for their dynamic- And I just don't have any. Other than not being in charge, and contributing to his happiness.
Maybe those are my important things?
But they're so vague.
I don't know (fancy that, something I don't know about).
Which is why I've asked him to bring home some beer tonight as it tends to help the thinking business along, or more accurately, the sharing of the thinking business.
Meh.
I'm just thinking out loud here, trying to organize my thoughts. Hell, trying to form some thoughts.
Sorry about the brain spew, guys.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
A little rant about the affordability of the Affordable Care Act.
I'm sorry to interrupt my usual ranting about stupid kinksters with a political rant, but the 75 recent posts on my Facebook page about how insanely wonderful "Obamacare" was have put me over the edge.
I think it was last November when I first looked at the page for the new Affordable Health Insurance. Like a lot of Americans I had been hearing really great things about it and I was rather excited by the thought that Cookie and I might finally be able to get health insurance- I'd been without since my Ex and I divorced (and had racked up a 25K hospital bill for something that appeared to be appendicitis but wasn't), and Cookie hadn't had insurance since he fell off his parent's policy when he turned 18... In 1997.
I'd also heard some not-so-good things, but I'm an optimistic idiot sometimes. I wanted ACA to be a good thing because it could be a good thing, and my first visit to the website excited me- It informed me that because of what Cookie earned we would qualify for a $255/mo credit to use towards our health insurance and with that credit we could buy Blue Cross insurance for $137 dollars per month.
$137 a month! For two people! Awesome!
Alright, maybe not so awesome... That $137 would have to come from somewhere, and although we do alright money-wise, it's not like we have an extra $137 lying around every month that we can use to pay for something else. My car insurance would have to go- But that was OK. I didn't drive much anyways, plenty of people did just fine in a one car household, and if I wanted to put a really positive spin on it- It would really be good for The Diet if I couldn't just zip up to Kroger every time I got a sweet tooth and it would reduce my carbon footprint. I could be skinnier AND green!
Enter some procrastination and we finally got around to signing up in January. Or we tried to.
The website had a shit fit because Cookie's regular pay (which is what they base your tax credit off) and he gross salary were quite a bit different due to him working quite a bit of overtime. It had another fit because I didn't enter my SSN into one field (but did enter it at another part of the application) so the government thought I wasn't an American or something...
We had to sort that mess out.
It was finally March before we could complete the application and actually see the information regarding the plans we could pick... Suffice to say, we were not happy campers.
But we had no choice really- ACA was law, if we didn't enroll we'd end up having to pay fines, so we picked the cheapest plan we could (the afore mentioned Blue Cross bronze plan for $137 a month) and somehow convinced ourselves that we were not being hosed by the government and Blue Cross and somehow ACA would be as great as it was supposed to be... You know, making health care affordable for those of us would couldn't previously afford to buy insurance.
And then the Blue Cross Member Handbook came in the mail.
Confused, I scratched my noggin and called my mom. She had lots of experience with health insurance so maybe she could figure out if the booklet wasn't telling me what I thought it was telling me.
My mom's face was priceless. She said, "This is ludicrous. Without health insurance you'd go bankrupt if something bad happened, with this insurance you'll go bankrupt just trying to see a doctor AND if something bad happens."
You see, the deductible and the out-of-pocket expenses when you can only afford the Bronze plan are a bit steep...
They're both in the ballpark of $12,000... And I don't know about you, but I don't have 12K just sitting around waiting to be used in case I get sick.
And the way our policy is worded- Our insurance doesn't pay a co-pay for doctor or hospital visits until after we spend TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS on medical care.
$30 co-pay to visit the doctor... AFTER deductible. So if an office visit costs $80, we have to pay that $80 until we've spent $11,900... THEN it's only $30. I don't know about you, but I can't really afford to throw $80 at the Doctor every time I think I need to go see him (or her). And Dog forbid that I need to see a specialist or that we reproduce.
Then there's trips to the ER. A $250 co-pay AFTER deductible? Fat lot of good that does me before the deductible is met.
Hospital stays? $500... And then for both of those I'm responsible for 40% of the bill after we reach the out-of-pocket maximum. So for my last hospital visit with a 25K bill? I'd have to pony up 12K and then 40% of 13K...
How is this "affordable"?
Sure, we can sort of afford the insurance, but we sure as hell cannot afford to actually use it.
