When I was a wee young Squeaky I had this really great fantasy about what a 24/7 D/s dynamic would look like. It was epic, it was awesome, and if you applied it to my life it would look something like this:
The kinky fantasy of 24/7
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a Squeaky and her most perfectly domly Domly Cookie. Their house had a lovely dungeon filled with really bitchin' sex toys and stuff. They were independantly weathy so neither of them had to work and they could play all day long. The kids were all in boarding schools so kinky play could happen All The Time. And there was an army of kink-friendly servants who saw to all the mundane vanilla crap that needed to be done on a daily basis.
Squeaky and Cookie never got sick, they never had bad days, and Cookie's beaty arm never ever got tired. Rope never bit into the wrong spot, limbs never fell asleep, and both of our story's heroes were mind readers so accidents and bad things never happened. And when they did it was totally OK because Cookie was the Dom and that's all that mattered.
It was a really great life (for Cookie) and made for really epic wank fodder (for Squeaky).
But then this thing happened (I'll call it "life") and my wank fodder awesomeness kinda evaporated and it started to look like this:
The reality of 24/7
Poor Cookie had to go to work so sometimes he was too stressed or tired to play.
The kids had this annoying habit of being around all the time and demanding attention and shit so the kinkiness had to be turned down to this really low-key sort of Leave It To Beaver thing.
Sometimes Squeaky got sick and grovelling or non-stop BJs were really low on her list of priorities.
They were sort-of broke quite often so there wasn't a dungeon or a plethora of sex toys and quite often when there was enough money for these things a car would inconvienently break down.
Quite often grocery shopping had to be done, bills needed paying, and the dog needed her tummy rubbed.
Once in a while when Cookie and Squeaky had the energy and the kids were at Grandma's they would get to play... But mostly when that happened all they wanted to do was order pizza and watch Netlix.
Sadly Cookie couldn't be Super Uber Domly all the time and poor Squeaky didn't get to be tied up and beat on a daily basis, sometimes not even on an every-other-day basis or weekly basis.
Because this is real life and real life isn't the 24/7 super-kinky nothing else exists but play and sexings and BDSM fantasy of bad erotica and porn.
Poor Cookie and Squeaky had to fit their kinky fun in when they could and try to make a dynamic that fit around the demands of everyday life.
Poor, poor Cookie and Squeaky all stuck in a world that doesn't revolve around their every kinky whim.
Such is life.
Just something to keep in mind if you're a newbie- There's a difference between fantasy where anything is possible and reality when you have to fit kink in when you have time, money, or inclination. It's not always going to be cages and canings and all the other sweet stuff and to expect anything else means you're setting yourself up for serious disapointment when life rears its demanding head.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Squeaky's Rules For Her Domly
Because everybody's posting rules and it must be the cool thing to do and I'm all about jumping on bandwagons...
1. The Domly must bathe, shower, or somehow apply soap and water to his Man Parts at least twice a week because otherwise he gets smelling kinda funky and his hair stands up all weird and weird hair + funkiness is not at all hawt.
2. The Domly may not wear socks while otherwise naked, it's creepy and all sorts of wrong. If the Domly's Man Feets are cold, he must suck it up and suffer in True Manly Silence.
3. The Domly is not allowed to pester Squeaky while she is cooking. He must remain in the living room, far away from the kitchen and Squeaky's magical kitcheny juju. Failure to do so will result in spilled soup, scorched Mac N Cheese, and cakes that fail to rise.
4. The Domly must eat food at least once a day. If he fails to remember to eat and complains that he feels "funny" Squeaky will sigh and roll her eyes and say, "Go eat something you silly Man." There is no pity for a Domly who cannot remember to put food in his head when he works at a place that makes food to put in his head.
5. When driving music choice is up to Squeaky because the Domly listens to really weird stuff that Squeaky doesn't like. This applies in both cars, rentals, and anything else Pandora can be played on. Listening to techno is grounds for a great deal of heavy sighing and eye rolling.
