I identify as a submissive for ease of reference in social networks like this one. It gives folks an idea of who I am and frames a good deal of the things I write about with a clearly understandable context. It lets them know that in my dynamic that's the side of the slash I fall on.
DISCLAIMER: This is aimed at nobody in particular though it was triggered by someone's writing. I just used that as a jumping off point to express views that only apply to me and my dynamic.
Beyond that? It's meaningless. The only person I am submissive to is Cookie. He is the ONLY person I have consented to submit to and the only person who has any authority over me. I am a submissive, I am not your submissive, and I will not use any sort of title in reference to you because it implies an authority transfer dynamic I have not consented to.
And I've heard all the arguments, I've been around the block a time or two. I've heard the "respect" argument, and the "your place in the lifestyle" argument. I've heard about the proper (read: "Right") way to do things because well, you're acknowledging your place argument. I've seen the "Domlies like it" school of thought... And I call shenanigans.
The "respect" argument?
To me there is a world of difference between courtesy and respect. I do not "respect" people for the sole reason that they have given themselves a title that is as meaningless to me as mine should be to them. I will be courteous or civil but that's all anybody has the right to expect from me- A display of pretty manners that grease the wheels of pleasant society. "Sir" or "Ma'am" in a vanilla context? I will do that gladly, it's just good manners. "Sir" or "Ma'am" in a BDSM context- Implies consent to some authority exchange and I'm not cool with that.
Respect is something I reserve for people I hold in high esteem, and it's something that is granted because they've shown me that they a person who I can respect. There are a handful of people for whom I would use a title because I hold them in such high regard. They're the sort of folks for whom I think the phrase "Pillar of The Community" applies.
Odds are good that you are not them.
The "Your Place In The Lifestyle" argument?
My place is at Cookie's side and that's it. The thought that because I identify as a submissive means that I should, for some unfathomable reason, grant someone any consideration beyond that which I would give to any other stranger on the street- it boggles my mind.
Honestly, whenever I hear that argument and try to apply any logic to it- I can hear gears grinding; A paradigm shifting without a clutch.
I identify as a wife. That doesn't mean that I should give men who identify as "husband" the same consideration I afford to Cookie. He is my husband, They are not. I live a married lifestyle with him, I do not live a married lifestyle with them.
See the parallel?
The "Domlies like it" school of thought?
It's about as silly as saying all Dominants are Sadists. SOME D-types love being called by a title by anything that crosses their path. SOME D-types get a kick out of that sort of thing... SOME D-types cannot stand it.
My Dominant hates it. He says it feels as pointless as some random girl calling him her boyfriend. Without the relationship dynamic behind the word to give it meaning it's meaningless. Dominant is just a label he uses to relate to other D-types and he really prefers it if other s-types don't use it in reference to him because he has no authority over them and he feels that the word implies there is some sort of authority transfer dynamic happening. He does not like it, it makes him uncomfortable, it squicks him.
But his most compelling argument- HE DOESN'T CONSENT TO IT.
And he's not alone.
Finally, there's the "Right, Correct, Proper, True, Real, etc. Way To Do Things..."
(And this is my favorite)
No.
No, no, no, and no.
There is how you do things, there is how I do things, there is how everybody else does things. Their way is right for them. Your way is right for you. My way is right for me. None of us are any more right than the other, none of us are wrong (unless it's not BDSM but abuse of some type).
I don't give a fig about what you do in your relationship. I do not care how your dynamic works or even IF it works. That's on you. If it gives you fulfillment that's great, more power to you, blah blah blah.
But just because your dynamic works for you, that doesn't mean that it has to work for anybody else or that anybody else has to play by your rules. And even if your dynamic is the most commonly practiced form of D/s, M/s, BDSM/whatever- That still doesn't mean that you've got the monopoly on "right". It just means that your dynamic is common.
The rest of us? We might not (and probably will not) consent to being involved in your dynamic.
If your D-type thinks all D-types should be addressed by a title?
You can do that as it's part of your dynamic- But it's foolish to expect anybody else to do that as nobody else has consented to play by those rules but you. In fact, others may have a rule that they are NOT allowed to use titles on D-types that they're not in a relationship with.
And you might think that it's the right thing to do to use a title for any D-type whose path you cross-
But that doesn't mean the random D-type actually wants or consents to you using his title. It just means that the fact that consent in BDSM is a two-way street that is often over-looked.
THIS is what's right for me. It doesn't have to work for you and I'm not pretentious or foolish enough to think it should work for you. So grant me the same consideration and courtesy when the roles are reversed.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Death To The 128 Slave Rules
Seriously. Few things need to die a more painful and absolute death than The 128 (and I say absolute because I have no doubt that if not completely annihilated The 128 would resurrect themselves like a zombie or vampire and continue to pester decent folk in a most annoying fashion).
They are a scourge upon the face of the kink world. The bane of many an s-type's existence. A plague of rampant stupidity foisted off as "The Right Way To Do M/s."