So I bet you can see why I'm a little (or a lot) pissed. We're being forced to pay for a service that we can't use, and what's the point of having insurance if you can't afford to use it? Oh, right... The insurance companies make bank. They get to pocket that $137 a month we pay them secure in the knowledge that it's will be incredibly unlikely that we'll force them to pay out anything unless we absolutely have no option but to go to the ER (we definitely won't be going to see a doctor any time soon).
So, ACA or no ACA, we're in the same boat we have been in- A major medical issue will bankrupt us, no ifs, ands, or buts.
So what's the point?
I think it was last November when I first looked at the page for the new Affordable Health Insurance. Like a lot of Americans I had been hearing really great things about it and I was rather excited by the thought that Cookie and I might finally be able to get health insurance- I'd been without since my Ex and I divorced (and had racked up a 25K hospital bill for something that appeared to be appendicitis but wasn't), and Cookie hadn't had insurance since he fell off his parent's policy when he turned 18... In 1997.
I'd also heard some not-so-good things, but I'm an optimistic idiot sometimes. I wanted ACA to be a good thing because it could be a good thing, and my first visit to the website excited me- It informed me that because of what Cookie earned we would qualify for a $255/mo credit to use towards our health insurance and with that credit we could buy Blue Cross insurance for $137 dollars per month.
$137 a month! For two people! Awesome!
Alright, maybe not so awesome... That $137 would have to come from somewhere, and although we do alright money-wise, it's not like we have an extra $137 lying around every month that we can use to pay for something else. My car insurance would have to go- But that was OK. I didn't drive much anyways, plenty of people did just fine in a one car household, and if I wanted to put a really positive spin on it- It would really be good for The Diet if I couldn't just zip up to Kroger every time I got a sweet tooth and it would reduce my carbon footprint. I could be skinnier AND green!
Enter some procrastination and we finally got around to signing up in January. Or we tried to.
The website had a shit fit because Cookie's regular pay (which is what they base your tax credit off) and he gross salary were quite a bit different due to him working quite a bit of overtime. It had another fit because I didn't enter my SSN into one field (but did enter it at another part of the application) so the government thought I wasn't an American or something...
We had to sort that mess out.
It was finally March before we could complete the application and actually see the information regarding the plans we could pick... Suffice to say, we were not happy campers.
But we had no choice really- ACA was law, if we didn't enroll we'd end up having to pay fines, so we picked the cheapest plan we could (the afore mentioned Blue Cross bronze plan for $137 a month) and somehow convinced ourselves that we were not being hosed by the government and Blue Cross and somehow ACA would be as great as it was supposed to be... You know, making health care affordable for those of us would couldn't previously afford to buy insurance.
And then the Blue Cross Member Handbook came in the mail.
Confused, I scratched my noggin and called my mom. She had lots of experience with health insurance so maybe she could figure out if the booklet wasn't telling me what I thought it was telling me.
My mom's face was priceless. She said, "This is ludicrous. Without health insurance you'd go bankrupt if something bad happened, with this insurance you'll go bankrupt just trying to see a doctor AND if something bad happens."
You see, the deductible and the out-of-pocket expenses when you can only afford the Bronze plan are a bit steep...
They're both in the ballpark of $12,000... And I don't know about you, but I don't have 12K just sitting around waiting to be used in case I get sick.
And the way our policy is worded- Our insurance doesn't pay a co-pay for doctor or hospital visits until after we spend TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS on medical care.
$30 co-pay to visit the doctor... AFTER deductible. So if an office visit costs $80, we have to pay that $80 until we've spent $11,900... THEN it's only $30. I don't know about you, but I can't really afford to throw $80 at the Doctor every time I think I need to go see him (or her). And Dog forbid that I need to see a specialist or that we reproduce.
Then there's trips to the ER. A $250 co-pay AFTER deductible? Fat lot of good that does me before the deductible is met.
Hospital stays? $500... And then for both of those I'm responsible for 40% of the bill after we reach the out-of-pocket maximum. So for my last hospital visit with a 25K bill? I'd have to pony up 12K and then 40% of 13K...
How is this "affordable"?
Sure, we can sort of afford the insurance, but we sure as hell cannot afford to actually use it.
So I bet you can see why I'm a little (or a lot) pissed. We're being forced to pay for a service that we can't use, and what's the point of having insurance if you can't afford to use it? Oh, right... The insurance companies make bank. They get to pocket that $137 a month we pay them secure in the knowledge that it's will be incredibly unlikely that we'll force them to pay out anything unless we absolutely have no option but to go to the ER (we definitely won't be going to see a doctor any time soon).