6. The Domly must take off his pants and do his Husband Duty at least twice a week, preferably three times. Maybe six. Failure to comply will make Squeaky bitchy and whiney and that's just no fun for anybody.
7. The Domly may not use Squeaky as a heater after he's spent time outside in the winter and his appendages are icy cold. Cold makes Squeaky flail like an epileptic ninja which is bad for the Domly's health.
8. The Domly can do whatever he wants with the toilet seat in Man Cave potty, but if he uses Squeaky's potty the seat has to be returned to the "down" position after use. Squeaky does not like falling into the toilet in the middle of the night when she's expecting the seat to be down and it's not. Failure to comply will result in grade-school pranks like saran wrap over the toilet bowl in retaliation.
9. Last time Squeaky checked the Domly's arms were not broken. If he makes a big old "I'm making something brilliant" mess, he can damn well pick up after himself and not wait 3 weeks until Squeaky gets tired of the mess and picks it up herself.
10. The Domly is in charge except when he's not. When he's not is determined by the relative humidity, the position of the moon in relation to Mars, the day of the week, ambient air temperature, how many times the dog has yurped that day, number of freckles on Squeaky's left shoulder, and the winning lottery numbers. If the sum of these things is less than 42 the Domly is boss, if the number is more than 42 Squeaky gets to run amuk. If the number is 42 then it's a sign of the zombie apocalypse and Emergency Zombie Apocalypse Rules apply.
11. All rules are subject to change at almost any time (except on Febuary 29th when leap Year Rules go into effect) and for a multitude of obscure reasons that may or may not be invented by Squeaky as an excuse to be bad. Failure to comply with and adhere to the rules will result in dire threats of heinous consequences that probably won't be carried out because Squeaky is really lazy. All rules have been read and aproved by some panel of people who are in charge of reading lists of rules and aproving them. Disagreements with the rules may be sent to: The Dead Letter Office, Post Office, Your Town and State.
12. Reading the rules implies agreement to abide by the rules.
1. The Domly must bathe, shower, or somehow apply soap and water to his Man Parts at least twice a week because otherwise he gets smelling kinda funky and his hair stands up all weird and weird hair + funkiness is not at all hawt.
2. The Domly may not wear socks while otherwise naked, it's creepy and all sorts of wrong. If the Domly's Man Feets are cold, he must suck it up and suffer in True Manly Silence.
3. The Domly is not allowed to pester Squeaky while she is cooking. He must remain in the living room, far away from the kitchen and Squeaky's magical kitcheny juju. Failure to do so will result in spilled soup, scorched Mac N Cheese, and cakes that fail to rise.
4. The Domly must eat food at least once a day. If he fails to remember to eat and complains that he feels "funny" Squeaky will sigh and roll her eyes and say, "Go eat something you silly Man." There is no pity for a Domly who cannot remember to put food in his head when he works at a place that makes food to put in his head.
5. When driving music choice is up to Squeaky because the Domly listens to really weird stuff that Squeaky doesn't like. This applies in both cars, rentals, and anything else Pandora can be played on. Listening to techno is grounds for a great deal of heavy sighing and eye rolling.
6. The Domly must take off his pants and do his Husband Duty at least twice a week, preferably three times. Maybe six. Failure to comply will make Squeaky bitchy and whiney and that's just no fun for anybody.
7. The Domly may not use Squeaky as a heater after he's spent time outside in the winter and his appendages are icy cold. Cold makes Squeaky flail like an epileptic ninja which is bad for the Domly's health.
8. The Domly can do whatever he wants with the toilet seat in Man Cave potty, but if he uses Squeaky's potty the seat has to be returned to the "down" position after use. Squeaky does not like falling into the toilet in the middle of the night when she's expecting the seat to be down and it's not. Failure to comply will result in grade-school pranks like saran wrap over the toilet bowl in retaliation.
9. Last time Squeaky checked the Domly's arms were not broken. If he makes a big old "I'm making something brilliant" mess, he can damn well pick up after himself and not wait 3 weeks until Squeaky gets tired of the mess and picks it up herself.