If I scoffed any harder at that I think I might cause a rift in the space-time continuum and we'd all die.
Listen, The 128 was written to govern ONE SPECIFIC RELATIONSHIP.
It applies only to that relationship because that's what the people who are in that relationship find fulfilling and rewarding. Those are the rules they created and agreed upon, and to get to 128 they probably spent a great deal of time talking about them along with other important things.
I don't get it and it really kinda squicks me a lot, but in that context it makes sense and it's OK because it's not my relationship and it's not telling me how my relationship should run.
The 128 is not meant to be the end-all, be-all, One True Absolute Way To Do WIITWD and I wish folks would quit treating it like it is because everything in it? It's not going to work for every D/s or M/s dynamic out there.
Sure some folks might like some of the stuff in it, they might say, "Well, I think 1,4,36,77,84,85,90, ect would work well for us, so let's incorporate those and discard what doesn't work." That's swell, it's cool they're finding things that work for them- But saying "1 through 128 MUST work for EVERYBODY..." Come on, that's a steaming pile of tripe because it WON'T work for everybody. Most importantly, it doesn't have to work for everybody.
Thank dog.
I'd rather be vanilla than adhere to someone else's relationship rules, especially some of the rules in the 128... Ugh.
Though it might be fun to punch someone in their "cunt" if they ever referred to my mouth in that fashion.
They are a scourge upon the face of the kink world. The bane of many an s-type's existence. A plague of rampant stupidity foisted off as "The Right Way To Do M/s."
If I scoffed any harder at that I think I might cause a rift in the space-time continuum and we'd all die.
Listen, The 128 was written to govern ONE SPECIFIC RELATIONSHIP.
It applies only to that relationship because that's what the people who are in that relationship find fulfilling and rewarding. Those are the rules they created and agreed upon, and to get to 128 they probably spent a great deal of time talking about them along with other important things.
I don't get it and it really kinda squicks me a lot, but in that context it makes sense and it's OK because it's not my relationship and it's not telling me how my relationship should run.
The 128 is not meant to be the end-all, be-all, One True Absolute Way To Do WIITWD and I wish folks would quit treating it like it is because everything in it? It's not going to work for every D/s or M/s dynamic out there.
Sure some folks might like some of the stuff in it, they might say, "Well, I think 1,4,36,77,84,85,90, ect would work well for us, so let's incorporate those and discard what doesn't work." That's swell, it's cool they're finding things that work for them- But saying "1 through 128 MUST work for EVERYBODY..." Come on, that's a steaming pile of tripe because it WON'T work for everybody. Most importantly, it doesn't have to work for everybody.
Thank dog.
I'd rather be vanilla than adhere to someone else's relationship rules, especially some of the rules in the 128... Ugh.
Though it might be fun to punch someone in their "cunt" if they ever referred to my mouth in that fashion.
A "OTW" Manifesto
Seriously, few things rile me up as much as One True Wayism does...
Something that is very important to me is the relationship. I will be posting this around the site please share it!
Actually, I don't think I will...
Except here and that's just because I'm going to have fun tearing it apart because it's a steaming pile of "I'm doing it right and you're not".
Most people who worry about the Dom / Sub relationship not only do they not understand but they miss the most important part.
And I suppose that you're now going to enlighten me with what the "most important" part of MY relationship should be? Please, carry on then because although I *thought* I knew what that was I bet you're about to tell me how wrong I am.
The Dom is charged with the well being and care of the Sub.
No, that's not part of our dynamic at all. You see, the funny thing is, he expects me to take care of those things on my own- Because I'm a grown-up and I can do that.
The sub will want to serve not only out of fear of punishment but also the want and desire for the protection, love and care of the Dom.
A) We do not have a punishment dynamic.
B) I do not fear him because fear is an unhealthy emotion in a relationship as it implies a lack of trust.
C) I do not want/desire his protection. Uncle Sam gave me the tools I need to see to that on my own.
Domination is not just giving random orders.
Crap! And here Cookie gives random orders all the time! He thinks it's *fun*! Oh, the gall of that man!
A good Dom will find a way to cause the sub to desire pleasing the Dom.
The fuck...? I please my Domly One because I want to. If I didn't want to then there wouldn't be much of anything he could do to make me. But I suppose this is where threat of punishment and fear come in, right?
A Dom, or Dominant, is the protector, teacher, and lover to the sub.
Seriously guy? You really need to stop making these generalizations because they DO NOT apply to all relationships, because (GASP!) In my dynamic I'm the one who is likely to be teaching Cookie something, not the other way around. AND, (oh, the horror!) I don't need protecting. The last time we were in a rukus I wasn't cowering behind him, I was at his side ready to inflict damage.
The Dom is there to care for the subs needs as well as to set her Free.
Some folks buy into that. Some think it's romantic twaddle. I think it's romantic twaddle. I'm as free as the laws of the land allow me to be, a relationship doesn't change that.