So, ACA or no ACA, we're in the same boat we have been in- A major medical issue will bankrupt us, no ifs, ands, or buts.
So what's the point?
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Being Parents in The Kinkyverse
Poor Cookie is sad. He's moping.
It's making me laugh.
I'm running around free and wild (no cuffs, no collar, free!), I haven't called him Lord High Bossy Man in hours, he can't walk in the door and drop trou to get an after-work BJ... He's got it rough right now and the three little reasons for that are currently camped out on the couch watching Phineas & Ferb (at decibel levels generally only experienced by people who decide to stand next to a jumbo jet when it takes off).
It's Spring Break and we've got the kids for a week.
And while I've got these little lovable hellions running amok all over our lair I figured that it would be a pretty good time to address an issue that many kinksters have to manage- Parenthood and Kink.
How to manage both things without psychologically damaging everybody involved is a pretty big question for new kinksters who have kids- You want to have a dynamic that fulfills you and your partner and you want to provide a healthy environment for the small folk... But how the hell do you do that exactly?
It's definitely a different experience when kids are around. I mean, when you're alone you don't really have to think about it much, you can do whatever you damn well please and it's awesome. You can meander around the house buck naked, scromp where ever and whenever you feel like it, leave toys scattered about at random (OK, we can't do that because we have dogs who are very fond of leather), it's not something you have to think about. It can just happen.
Enter the small people and it's a different ball game.
Our experience with Kink & Kids is as follows:
All of a sudden we're using code that the CIA would be envious of.
Cookie's saying, "Darling, could you get me a pop please?" and the kids are hearing their step dad being lovey and polite, but I'm hearing "Squeaky! Go get me a pop! Now! Do it! And quit smirking at me or as soon as the kids go back to their dad's house..."
There's just stuff you don't say around kids and the stuff you can say sometimes needs to be said in a way that sets a good example. I don't want my kids thinking that it's OK to act like manner less, barn-raised, heathens so things like "please" and "thank you" are being uttered far more often than usual. Asking nicely is trumping dictatorial demands.
And I can't really call him Lord High Bossy Man in front of them. That's just weird. It would be even more weird if he were to call me something inappropriate, so now we're Dear and Darling full-time.
Sex has become a much quieter affair.
We have a small house and I think when they built it they used tissue paper instead of drywall. I can hear a dog fart from 50 feet away and in a different room... So sex? It's like high school again when you used to make out while your partner's parents were asleep and you were half afraid that they were going to wake up and chase you off with a shotgun. Which is kind of fun in a way, but it also puts a serious damper on how energetic you can get.
And how loud you can get. I don't care if the neighbors think I'm being skinned alive and yowling for god to come save me, but I don't especially care to have my kids hear that. Or the excited chipmunk noises I make. Or Cookie's noises (ever heard a wildebeest die? It's like that. But sexy...)
Play.
What play?
I've heard that other parents manage it, but dog only knows how. They must have basements or cork-lined play rooms. Or maybe a thing for pillow fights which are a fairly quiet activity. All of our toys are currently stashed in the bedroom closet gathering dust... And I suppose we could find some creative way to play quietly, but after he works a 13 hour shift and I've spent the day chasing after the human equivalents of the Tasmanian Devil? Neither of us have the energy to get creative.
Being a parent and having a dynamic isn't something that's featured in books. It's not the stuff of sexy erotica- Can you imagine how sexy it wouldn't be if you're in the middle of getting your giggity-goo on and from the other side of the bedroom door you hear "Mooooooooom! I'm thirsty!" Or worse yet, the door opens...
It makes me glad that I'm not the custodial parent. We only have to put things on pause for a few weeks out of the year so it's not a big deal. I can't imagine how full-time parents manage to have an active dynamic AND get in some play on occasion... Though I guess that's when "date nights" and trips to Grandma's house would come in handy.
Eventually I might try to come up with a practical guide to parenting and Kink... But right now it's time to interest the small folk in something that won't rot their brain. I'm thinking Pearler Beads (a thought I will undoubtedly regret as soon as I have to spend hours picking them up off the floor).
It's making me laugh.
I'm running around free and wild (no cuffs, no collar, free!), I haven't called him Lord High Bossy Man in hours, he can't walk in the door and drop trou to get an after-work BJ... He's got it rough right now and the three little reasons for that are currently camped out on the couch watching Phineas & Ferb (at decibel levels generally only experienced by people who decide to stand next to a jumbo jet when it takes off).