10. The Domly is in charge except when he's not. When he's not is determined by the relative humidity, the position of the moon in relation to Mars, the day of the week, ambient air temperature, how many times the dog has yurped that day, number of freckles on Squeaky's left shoulder, and the winning lottery numbers. If the sum of these things is less than 42 the Domly is boss, if the number is more than 42 Squeaky gets to run amuk. If the number is 42 then it's a sign of the zombie apocalypse and Emergency Zombie Apocalypse Rules apply.
11. All rules are subject to change at almost any time (except on Febuary 29th when leap Year Rules go into effect) and for a multitude of obscure reasons that may or may not be invented by Squeaky as an excuse to be bad. Failure to comply with and adhere to the rules will result in dire threats of heinous consequences that probably won't be carried out because Squeaky is really lazy. All rules have been read and aproved by some panel of people who are in charge of reading lists of rules and aproving them. Disagreements with the rules may be sent to: The Dead Letter Office, Post Office, Your Town and State.
12. Reading the rules implies agreement to abide by the rules.
My Submission Isn't a Gift
I've seen a weird increase in the whole "Your submission is a gift!" crowd and to be honest, it bugs the shit out of me. Not that they view their submission as a gift, that's their call to make, but the fact that they seem to think that other folks should view it the way they do and they get all whiney if you don't see things their way.
**DISCLAIMER: If you've never said that you think the whole submission as a gift idea is something EVERYBODY should buy into, this isn't about you.**
The thing is: It's a really lame analogy.
Think about it-
What do you do with a gift? You give it away, you don't have it any more, so if you give your submission to someone else, you don't have it any more and where does that leave you? Submissionless. Not a very good state to be in if you want to make your D-type happy by submitting.
Gifts are supposed to not have strings attached to them- Most folks give gifts without expecting something in return. I wouldn't say, "Here's your gift, now do something for me!" But most folks kinda expect there to be something in the whole D/s thing for them, unless maybe they really are that altruistic, but if they are then why do they need a D-type? They could just go submit to their cat (and everybody knows cats are far more demanding and cruel than any D-type could ever dream of being).
Once a gift has been given you can't take it back. There's no "Oops, this isn't working out, I'd like my submission back please" just like there's no taking back other things you've given as gifts (unless you're really, really tacky). "Hey Cookie, that Nerf gun I gave you 2 Xmases ago? I'm going to need that back now." See what I mean? Tacky.
Gifts don't have limits. You don't hand someone a Cuisinart Mixer and tell them they can only use it to make cake and cupcakes but absolutely no bread and they can't use it on Tuesdays. My submission comes with limits, they might be few and far between but they still exist.
Generally people don't have to earn a gift. You don't say to your kid, "I'll give you this birthday present if you do the dishes." You don't make your spouse prove that he's worthy of the gift you're about to give him... But I don't know anybody (with any sense in their heads) just *give* someone their submission without having learned if that person is capable of managing it well first.
So the gift analogy fails in my book and it's not how I choose to see my submission to Cookie.
But, if it's not a gift then what is it?
For me, it's just the way I orient in a relationship. It's that simple. I prefer being the partner who isn't calling all the shots and to be frank- It gives me a tickle in my potty when Cookie is bossy. There's nothing flowery or romantic about submission to me, it's just part of who I am.
The only thing I've really given Cookie is the authority to call the shots (excepting shots that concern my kids), but even that's not a gift because I can take it back at any time if I need to.
There is no gift in my D/s. If you want your D/s to involve gift giving and romantic notions, that's your call to make, but please quit telling me that I have to subscribe to that notion too because I won't.
**DISCLAIMER: If you've never said that you think the whole submission as a gift idea is something EVERYBODY should buy into, this isn't about you.**
The thing is: It's a really lame analogy.
Think about it-
What do you do with a gift? You give it away, you don't have it any more, so if you give your submission to someone else, you don't have it any more and where does that leave you? Submissionless. Not a very good state to be in if you want to make your D-type happy by submitting.