By taking control of the Subs Decisions the Dom frees the Sub from the paralytic free will
"Paralytic free will" OMFD. I am laughing so hard at that. Like submissives are some helpless species of deer who just become so overwhelmed by the choices in life that out poor, puny little brains freeze up when we have to make a choice... FFS.
A Dom must be the protector, the Dom must be stronger than the sub, and stronger than other people in the life of the sub.
*coughcoughcough*bullshit*coughcough*
As the teacher, the Dom must be wise and, above all, right.
Oh please. A dominant is not some infallible god and anybody with half a brain can figure that out. A dom is just a guy that someone submits to- Nothing more, nothing less. Setting him up on a pedestal like that just means he has further to fall when he fails- And it'll happen, what with being human and all.
The second a Dom falls short of this he they loose everything in Dom status.
Oh Noes! They'll revoke his Official Dom Card!? Oh, The humanity!!!
The Dom should not arbitrarily punish the sub on a whim. There must be a reason.
Unless, you know, that's what works for their dynamic. Some people LIKE that sort of thing... But I guess that doesn't matter, if they like it then they're doing it wrong because you say so.
To do otherwise will break down the trust and security of the sub.
Or it'll get her hot and bothered, which is also "wrong."
The Dom has to be respected by the sub. Respect is a quality that is earned by the Dom being right, and issuing swift, correct justice and reward to the sub.
Respect is a quality that is earned by being a person someone wants to respect. Personally, I could give a fuck if Cookie's "right", I'd much rather him be kind to small animals and children, a man of his word, a hard worker, honest and loyal... You know, the normal sorts of things that I respect people for.
The Dom is not there to inflict pain and degradation on the sub, but to give the sub a goal and a direction on how to love and please.
Unless he is. Some people LIKE that sort of dynamic. It gets their pink parts moist, it makes them happy.
Besides taking care of a Sub the another big responsibility is to LOVE. As the lover, the Dom is loving and, when appropriate, stern or rough.
You do realize than plenty of happy, healthy dynamics have nothing to do with love, right?
He must recognize that he is the only source of pleasure for the sub.
Yes, because for some unfathomable reason submissives are incapable of finding joy in anything they might have liked before Uber Domly Dom came along. Shoes, food, family, job, hobbies... Those things just stop being pleasurable.
He must see to it that this area is not neglected nor sub par.
That's a tall order given that nothing in the whole world but him can give her pleasure.
The Dom should, when appropriate, be gentle, supportive, and tender to the sub. A Dom/sub relationship is not just about overpowering. It is about the Dom caring for the well-being of the sub. If punishment is required to stop a destructive action by the sub, then it comes from the Dom. On the other hand, when correct action has been noted by the Dom, love and caring should come from him to the sub.
And hey guy, if you read this and take offence because I'm not all impressed by your ONE TRUE WAY manifesto- Think about this: If you hadn't written some bit of tripe that basically said that the only "right" way to do D/s was your way, if you had just kept this writing about your relationships and what worked for you- I wouldn't have ripped it apart. I would have ignored it because your relationship is none of my business. But sadly, you made my relationship your business when it's not and I don't appreciate that.
Something that is very important to me is the relationship. I will be posting this around the site please share it!
Actually, I don't think I will...
Except here and that's just because I'm going to have fun tearing it apart because it's a steaming pile of "I'm doing it right and you're not".
Most people who worry about the Dom / Sub relationship not only do they not understand but they miss the most important part.
And I suppose that you're now going to enlighten me with what the "most important" part of MY relationship should be? Please, carry on then because although I *thought* I knew what that was I bet you're about to tell me how wrong I am.
The Dom is charged with the well being and care of the Sub.
No, that's not part of our dynamic at all. You see, the funny thing is, he expects me to take care of those things on my own- Because I'm a grown-up and I can do that.
The sub will want to serve not only out of fear of punishment but also the want and desire for the protection, love and care of the Dom.
A) We do not have a punishment dynamic.
B) I do not fear him because fear is an unhealthy emotion in a relationship as it implies a lack of trust.
C) I do not want/desire his protection. Uncle Sam gave me the tools I need to see to that on my own.
Domination is not just giving random orders.
Crap! And here Cookie gives random orders all the time! He thinks it's *fun*! Oh, the gall of that man!
A good Dom will find a way to cause the sub to desire pleasing the Dom.
The fuck...? I please my Domly One because I want to. If I didn't want to then there wouldn't be much of anything he could do to make me. But I suppose this is where threat of punishment and fear come in, right?
A Dom, or Dominant, is the protector, teacher, and lover to the sub.
Seriously guy? You really need to stop making these generalizations because they DO NOT apply to all relationships, because (GASP!) In my dynamic I'm the one who is likely to be teaching Cookie something, not the other way around. AND, (oh, the horror!) I don't need protecting. The last time we were in a rukus I wasn't cowering behind him, I was at his side ready to inflict damage.
The Dom is there to care for the subs needs as well as to set her Free.
Some folks buy into that. Some think it's romantic twaddle. I think it's romantic twaddle. I'm as free as the laws of the land allow me to be, a relationship doesn't change that.