It's Spring Break and we've got the kids for a week.
And while I've got these little lovable hellions running amok all over our lair I figured that it would be a pretty good time to address an issue that many kinksters have to manage- Parenthood and Kink.
How to manage both things without psychologically damaging everybody involved is a pretty big question for new kinksters who have kids- You want to have a dynamic that fulfills you and your partner and you want to provide a healthy environment for the small folk... But how the hell do you do that exactly?
It's definitely a different experience when kids are around. I mean, when you're alone you don't really have to think about it much, you can do whatever you damn well please and it's awesome. You can meander around the house buck naked, scromp where ever and whenever you feel like it, leave toys scattered about at random (OK, we can't do that because we have dogs who are very fond of leather), it's not something you have to think about. It can just happen.
Enter the small people and it's a different ball game.
Our experience with Kink & Kids is as follows:
All of a sudden we're using code that the CIA would be envious of.
Cookie's saying, "Darling, could you get me a pop please?" and the kids are hearing their step dad being lovey and polite, but I'm hearing "Squeaky! Go get me a pop! Now! Do it! And quit smirking at me or as soon as the kids go back to their dad's house..."
There's just stuff you don't say around kids and the stuff you can say sometimes needs to be said in a way that sets a good example. I don't want my kids thinking that it's OK to act like manner less, barn-raised, heathens so things like "please" and "thank you" are being uttered far more often than usual. Asking nicely is trumping dictatorial demands.
And I can't really call him Lord High Bossy Man in front of them. That's just weird. It would be even more weird if he were to call me something inappropriate, so now we're Dear and Darling full-time.
Sex has become a much quieter affair.
We have a small house and I think when they built it they used tissue paper instead of drywall. I can hear a dog fart from 50 feet away and in a different room... So sex? It's like high school again when you used to make out while your partner's parents were asleep and you were half afraid that they were going to wake up and chase you off with a shotgun. Which is kind of fun in a way, but it also puts a serious damper on how energetic you can get.
And how loud you can get. I don't care if the neighbors think I'm being skinned alive and yowling for god to come save me, but I don't especially care to have my kids hear that. Or the excited chipmunk noises I make. Or Cookie's noises (ever heard a wildebeest die? It's like that. But sexy...)
Play.
What play?
I've heard that other parents manage it, but dog only knows how. They must have basements or cork-lined play rooms. Or maybe a thing for pillow fights which are a fairly quiet activity. All of our toys are currently stashed in the bedroom closet gathering dust... And I suppose we could find some creative way to play quietly, but after he works a 13 hour shift and I've spent the day chasing after the human equivalents of the Tasmanian Devil? Neither of us have the energy to get creative.
Being a parent and having a dynamic isn't something that's featured in books. It's not the stuff of sexy erotica- Can you imagine how sexy it wouldn't be if you're in the middle of getting your giggity-goo on and from the other side of the bedroom door you hear "Mooooooooom! I'm thirsty!" Or worse yet, the door opens...
It makes me glad that I'm not the custodial parent. We only have to put things on pause for a few weeks out of the year so it's not a big deal. I can't imagine how full-time parents manage to have an active dynamic AND get in some play on occasion... Though I guess that's when "date nights" and trips to Grandma's house would come in handy.
Eventually I might try to come up with a practical guide to parenting and Kink... But right now it's time to interest the small folk in something that won't rot their brain. I'm thinking Pearler Beads (a thought I will undoubtedly regret as soon as I have to spend hours picking them up off the floor).
Sunday, April 6, 2014
I Should Be Writing...
But I'm not.
My lair has been infested by three lovable heathens with a penchant for reading over my shoulder. A few years ago that was fine, because they couldn't read, but now that they can? About the only thing I can write is recipes for cupcakes.
I can think of few things more dull than transcribing cupcake recipes so I'm not writing. Well, I am, but it's stuff like this- Dull stuff that I don't have to worry about the kids seeing ("Moooooom! what's a Kinkyverse? Why are you blogging? Can I read it? Why not? I'm hungry!")
Parenthood has it's joys, but this certainly isn't one of them.
Do you know how I'm managing to write without them prying? I'm hiding in the bathroom. We have two so I can totally fib a bit and tell them that last night's pizza is taking its sweet time exiting the arena while not worrying that they're going to get desperate and poop in the kitchen sink or something.
I miss them being illiterate.
Though I suspect that once their dad gets back in town (He's on a business trip) I'm going to have one heck of a blog about parenthood and the Kinkyverse to write... I think they're becoming suspicious. Or they're plotting. I can hear whispers. Sheesh. I don't remember tormenting my parents like this.