Gifts are supposed to not have strings attached to them- Most folks give gifts without expecting something in return. I wouldn't say, "Here's your gift, now do something for me!" But most folks kinda expect there to be something in the whole D/s thing for them, unless maybe they really are that altruistic, but if they are then why do they need a D-type? They could just go submit to their cat (and everybody knows cats are far more demanding and cruel than any D-type could ever dream of being).
Once a gift has been given you can't take it back. There's no "Oops, this isn't working out, I'd like my submission back please" just like there's no taking back other things you've given as gifts (unless you're really, really tacky). "Hey Cookie, that Nerf gun I gave you 2 Xmases ago? I'm going to need that back now." See what I mean? Tacky.
Gifts don't have limits. You don't hand someone a Cuisinart Mixer and tell them they can only use it to make cake and cupcakes but absolutely no bread and they can't use it on Tuesdays. My submission comes with limits, they might be few and far between but they still exist.
Generally people don't have to earn a gift. You don't say to your kid, "I'll give you this birthday present if you do the dishes." You don't make your spouse prove that he's worthy of the gift you're about to give him... But I don't know anybody (with any sense in their heads) just *give* someone their submission without having learned if that person is capable of managing it well first.
So the gift analogy fails in my book and it's not how I choose to see my submission to Cookie.
But, if it's not a gift then what is it?
For me, it's just the way I orient in a relationship. It's that simple. I prefer being the partner who isn't calling all the shots and to be frank- It gives me a tickle in my potty when Cookie is bossy. There's nothing flowery or romantic about submission to me, it's just part of who I am.
The only thing I've really given Cookie is the authority to call the shots (excepting shots that concern my kids), but even that's not a gift because I can take it back at any time if I need to.
There is no gift in my D/s. If you want your D/s to involve gift giving and romantic notions, that's your call to make, but please quit telling me that I have to subscribe to that notion too because I won't.
Analogy Fail
So earlier today I was chatting with a baby seal..
In case you don't know, a baby seal is my analogy for the sort of new submissive who flops around all helpless-like, much in the way a baby seal does, just waiting to get hit over the head by a DomlyDom (except for real seals it's a club) and turned into the perfect subby (or if you're a seal, a seal coat or something).
Anyways, I was chatting with this baby seal and she was all, "I don't understand! How can I be a submissive AND be a mom! I am confused and stuff!" And because I have an affinity for analogies I tried to think of something simple that she could wrap her baby seal head around.
So I asked her to go get a hard cover book and I made the hardcover book analogy.
I said that the dust jacket (the paper that protects the actual book from damage) was like the part of a person that everybody can see or touch. Skin, hair, freckles, that's our dust jacket.
Then I moved on to strengths and weaknesses, because for some reason folks tend to think that for some reason a strong, competent, short-tempered person cannot be a strong, competent, short-tempered submissive.
I imagined the cover of the book to be made up of our strengths and weaknesses- I like to think that I'm fairly strong, mostly capable, intelligent, slightly amusing, a little too short-tempered, and maybe on occasion impatient, so those were the things that were part of my cover.
Inside the dust jacket and cover are the pages of the book.
On each page there's a word I use to describe who I am:
Mom
Best Friend
Sibling
Submissive
Daughter
Cousin
Wife
So on and so forth.
All those pages make up the book. They're all there inside the Squeaky dust jacket and the cover. I am all of these things at the same time.
And because those pages are all there inside the cover they're all equally affected by the strengths and weaknesses of that cover.
An intelligent mom is an intelligent submissive is an intelligent friend.
A snarky sibling is a snarky submissive is a snarky daughter.
And even when I might be paying more attention to one page at a given time (say the submissive page) because that page is just part of the entire book, I am still all of the things on the other pages as well. I'm still a mom, daughter, friend, sibling, etc.
So I was pretty pleased with myself. I thought I'd made a pretty good, understandable analogy. A fairly simple way to point out that a person can be more than one thing at once.