By taking control of the Subs Decisions the Dom frees the Sub from the paralytic free will
"Paralytic free will" OMFD. I am laughing so hard at that. Like submissives are some helpless species of deer who just become so overwhelmed by the choices in life that out poor, puny little brains freeze up when we have to make a choice... FFS.
A Dom must be the protector, the Dom must be stronger than the sub, and stronger than other people in the life of the sub.
*coughcoughcough*bullshit*coughcough*
As the teacher, the Dom must be wise and, above all, right.
Oh please. A dominant is not some infallible god and anybody with half a brain can figure that out. A dom is just a guy that someone submits to- Nothing more, nothing less. Setting him up on a pedestal like that just means he has further to fall when he fails- And it'll happen, what with being human and all.
The second a Dom falls short of this he they loose everything in Dom status.
Oh Noes! They'll revoke his Official Dom Card!? Oh, The humanity!!!
The Dom should not arbitrarily punish the sub on a whim. There must be a reason.
Unless, you know, that's what works for their dynamic. Some people LIKE that sort of thing... But I guess that doesn't matter, if they like it then they're doing it wrong because you say so.
To do otherwise will break down the trust and security of the sub.
Or it'll get her hot and bothered, which is also "wrong."
The Dom has to be respected by the sub. Respect is a quality that is earned by the Dom being right, and issuing swift, correct justice and reward to the sub.
Respect is a quality that is earned by being a person someone wants to respect. Personally, I could give a fuck if Cookie's "right", I'd much rather him be kind to small animals and children, a man of his word, a hard worker, honest and loyal... You know, the normal sorts of things that I respect people for.
The Dom is not there to inflict pain and degradation on the sub, but to give the sub a goal and a direction on how to love and please.
Unless he is. Some people LIKE that sort of dynamic. It gets their pink parts moist, it makes them happy.
Besides taking care of a Sub the another big responsibility is to LOVE. As the lover, the Dom is loving and, when appropriate, stern or rough.
You do realize than plenty of happy, healthy dynamics have nothing to do with love, right?
He must recognize that he is the only source of pleasure for the sub.
Yes, because for some unfathomable reason submissives are incapable of finding joy in anything they might have liked before Uber Domly Dom came along. Shoes, food, family, job, hobbies... Those things just stop being pleasurable.
He must see to it that this area is not neglected nor sub par.
That's a tall order given that nothing in the whole world but him can give her pleasure.
The Dom should, when appropriate, be gentle, supportive, and tender to the sub. A Dom/sub relationship is not just about overpowering. It is about the Dom caring for the well-being of the sub. If punishment is required to stop a destructive action by the sub, then it comes from the Dom. On the other hand, when correct action has been noted by the Dom, love and caring should come from him to the sub.
And hey guy, if you read this and take offence because I'm not all impressed by your ONE TRUE WAY manifesto- Think about this: If you hadn't written some bit of tripe that basically said that the only "right" way to do D/s was your way, if you had just kept this writing about your relationships and what worked for you- I wouldn't have ripped it apart. I would have ignored it because your relationship is none of my business. But sadly, you made my relationship your business when it's not and I don't appreciate that.
How To Be Real.
Have you ever read the Velveteen Rabbit?
It's a story about a toy bunny who thinks he's real until some "real" bunnies come along and blow that notion out of the water. They tell him that he's not real like they are because he's different from them, and suddenly he's just not good enough any more.
The same thing happens here.
There are people who are perfectly happy in their idea of what a BDSM relationship looks like. They think they're a "real" whatever (Submissive, Domly, Master, Slave, etc) and then they get around other kinksters, and they hear those kinksters espousing the idea that in order to be "real" and "true" you have to do things this way, or you have to do things that way, and their way- Well, it's just not good enough any more.
They're not good enough any more.
Even I, badass snarktastic bitch extraordinaire, went through that. So you know, I know what it feels like to feel like you're less than because you don't measure up to someone else's idea of what a "Real" and "True" Whatever looks like. But here's the thing- I can also tell you that it doesn't matter.
Do you want to know why?
It's because there is no Real and/or True.
Honestly, there's not. There isn't one individual who is in charge of deciding what has to work for ALL BDSM relationships. There's not some hidden cabal of crusty Old School/Old Guard/ Old Whatthefuckever kinksters deciding what is wrong and what is right in BDSM relationships. There is absolutely NONDBY who gets to dictate what your relationship or my relationship or any of the other thousands of kinksters who belong to this site SHOULD look like.
And anybody who uses "Real" and "True" (or its other similarly dirty cousins "Must, should, have to, natural, genuine" or a plethora of other terms designed to make someone not doing it their way feel "Less Than")- You can feel free to ignore them. They're speaking or writing from a place of insecurity or ignorance and don't have a blessed clue about how harmful their words can be to the Velveteen Rabbits of this world.
You can ignore them because the person you are, however you chose to be, YOU ARE ALREADY REAL- And they cannot take that from you unless you let them.
So don't let them.