My lair has been infested by three lovable heathens with a penchant for reading over my shoulder. A few years ago that was fine, because they couldn't read, but now that they can? About the only thing I can write is recipes for cupcakes.
I can think of few things more dull than transcribing cupcake recipes so I'm not writing. Well, I am, but it's stuff like this- Dull stuff that I don't have to worry about the kids seeing ("Moooooom! what's a Kinkyverse? Why are you blogging? Can I read it? Why not? I'm hungry!")
Parenthood has it's joys, but this certainly isn't one of them.
Do you know how I'm managing to write without them prying? I'm hiding in the bathroom. We have two so I can totally fib a bit and tell them that last night's pizza is taking its sweet time exiting the arena while not worrying that they're going to get desperate and poop in the kitchen sink or something.
I miss them being illiterate.
Though I suspect that once their dad gets back in town (He's on a business trip) I'm going to have one heck of a blog about parenthood and the Kinkyverse to write... I think they're becoming suspicious. Or they're plotting. I can hear whispers. Sheesh. I don't remember tormenting my parents like this.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
I Had The Ebola Last Week.
A little while ago I mentioned that Beloved Cookie was ill.
The reward I got for being just about the best wife and submissive girl person ever whilst he was brought low by a bug? What do I get for cleaning out his puke bucket, fetching him chicky soup, and making sure his Kleenex supply was well stocked? How did he thank me for umpteen million grocery store runs to buy him OJ and Flu Drugs?
He gave it to me.
Bleh.
Thankfully, Cookie isn't a clod.
While I was busy yarping up my internal organs, producing more snot than the human sinus cavity should physically be capable of containing (unless a sinus cavity is like a Tardis), and generally displaying my misery by assuming the fetal position in the corner of the couch while making pathetic whimpering noises, Cookie took care of me.
He's awesome like that because he loves me and wants me to feel better.
And I only mention all this snot and vomit to bring up something I notice happening in the Kinkyverse that I thought about in between bouts of yickiness- The Unrealistic Expectations a lot of s-types seem to have about submission while sick.
Me? I had no problem being a miserable lump of sick Squeaky on the couch, no issues with sending Cookie to the store for more cough syrup, or letting him manage the house for a few days. The last thing I want to do when I feel like hammered shit is take care of crap I know he can manage on his own (plus, I secretly think he likes having a chance to be the care-giver on occasion).
But a lot of s-types seem to have issues about letting their D-types be the care-giver. I see it all the time online: "I feel bad because I'm sick and can't take care of my Dom!" or "I feel like a failure because I can't do XYZ while I'm running a 104 degree temperature and actually dying from Ebola!" or "I'm in a halo and he won't let me do XYZ..."
Ok. So maybe that last one is an exaggeration, I've yet to see someone in traction fretting because they can't kneel and suck cock, but you get the point. There's all this angst and I don't get it. At all. What's so horrible about being sick and letting someone who cares for you, you know, care for you?
I could understand it if they were ill and fretting because their clod-like Domly was demanding that they still do XYZ while running a 104 degree temperature and dying of Ebola... But this?
It just makes me scratch my noggin in a fit of confusion. You're sick, so what? Eventually you'll get better (well, maybe not from Ebola, I hear that's pretty rough on a body) and you can continue doing XYZ... Until then? Why not focus on, I dunno, getting better?
Meh.
I have nothing better to do because I'm still not all the way off the couch and I ran out of episodes of West Wing to watch on Netflix while the doggies warm my feet, so this is what you get. If it doesn't make any sense, just blame the Ebola.
The reward I got for being just about the best wife and submissive girl person ever whilst he was brought low by a bug? What do I get for cleaning out his puke bucket, fetching him chicky soup, and making sure his Kleenex supply was well stocked? How did he thank me for umpteen million grocery store runs to buy him OJ and Flu Drugs?
He gave it to me.
Bleh.
Thankfully, Cookie isn't a clod.
While I was busy yarping up my internal organs, producing more snot than the human sinus cavity should physically be capable of containing (unless a sinus cavity is like a Tardis), and generally displaying my misery by assuming the fetal position in the corner of the couch while making pathetic whimpering noises, Cookie took care of me.
He's awesome like that because he loves me and wants me to feel better.
And I only mention all this snot and vomit to bring up something I notice happening in the Kinkyverse that I thought about in between bouts of yickiness- The Unrealistic Expectations a lot of s-types seem to have about submission while sick.