Until the baby seal said, "Does it matter if my book only has 50 pages? I couldn't find a bigger book."
*HeadDesk*
In case you don't know, a baby seal is my analogy for the sort of new submissive who flops around all helpless-like, much in the way a baby seal does, just waiting to get hit over the head by a DomlyDom (except for real seals it's a club) and turned into the perfect subby (or if you're a seal, a seal coat or something).
Anyways, I was chatting with this baby seal and she was all, "I don't understand! How can I be a submissive AND be a mom! I am confused and stuff!" And because I have an affinity for analogies I tried to think of something simple that she could wrap her baby seal head around.
So I asked her to go get a hard cover book and I made the hardcover book analogy.
I said that the dust jacket (the paper that protects the actual book from damage) was like the part of a person that everybody can see or touch. Skin, hair, freckles, that's our dust jacket.
Then I moved on to strengths and weaknesses, because for some reason folks tend to think that for some reason a strong, competent, short-tempered person cannot be a strong, competent, short-tempered submissive.
I imagined the cover of the book to be made up of our strengths and weaknesses- I like to think that I'm fairly strong, mostly capable, intelligent, slightly amusing, a little too short-tempered, and maybe on occasion impatient, so those were the things that were part of my cover.
Inside the dust jacket and cover are the pages of the book.
On each page there's a word I use to describe who I am:
Mom
Best Friend
Sibling
Submissive
Daughter
Cousin
Wife
So on and so forth.
All those pages make up the book. They're all there inside the Squeaky dust jacket and the cover. I am all of these things at the same time.
And because those pages are all there inside the cover they're all equally affected by the strengths and weaknesses of that cover.
An intelligent mom is an intelligent submissive is an intelligent friend.
A snarky sibling is a snarky submissive is a snarky daughter.
And even when I might be paying more attention to one page at a given time (say the submissive page) because that page is just part of the entire book, I am still all of the things on the other pages as well. I'm still a mom, daughter, friend, sibling, etc.
So I was pretty pleased with myself. I thought I'd made a pretty good, understandable analogy. A fairly simple way to point out that a person can be more than one thing at once.
Until the baby seal said, "Does it matter if my book only has 50 pages? I couldn't find a bigger book."
*HeadDesk*
A Note From A Predator
Dear s-type person:
I'm a complete stranger to you. I don't know you and I don't care about you. In fact, I care so little that if your teeth were on fire I wouldn't piss on your gums to put them out.
I don't know your name. I don't know what your life is like. I don't know what responsibilities you have, what your hopes and dreams are, or what value system you use to define the parameters of your actions. I don't know any of that, and again, I don't care.
Because here's the thing- I see that you have applied an s-type label to yourself and to me that makes you fair game (and easy prey). And I'm really hoping that you don't know fuck-all about this BDSM thing because the more you know the less likely it'll be that I can take advantage of you.
I'm really hoping your a straight-off-the-boat newb because when I tell you that I'm your D-type you'll be too ignorant and confused to tell me to get lost, and instead you'll just do whatever I say because I am, after-all the D-type and you're just the s-type, and I can prey on that confusion and insecurity by dangling the words real and true before you:
"A REAL submissive never says no"
"A TRUE submissive does whatever her dominant says"
And you'll fall for it. Hey, odds are good that even if you're not a newb you'll still fall for it. Nobody likes feeling insecure and I can and will use that.
So, now that we've got that covered I'll tell you how this is going to go:
I'm now your D-type (because I say so) and you're my s-type.
I'm not going to bother to talk to you about limits, negotiations, compatibility, or communication because those things really put a damper on my game.
And if you bring them up? I'll shoot you down or give you the silent treatment and you'll learn your lesson.
I'm going to tell you to do stupid, dangerous things, and you're going to do them.
I'm going to tell you that I want to be put on your bank accounts, I want your PIN numbers, I want you to send me risqué (or down-right filthy) pictures and videos... I may or may not share these with friends (for free or for profit). I may or may not use them to blackmail you.