It's a story about a toy bunny who thinks he's real until some "real" bunnies come along and blow that notion out of the water. They tell him that he's not real like they are because he's different from them, and suddenly he's just not good enough any more.
The same thing happens here.
There are people who are perfectly happy in their idea of what a BDSM relationship looks like. They think they're a "real" whatever (Submissive, Domly, Master, Slave, etc) and then they get around other kinksters, and they hear those kinksters espousing the idea that in order to be "real" and "true" you have to do things this way, or you have to do things that way, and their way- Well, it's just not good enough any more.
They're not good enough any more.
Even I, badass snarktastic bitch extraordinaire, went through that. So you know, I know what it feels like to feel like you're less than because you don't measure up to someone else's idea of what a "Real" and "True" Whatever looks like. But here's the thing- I can also tell you that it doesn't matter.
Do you want to know why?
It's because there is no Real and/or True.
Honestly, there's not. There isn't one individual who is in charge of deciding what has to work for ALL BDSM relationships. There's not some hidden cabal of crusty Old School/Old Guard/ Old Whatthefuckever kinksters deciding what is wrong and what is right in BDSM relationships. There is absolutely NONDBY who gets to dictate what your relationship or my relationship or any of the other thousands of kinksters who belong to this site SHOULD look like.
And anybody who uses "Real" and "True" (or its other similarly dirty cousins "Must, should, have to, natural, genuine" or a plethora of other terms designed to make someone not doing it their way feel "Less Than")- You can feel free to ignore them. They're speaking or writing from a place of insecurity or ignorance and don't have a blessed clue about how harmful their words can be to the Velveteen Rabbits of this world.
You can ignore them because the person you are, however you chose to be, YOU ARE ALREADY REAL- And they cannot take that from you unless you let them.
So don't let them.
I Have the POWER!
Anyways, so my Bestie and I are sitting around last night shooting the shit (really, we were firing weapons at poo, we don't like poo at all and it deserves to be shot) after having a few tasty beverages at Kuhnhenn Brewery (which explains to poo shooting), and then having a few more tasty beverages on her couch. And we got to talking about 50 Shades of Grey (that steaming pile of tripe) and that newer Crossfire series (also tripe, but not so inane), and Bestie- Who is vanilla as far as I know goes: "Ya know, I'm curious about the whole submission thing cause submissives have all the power."
And I, all sotto vocce go "Oh great 50 SoG strikes again." Aloud, I say to my misguided Bestie, "Erm, well... If you think about it nobody has more power than anybody else. You might be able to stop play with a safe-word, but the Dom can stop at any time too." And then I guzzled some more meade because it was tasty and stuff and my vanilla Bestie just brought up kink which was a little disconcerting and required alcohol to process.
Back on track- The topic was dropped and conversation moved on and eventually I battled an epic windstorm in my itty-bitty go-kart of a car to arrive home where I promptly passed out and forgot about it until now.
The power thing? More of an in depth conversation than I wanted to get into with vanilla Bestie after copious amounts of mircobewery beer. And really, how do you explain that nobody gives up their power and nobody has more power than anybody else? A submissive always has power- She can say no, she can have limits, she can walk; but on the flip side a d-type has all of that too... It's not really power we're giving up or exchanging, but authority.
I have power, Cookie has power, but he has more authority than I do in our relationship. He calls the shots, not because I'm lacking power but because I agreed to let him have the authority to call the shots and he was willing to assume that authority. Our power is equal, our authority is not.
Meh. I'm just babbling about happenings from the Squakyverse because I don't want to do dishes.
And I, all sotto vocce go "Oh great 50 SoG strikes again." Aloud, I say to my misguided Bestie, "Erm, well... If you think about it nobody has more power than anybody else. You might be able to stop play with a safe-word, but the Dom can stop at any time too." And then I guzzled some more meade because it was tasty and stuff and my vanilla Bestie just brought up kink which was a little disconcerting and required alcohol to process.
Back on track- The topic was dropped and conversation moved on and eventually I battled an epic windstorm in my itty-bitty go-kart of a car to arrive home where I promptly passed out and forgot about it until now.
The power thing? More of an in depth conversation than I wanted to get into with vanilla Bestie after copious amounts of mircobewery beer. And really, how do you explain that nobody gives up their power and nobody has more power than anybody else? A submissive always has power- She can say no, she can have limits, she can walk; but on the flip side a d-type has all of that too... It's not really power we're giving up or exchanging, but authority.
I have power, Cookie has power, but he has more authority than I do in our relationship. He calls the shots, not because I'm lacking power but because I agreed to let him have the authority to call the shots and he was willing to assume that authority. Our power is equal, our authority is not.
Meh. I'm just babbling about happenings from the Squakyverse because I don't want to do dishes.
PSA- A Clue For The Clueless
Because there seems to be clueless individuals who need a good wallop upside the head with a clue by four I present you with
Squeaky's Handy Dandy A Number One Guide to Not Being a BDSM Internet Doucheweasel
1. Nobody likes a Doucheweasel.
If you act like an ass nobody will like you, unless you're me, but you're not so cut it out. Word gets around on sites like these, we know who is a decent person and who is a douchenozzel to avoid.