Me? I had no problem being a miserable lump of sick Squeaky on the couch, no issues with sending Cookie to the store for more cough syrup, or letting him manage the house for a few days. The last thing I want to do when I feel like hammered shit is take care of crap I know he can manage on his own (plus, I secretly think he likes having a chance to be the care-giver on occasion).
But a lot of s-types seem to have issues about letting their D-types be the care-giver. I see it all the time online: "I feel bad because I'm sick and can't take care of my Dom!" or "I feel like a failure because I can't do XYZ while I'm running a 104 degree temperature and actually dying from Ebola!" or "I'm in a halo and he won't let me do XYZ..."
Ok. So maybe that last one is an exaggeration, I've yet to see someone in traction fretting because they can't kneel and suck cock, but you get the point. There's all this angst and I don't get it. At all. What's so horrible about being sick and letting someone who cares for you, you know, care for you?
I could understand it if they were ill and fretting because their clod-like Domly was demanding that they still do XYZ while running a 104 degree temperature and dying of Ebola... But this?
It just makes me scratch my noggin in a fit of confusion. You're sick, so what? Eventually you'll get better (well, maybe not from Ebola, I hear that's pretty rough on a body) and you can continue doing XYZ... Until then? Why not focus on, I dunno, getting better?
Meh.
I have nothing better to do because I'm still not all the way off the couch and I ran out of episodes of West Wing to watch on Netflix while the doggies warm my feet, so this is what you get. If it doesn't make any sense, just blame the Ebola.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
The Perfect Dominant
For those of you who haven't virtually met him, this is Cookie.
I write about him often because he's a very important part of my life, he's the biggest and best part of my happy, and I love him more than pie.
I often wax ecstatic about his many virtues:
How hard-working he is (he just got a raise, the second in the past year), his loyalty, brilliance, humor, dedication. What a good dad he is to the real kids and our puppy "kids." How neatly our kinks and general vanilla goals/beliefs/whatnot align... I tell everybody who will listen how perfect he is for me, because he is, and my ecstatic waxing is one way I show him how much I appreciate him (even if he doesn't read it. Someday he might).
I don't think it's odd that I like to write about his awesomeness, and it's something I see a lot of other submissive women (or just women in general) do when they're happy with their significant other and happy in their relationship. And in the context of the Kinkyverse, writing about our Domly Ones is often a way to illustrate that other submissives don't have to settle for someone who doesn't meet their needs, they can find someone awesome and have an awesome relationship because we've done it... Just look at how awesome our Doms are, look at how happy we are.
I think it's important to provide these examples, there are a lot of submissive women out there who think that they can't find the guy of their dreams, or that they have to settle, or that they can't expect more because they're submissive and for some reason D-types don't have to be compatible beyond kink... Providing examples of how we found not only the perfect guy for us, but the perfect Dom as well- that's good.
What's not so good, and what I started thinking about tonight is that when I and other submissives talk about our guys we're only ever talking about what makes them great guys. We only really talk about the good things, so I wonder if we're creating this picture of a Perfect Dominant that's setting an unrealistic bar for real life, normal guys to live up to.
We're creating a picture of what the Perfect Dominant is, what constitutes "real" and "true," and I wonder if that's not a bit unfair to them and to us.
In my writings, Cookie never fails, he never screws up, he doesn't get sick. He's always steadfast and strong, he never falters or fails. He's my safe harbor, a paragon of manly-domly virtue, and well... He's disgustingly perfect.
Thing is... He's not.
I tend to gloss over or just ignore all the ways he doesn't qualify for sainthood.
He makes dumb mistakes. The other day, the insurance on the car lapsed. We've been driving the car around for a week without insurance on it (granted, it's not just his fault, I could have asked about it, but he handles the money and bills so I didn't).
He never remembers to pull his undershirts out of his work shirts, something that drives me batty on laundry day.
Rinsing milk out of a glass is a concept he's totally unfamiliar with.
He doesn't always think things through- He actually thought it was a good idea to trade his car that ran well but he had a payment for his parent's paid-off, barely-running car... That he would have had to pay to fix.
He has an obsessive-compulsive need to acquire Nerf Guns. I'm dead serious. Some people hoard trash or pets? Cookie hoards Nerf guns.
Sometimes he feels down and I'm his rock.
Sometimes he can't handle something so I do it.