I'll probably share you with my friends (for free or for profit).
I'll definitely have you do shit that would probably get you fired from your job/ get your kids taken away/ cause your entire community to ridicule or abhor you if they ever found out about it.
I might even want them to find out about it.
I have a lot of fun things planed for us.
(and yes, I know your little s-type heart just went pitter-pat because I used the word "us"... Too bad it means squat).
So I don't know you, I don't care about you, but you'll submit because if you don't you're not a real & true submissive, and if you question you're not a real & true submissive, and if you listen to the advice of other more experienced submissives or try to learn things on your own it means you doubt me and that's not real & true submissive behavior.
And if I ever actually said any of this you might get a clue... But you might not. But just in case I'll tone it down a bit when I actually do message you- You'll never see me coming.
Sincerely,
Lord High Dommypants.
Master of 23 slaves
Dom of 4 submissives
Owner of 15 pets
daddy to 3 babygirls
Graduate of UberSupreme Dom Skool
Trainer, mentor, and super-accredited guy.
(You can trust me)
*I only wish they were this obvious, but they're not so for Dog's sake GO LEARN A CLUE*
I'm a complete stranger to you. I don't know you and I don't care about you. In fact, I care so little that if your teeth were on fire I wouldn't piss on your gums to put them out.
I don't know your name. I don't know what your life is like. I don't know what responsibilities you have, what your hopes and dreams are, or what value system you use to define the parameters of your actions. I don't know any of that, and again, I don't care.
Because here's the thing- I see that you have applied an s-type label to yourself and to me that makes you fair game (and easy prey). And I'm really hoping that you don't know fuck-all about this BDSM thing because the more you know the less likely it'll be that I can take advantage of you.
I'm really hoping your a straight-off-the-boat newb because when I tell you that I'm your D-type you'll be too ignorant and confused to tell me to get lost, and instead you'll just do whatever I say because I am, after-all the D-type and you're just the s-type, and I can prey on that confusion and insecurity by dangling the words real and true before you:
"A REAL submissive never says no"
"A TRUE submissive does whatever her dominant says"
And you'll fall for it. Hey, odds are good that even if you're not a newb you'll still fall for it. Nobody likes feeling insecure and I can and will use that.
So, now that we've got that covered I'll tell you how this is going to go:
I'm now your D-type (because I say so) and you're my s-type.
I'm not going to bother to talk to you about limits, negotiations, compatibility, or communication because those things really put a damper on my game.
And if you bring them up? I'll shoot you down or give you the silent treatment and you'll learn your lesson.
I'm going to tell you to do stupid, dangerous things, and you're going to do them.
I'm going to tell you that I want to be put on your bank accounts, I want your PIN numbers, I want you to send me risqué (or down-right filthy) pictures and videos... I may or may not share these with friends (for free or for profit). I may or may not use them to blackmail you.
I'll probably share you with my friends (for free or for profit).
I'll definitely have you do shit that would probably get you fired from your job/ get your kids taken away/ cause your entire community to ridicule or abhor you if they ever found out about it.
I might even want them to find out about it.
I have a lot of fun things planed for us.
(and yes, I know your little s-type heart just went pitter-pat because I used the word "us"... Too bad it means squat).
So I don't know you, I don't care about you, but you'll submit because if you don't you're not a real & true submissive, and if you question you're not a real & true submissive, and if you listen to the advice of other more experienced submissives or try to learn things on your own it means you doubt me and that's not real & true submissive behavior.
And if I ever actually said any of this you might get a clue... But you might not. But just in case I'll tone it down a bit when I actually do message you- You'll never see me coming.
Sincerely,
Lord High Dommypants.
Master of 23 slaves
Dom of 4 submissives
Owner of 15 pets
daddy to 3 babygirls
Graduate of UberSupreme Dom Skool
Trainer, mentor, and super-accredited guy.
(You can trust me)
*I only wish they were this obvious, but they're not so for Dog's sake GO LEARN A CLUE*
Real Doms Don't Appologize.