2. You're the only person who gives a damn about your self-appointed title.
So you call yourself Lord Master Domly McSadistic pants? Newsflash pal, you're not impressing anybody. Titles are a dime a dozen (or cheaper at Wal*Mart) and don't mean shit until you're in a relationship with someone who gives a crap.
3. Nobody is obligated to play with you.
You cannot saunter in, pick out a random submissive, and "own" her. You don't get to demand anything from anybody- And if you do, that just points out to all the submissives what a moron you are and we all laugh at you.
4. Profiles exist for a reason.
Try reading them, and then try to wrap your head around the idea that there will be people who have absolutely no interest in you:
Submissives do not want to be your Dom.
Folks in a Monogamous relationship do not want to play with you.
Folks in a Poly or Open relationship pick their partners, you don't get to insert yourself where you're not wanted.
People only looking for friends are not interested in you, period.
5. Sumissive is not synonymous with "easy lay" so stop acting like it is.
Most submissives are picky about who we choose to be our partner and if you act like we owe you something because you have yourself a meaningless title we won't choose you. Try acting like a decent human being who is interested in us as people and you might get somewhere, unless we're not interested (this is where profile reading comes in handy).
6. Not everybody speaks English, but for the love of dog, "NO" is a really simple concept to grasp.
So if someone says it, move on. They don't want to have anything to do with what you're suggesting.
7. Stop writing stupid messages.
Spam is a turn-off. If we get the idea that you're sending the same message to everybody on this site in a fishing expedition to hopefully hook some naive baby seal, we'll laugh at you. Take the time to write something that's not spammy and inane and you might make friends.
8. We don't care about your weenie, vag, etc.
Most of us have seen one, or have one of those. They're not special, they're not impressive, and they scream "Desperate for attention" and "This is the only interesting thing about me" and I'm not sorry to say, desperation is not attractive nor is your fixation with your own genitallia. Get over yourself and your parts.
9. I really like calling out the stupid and inept, so if you give me a reason I will post about you.
And it won't be flattering. So save yourself the potential public humiliation and get a clue already. Stop acting like a tard and start treating people like you'd treat any stranger you met out at the grocery store, or gas station, or mall. Be polite, be courteous, be kind. Be a decent human being- It's not that hard.
Squeaky's Handy Dandy A Number One Guide to Not Being a BDSM Internet Doucheweasel
1. Nobody likes a Doucheweasel.
If you act like an ass nobody will like you, unless you're me, but you're not so cut it out. Word gets around on sites like these, we know who is a decent person and who is a douchenozzel to avoid.
2. You're the only person who gives a damn about your self-appointed title.
So you call yourself Lord Master Domly McSadistic pants? Newsflash pal, you're not impressing anybody. Titles are a dime a dozen (or cheaper at Wal*Mart) and don't mean shit until you're in a relationship with someone who gives a crap.
3. Nobody is obligated to play with you.
You cannot saunter in, pick out a random submissive, and "own" her. You don't get to demand anything from anybody- And if you do, that just points out to all the submissives what a moron you are and we all laugh at you.
4. Profiles exist for a reason.
Try reading them, and then try to wrap your head around the idea that there will be people who have absolutely no interest in you:
Submissives do not want to be your Dom.
Folks in a Monogamous relationship do not want to play with you.
Folks in a Poly or Open relationship pick their partners, you don't get to insert yourself where you're not wanted.
People only looking for friends are not interested in you, period.
5. Sumissive is not synonymous with "easy lay" so stop acting like it is.
Most submissives are picky about who we choose to be our partner and if you act like we owe you something because you have yourself a meaningless title we won't choose you. Try acting like a decent human being who is interested in us as people and you might get somewhere, unless we're not interested (this is where profile reading comes in handy).
6. Not everybody speaks English, but for the love of dog, "NO" is a really simple concept to grasp.
So if someone says it, move on. They don't want to have anything to do with what you're suggesting.
7. Stop writing stupid messages.
Spam is a turn-off. If we get the idea that you're sending the same message to everybody on this site in a fishing expedition to hopefully hook some naive baby seal, we'll laugh at you. Take the time to write something that's not spammy and inane and you might make friends.
8. We don't care about your weenie, vag, etc.
Most of us have seen one, or have one of those. They're not special, they're not impressive, and they scream "Desperate for attention" and "This is the only interesting thing about me" and I'm not sorry to say, desperation is not attractive nor is your fixation with your own genitallia. Get over yourself and your parts.
9. I really like calling out the stupid and inept, so if you give me a reason I will post about you.
And it won't be flattering. So save yourself the potential public humiliation and get a clue already. Stop acting like a tard and start treating people like you'd treat any stranger you met out at the grocery store, or gas station, or mall. Be polite, be courteous, be kind. Be a decent human being- It's not that hard.
The Most Massive Missve Fail Ever.