At the moment he's suffering from some version of the Flu that makes him complain, whine, puke, and snore all night long. All. Night. Long... Loudly.
He doesn't "know it all," he's not without his short-comings, and the reality of it is- He's not The Perfect Dominant. He's not the stuff of legends, of fiction, or anything even remotely reality based. He's human.
Although he might be perfect for me, he's far from perfection because nobody is actually perfect. Not outside the pages of fiction, anyways.
Just another random thought for another long, lonely night (ugh. I cannot wait for this third shift business to be over).
All the Nerf Guns!
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
A True Submissive...
I have a terrible confession to make.
Seriously, it's pretty awful.
It's so awful that you'll all probably throw virtual rocks at me and drive me from the Kinkyverse and I will become a sad outcast wandering the Vanilla cosmos alone...
I am not a True Submissive (tm).
I know, I know. Here I am claiming to be a submissive and writing this blog and I'm not even true. I'm some sort of counterfeit submissive who pales in comparison to the real thing. A knock-off. Faux.
I tried to deny the truth of the matter for a long time, but mounting evidence to the contrary makes the charade impossible to continue. I cannot live a lie any more, I am (apparently)... Not True.
Gasp!
I have to come clean, and in an effort to do so I will list my shameful faux submissive sins (in no particular order).
1. I am not a natural submissive.
I wasn't born knowing the 128 Slave Rules, the Positions a True sub should instinctually assume, and my first words were not "Yes, Sir." Right off the bat I failed to be true. My own mother confirms this as fact by saying that I never begged for my bottle, I demanded it in a very non-submissive sort of way. Usually with angry howls and a glare. She says I was a contrary child.
2. I don't enjoy service.
Everybody knows that True Subs love serving people. Their sole purpose in life is making others happy. I knew my best friend was a True Sub when we went out to dinner and she felt compelled to begin waiting tables in order to speed up service and make the other diners happy. It wouldn't have been that bad if she hadn't done it while kneeling.
3. There is stuff I just won't do, no matter how happy it'll make my Domly One.
A true sub doesn't have limits because they trust their Dom and their Dom's happiness is the very most important thing to them ever. Domly doesn't want to eat yet? They'll wait dinner, even if the children are starving. Domly wants butt sex? Despite that recent anal fissure and bout of Ring Of Fire Diarrhea, they'll comply. A true sub will do the shit I won't which is a blatant sign of my untrueness.
4. Altruism has never held any appeal to me.
To be a true sub you really have to enjoy being a altruistic. You have to be happy serving with no positive feedback because True Subs don't need praise or rewards for a job well done. Their Dom's happiness is reward enough and if it isn't and they're unhappy then they're not really true. I personally like being told when I do something well. I like positive reinforcement. I like getting rewards... I'm so not true.
5. My Domly isn't the only thing I think of.
A true sub thinks of their Dom at all times, "The first thing to enter a submissive's mind when they wake is "what can i do to help Him/Her today" and the last thing through their minds when they go to sleep is the joy that they have served well." Not to mention at all times in between, too. True subs never think of themselves, ever. And as part of this confession I have to admit that I spend a great deal of time thinking about things other than Cookie. Especially first thing in the morning. Then I'm usually wondering if I'm out of Diet Dew or not.
6. I don't like pain.
"True submission means going above and beyond...giving until it hurts"... Right there- Failure.
7. Endless lists of rules and regulations don't send me into a frenzy of submissive glee.
It seems that all the True Subs have insanely long lists of rules (that they undoubtedly memorized within 13 minutes of first reading it), and they all seem to post these endless lists on their blogs to show off how their trueness can be directly correlated to the length of the rule list. Meanwhile, sad faker that I am, I only have one rule: Cookie is the Boss.
8. I don't post those "Guidelines for Subs" things that are so popular with the True Subs.
Nor have I posted and raved about the Submissives Creed, the 9 Levels of Submission, or any of the other popular writings about what makes a True Submissive. That in itself is a pretty good indicator of how not true I am. In my defense I did take that BDSM quiz... But then I laughed at the result. Oops.
9. I don't have "slavish tendencies."
I don't even know what that means. What the hell are slavish tendencies? True Subs are supposed to have them and I have no idea what they are... Just more proof that I'm not true because if I was then I would know what slavish tendencies are. I'd have been born knowing, I bet.
10. I make mock of anything that dictates what a True Submissive is.
I just can't seem to help myself because it's so silly. It's about as silly as saying "This is what makes a True Human" and then giving a list of things that only some humans like to do... Me? I think a True Human is human. I think a True Submissive submits. That's it. There's not list, no guidelines, nothing that will make some people feel superior and others feel inferior.