I'm jumping up and down with snarky glee. I'm pretty sure someone CTRL+C'd this because I saw it on Fet the other day, but it landed in my inbox this evening and the potential for a verbal reaming is so high that I had to share the joy. So now, for your edification and amusement, I present you with The Most Massive Missive Fail EVAR.
Your Master loves you, and is proud to have you as a Slave.
Well, he does love me and he is proud of me but you got our titles wrong- I'm a submissive and he's my Domly One. But if you'd read my profile you'd have known that. You'd also have known that I thrive on snarking about crap like this, it just makes my day. But hey, thanks for deciding that I looked like a likely recipient for this inane twaddle, I guess it's sort-of-but-not-really-flattering.
Swearing service to your Master carries with it the following rules which MUST be adhered to. Any deviation from, or violation of, these rules will be dealt with strictly and without question or discussion.
Without question or discussion? Lemme guess, you're not a real life player, right? You like the interweb fantasy thing? Cause guess what pal? That right there is a honking huge red flag. Some douche who'd rather inflict punishment than talk and try to fix the issue isn't worth the electricity it takes to power his computer so he can pass along this drivel.
=====
Your behavior reflects on your Master's reputation, therefore you are to conduct yourself appropriately both in AND out of his presence.
Good thing my Domly thinks that my snark, cussing, and other various forms of unpleasantry are appropriate then, otherwise he'd be SOL. I am who I am and nobody gets to dictate otherwise to me.
Any bracelet or necklace you may be presented with must be worn AT ALL TIMES. If you MUST remove it in special circumstances (such as in the shower, around kids, etc) the moment you are done with that activity, you MUST return it to your wrist/neck.
Which one is it? AT ALL TIMES or not, cause you can't have it both ways, or are you purposefully being wishy-washy so you can have some trumped-up excuse to execute one of those discussion-free punishments you seem so fond of?
You are only to address your Master as “Master”. Your title has been chosen as Lovebug.
Ah-hahahahahahahahahaha *gasp* Hahahahahahahahaha.
Sorry guy, but unlike you, a person who obviously lives in his own little wank fueled fantasy land, I exist in the real world. Even if Cookie did have some desire to be called "Master" it would be a cold day in hell before I used that title in front of my kids, family, friends, or the general public. And "lovebug?" Seriously? You don't even care about the submissive you're looking for if you think that she's going to want some random, generic term of endearment with no connection to her applied to her.
Orders from your Master are to be carried out immediately. If you do not obey the order you will be punished for such neglect.
And you'd be on the receiving end of all that neat-o self defense stuff Uncle Sam taught me if you tried to pull that shit. Again, this is real life, D/s sometimes isn't the priority. Kids come before kink, work comes before kink, LOTS of things come before kink- And unless you want to pay for a nanny, pay to keep me in a lifestyle I am accustomed to, and somehow magically disappear anything that might bump you from my to do list (or any submissive's to do list) good luck with that.
At times you will be charged with a “task” which will be accompanied by terms of completion. (for example a time frame or set of terms required for completion) These are also to be carried out respectfully.
Again with the absence of reality business... Honestly, get off the internet and work on getting a clue. This isn't some online fantasy roleplaying game. We have lives and priorities that come before kink. Even those of us who are 24/7 have shit that sometimes gets in the way of kink- But you wouldn't know that, would you? Kinda hard to have a clue about real life when you spend all your time in your mom's basement tugging on yourself in front of the computer.
Orders and tasks are to be verbally responded to with “Yes Master”.
Not likely. I'm much more inclined to roll my eyes, sigh in a long-suffering manner, or laugh.
Upon waking each day, you will contact your Master by any means possible... the acceptable methods are Text, IM, or Phone Call. If you have a camera phone you are to send a picture of yourself each morning after getting dressed for the day. This is to make sure that your Master approves of what you have chosen to wear. You may only choose which method to use unless otherwise ordered the night before.
Upon waking I will pee, have a ciggy, wake up the kids and get them off to school. AFTER all of that, if I think about it, I might (and I stress might) feel like texting. If I don't, you're once again SOL. And no, I will not make sure my clothes are approved, I'm a big girl, I've been dressing myself for 30 years, I know how to put together an outfit appropriate to an occasion.
Masturbation is not a restriction. You are to inform me of it's start and climax. (text or IM me when you start, and when you cum). If you forget one of the messages, you will be discplined. Exceptions to the 2nd message are interruption, or inability to cum. In those cases you are to text and explain which one happened.
Well don't you just know how to kill a mood? Nothing's sexier than destroying the spontaneity of a good wank or the after-glow with a report about it.
Punishments are at your Master's discretion. Suggested punishments are always taken into consideration, but once the punishment has been set, there shall be no further discussion. Resisting a punishment will only be answered by more stern discipline. So... It's uncool to try and discuss the root of a problem, but cool to "suggest" punishments? Boy oh boy, you're going to make some chick on second life feel very lucky one day. *scoff*
And yeah, that's it. Some unrealistic drivel that some unrealistic prat probably thought was EPIC and AWESOME because this is what all submissives like because we're interchangeable and totally not individuals.
*SNORT*
Your Master loves you, and is proud to have you as a Slave.
Well, he does love me and he is proud of me but you got our titles wrong- I'm a submissive and he's my Domly One. But if you'd read my profile you'd have known that. You'd also have known that I thrive on snarking about crap like this, it just makes my day. But hey, thanks for deciding that I looked like a likely recipient for this inane twaddle, I guess it's sort-of-but-not-really-flattering.
Swearing service to your Master carries with it the following rules which MUST be adhered to. Any deviation from, or violation of, these rules will be dealt with strictly and without question or discussion.
Without question or discussion? Lemme guess, you're not a real life player, right? You like the interweb fantasy thing? Cause guess what pal? That right there is a honking huge red flag. Some douche who'd rather inflict punishment than talk and try to fix the issue isn't worth the electricity it takes to power his computer so he can pass along this drivel.
=====
Your behavior reflects on your Master's reputation, therefore you are to conduct yourself appropriately both in AND out of his presence.
Good thing my Domly thinks that my snark, cussing, and other various forms of unpleasantry are appropriate then, otherwise he'd be SOL. I am who I am and nobody gets to dictate otherwise to me.
Any bracelet or necklace you may be presented with must be worn AT ALL TIMES. If you MUST remove it in special circumstances (such as in the shower, around kids, etc) the moment you are done with that activity, you MUST return it to your wrist/neck.
Which one is it? AT ALL TIMES or not, cause you can't have it both ways, or are you purposefully being wishy-washy so you can have some trumped-up excuse to execute one of those discussion-free punishments you seem so fond of?
You are only to address your Master as “Master”. Your title has been chosen as Lovebug.
Ah-hahahahahahahahahaha *gasp* Hahahahahahahahaha.
Sorry guy, but unlike you, a person who obviously lives in his own little wank fueled fantasy land, I exist in the real world. Even if Cookie did have some desire to be called "Master" it would be a cold day in hell before I used that title in front of my kids, family, friends, or the general public. And "lovebug?" Seriously? You don't even care about the submissive you're looking for if you think that she's going to want some random, generic term of endearment with no connection to her applied to her.
Orders from your Master are to be carried out immediately. If you do not obey the order you will be punished for such neglect.
And you'd be on the receiving end of all that neat-o self defense stuff Uncle Sam taught me if you tried to pull that shit. Again, this is real life, D/s sometimes isn't the priority. Kids come before kink, work comes before kink, LOTS of things come before kink- And unless you want to pay for a nanny, pay to keep me in a lifestyle I am accustomed to, and somehow magically disappear anything that might bump you from my to do list (or any submissive's to do list) good luck with that.
At times you will be charged with a “task” which will be accompanied by terms of completion. (for example a time frame or set of terms required for completion) These are also to be carried out respectfully.
Again with the absence of reality business... Honestly, get off the internet and work on getting a clue. This isn't some online fantasy roleplaying game. We have lives and priorities that come before kink. Even those of us who are 24/7 have shit that sometimes gets in the way of kink- But you wouldn't know that, would you? Kinda hard to have a clue about real life when you spend all your time in your mom's basement tugging on yourself in front of the computer.
Orders and tasks are to be verbally responded to with “Yes Master”.
Not likely. I'm much more inclined to roll my eyes, sigh in a long-suffering manner, or laugh.
Upon waking each day, you will contact your Master by any means possible... the acceptable methods are Text, IM, or Phone Call. If you have a camera phone you are to send a picture of yourself each morning after getting dressed for the day. This is to make sure that your Master approves of what you have chosen to wear. You may only choose which method to use unless otherwise ordered the night before.
Upon waking I will pee, have a ciggy, wake up the kids and get them off to school. AFTER all of that, if I think about it, I might (and I stress might) feel like texting. If I don't, you're once again SOL. And no, I will not make sure my clothes are approved, I'm a big girl, I've been dressing myself for 30 years, I know how to put together an outfit appropriate to an occasion.
Masturbation is not a restriction. You are to inform me of it's start and climax. (text or IM me when you start, and when you cum). If you forget one of the messages, you will be discplined. Exceptions to the 2nd message are interruption, or inability to cum. In those cases you are to text and explain which one happened.
Well don't you just know how to kill a mood? Nothing's sexier than destroying the spontaneity of a good wank or the after-glow with a report about it.
Punishments are at your Master's discretion. Suggested punishments are always taken into consideration, but once the punishment has been set, there shall be no further discussion. Resisting a punishment will only be answered by more stern discipline. So... It's uncool to try and discuss the root of a problem, but cool to "suggest" punishments? Boy oh boy, you're going to make some chick on second life feel very lucky one day. *scoff*
And yeah, that's it. Some unrealistic drivel that some unrealistic prat probably thought was EPIC and AWESOME because this is what all submissives like because we're interchangeable and totally not individuals.
*SNORT*
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