A True Sub submits.
That's it. If you submit, you're a True Submissive- All the other shit is just stage dressing.
Seriously, it's pretty awful.
It's so awful that you'll all probably throw virtual rocks at me and drive me from the Kinkyverse and I will become a sad outcast wandering the Vanilla cosmos alone...
I am not a True Submissive (tm).
I know, I know. Here I am claiming to be a submissive and writing this blog and I'm not even true. I'm some sort of counterfeit submissive who pales in comparison to the real thing. A knock-off. Faux.
I tried to deny the truth of the matter for a long time, but mounting evidence to the contrary makes the charade impossible to continue. I cannot live a lie any more, I am (apparently)... Not True.
Gasp!
I have to come clean, and in an effort to do so I will list my shameful faux submissive sins (in no particular order).
Squeaky's Terrible-Horrible List of Faux Submissive Sins:
1. I am not a natural submissive.
I wasn't born knowing the 128 Slave Rules, the Positions a True sub should instinctually assume, and my first words were not "Yes, Sir." Right off the bat I failed to be true. My own mother confirms this as fact by saying that I never begged for my bottle, I demanded it in a very non-submissive sort of way. Usually with angry howls and a glare. She says I was a contrary child.
2. I don't enjoy service.
Everybody knows that True Subs love serving people. Their sole purpose in life is making others happy. I knew my best friend was a True Sub when we went out to dinner and she felt compelled to begin waiting tables in order to speed up service and make the other diners happy. It wouldn't have been that bad if she hadn't done it while kneeling.
3. There is stuff I just won't do, no matter how happy it'll make my Domly One.
A true sub doesn't have limits because they trust their Dom and their Dom's happiness is the very most important thing to them ever. Domly doesn't want to eat yet? They'll wait dinner, even if the children are starving. Domly wants butt sex? Despite that recent anal fissure and bout of Ring Of Fire Diarrhea, they'll comply. A true sub will do the shit I won't which is a blatant sign of my untrueness.
4. Altruism has never held any appeal to me.
To be a true sub you really have to enjoy being a altruistic. You have to be happy serving with no positive feedback because True Subs don't need praise or rewards for a job well done. Their Dom's happiness is reward enough and if it isn't and they're unhappy then they're not really true. I personally like being told when I do something well. I like positive reinforcement. I like getting rewards... I'm so not true.
5. My Domly isn't the only thing I think of.
A true sub thinks of their Dom at all times, "The first thing to enter a submissive's mind when they wake is "what can i do to help Him/Her today" and the last thing through their minds when they go to sleep is the joy that they have served well." Not to mention at all times in between, too. True subs never think of themselves, ever. And as part of this confession I have to admit that I spend a great deal of time thinking about things other than Cookie. Especially first thing in the morning. Then I'm usually wondering if I'm out of Diet Dew or not.
6. I don't like pain.
"True submission means going above and beyond...giving until it hurts"... Right there- Failure.
7. Endless lists of rules and regulations don't send me into a frenzy of submissive glee.
It seems that all the True Subs have insanely long lists of rules (that they undoubtedly memorized within 13 minutes of first reading it), and they all seem to post these endless lists on their blogs to show off how their trueness can be directly correlated to the length of the rule list. Meanwhile, sad faker that I am, I only have one rule: Cookie is the Boss.
8. I don't post those "Guidelines for Subs" things that are so popular with the True Subs.
Nor have I posted and raved about the Submissives Creed, the 9 Levels of Submission, or any of the other popular writings about what makes a True Submissive. That in itself is a pretty good indicator of how not true I am. In my defense I did take that BDSM quiz... But then I laughed at the result. Oops.
9. I don't have "slavish tendencies."
I don't even know what that means. What the hell are slavish tendencies? True Subs are supposed to have them and I have no idea what they are... Just more proof that I'm not true because if I was then I would know what slavish tendencies are. I'd have been born knowing, I bet.
10. I make mock of anything that dictates what a True Submissive is.
I just can't seem to help myself because it's so silly. It's about as silly as saying "This is what makes a True Human" and then giving a list of things that only some humans like to do... Me? I think a True Human is human. I think a True Submissive submits. That's it. There's not list, no guidelines, nothing that will make some people feel superior and others feel inferior.
A True Sub submits.
That's it. If you submit, you're a True Submissive- All the other shit is just stage dressing.
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