A few days ago, as I was coming down from my splendid cupcake induced sugar high, I mentioned the Dom Who Didn't Apologize.
To paraphrase (which is my new favorite word):
Super Subly posts something about how her Domly Dom cancelled plans and how even though she was disappointed and sad and stuff he didn't apologize and that made her feel super-duper submissive and she really respected his uber Domly not apologizing self and the Domly way he ignored her feelings.
I could feel her swooning through the computer screen. I think it even got a bit moist which was totally disgusting.
Anyways, she was so proud of her Domly's bucking of societal norms that she asked how many of the other submissives' Doms apologized- And I think she was a wee bit upset when nearly all of Doms in question recognized that courtesy and acknowledging another's feelings are an important part of a healthy relationship.
And then there was a bit of flouncing and the dictate that "Real Doms Don't Apologize!"
Eh. My Domly One apologizes. If he fucks up he says he's sorry. It smooths things over, settles ruffled feathers, and keeps his boxers from being heavily starched. It also stems the impending tide of seething resentment that would be the result of a non-apology.
So once again, poor Cookie isn't a Real & True Domly Dom.
But I'm ok with that. I'd much rather have an unreal & untrue Domly with nice manners than one who was apparently raised in a barn.
And there could be a lot more to this, because it seems a lot of DimDoms forget that they were raised to have (at least) some manners and revert to a near feral state of being once they give themselves a title... But I thought I'd stick to just one gripe for now.
To paraphrase (which is my new favorite word):
Super Subly posts something about how her Domly Dom cancelled plans and how even though she was disappointed and sad and stuff he didn't apologize and that made her feel super-duper submissive and she really respected his uber Domly not apologizing self and the Domly way he ignored her feelings.
I could feel her swooning through the computer screen. I think it even got a bit moist which was totally disgusting.
Anyways, she was so proud of her Domly's bucking of societal norms that she asked how many of the other submissives' Doms apologized- And I think she was a wee bit upset when nearly all of Doms in question recognized that courtesy and acknowledging another's feelings are an important part of a healthy relationship.
And then there was a bit of flouncing and the dictate that "Real Doms Don't Apologize!"
Eh. My Domly One apologizes. If he fucks up he says he's sorry. It smooths things over, settles ruffled feathers, and keeps his boxers from being heavily starched. It also stems the impending tide of seething resentment that would be the result of a non-apology.
So once again, poor Cookie isn't a Real & True Domly Dom.
But I'm ok with that. I'd much rather have an unreal & untrue Domly with nice manners than one who was apparently raised in a barn.
And there could be a lot more to this, because it seems a lot of DimDoms forget that they were raised to have (at least) some manners and revert to a near feral state of being once they give themselves a title... But I thought I'd stick to just one gripe for now.
Petrsonal responsibility and wrecking up your new hooptie.
I'd like to play pretend for a minute, and no you lovely pervs, not THAT kind of pretend.
So lets pretend that you've got yourself a spiffy new car and you invite a friend to go on a road trip with you because road trips are awesome, yo. So you all load up the hooptie, you discuss places you want to visit, places you want to stay away from, and places that might be fun to hit up if you have the time. It's all systems go and as you go to back down the driveway you put the car in the wrong gear and plow through the garage door.
Now your friend is all, "Wow man, that blows."
And you're all pissed because your friend, who is a really good driver, didn't stop you from plowing into the garage door.
Your friend gets a little riled because you're supposed to know what you're doing right? You are, after all, behind the wheel of a rather dangerous machine.
Wrong. Turns out you've never taken driver's ed, you've never started up a car before this moment, and you've never even looked at your car's manual.
You, in your infinite wisdom decided that because your friend knew how to drive they had some responsibility to keep your ass out of trouble.
That's just F'ed up, isn't it? Most of us can figure out that if we're going to do something we should at least do a bit of learning about it, right? And the more danger the new thing possesses the more learning we should accomplish before trying it. Makes sense, correct?
So why is it that when some new little subbie gets it into her head that she wants a domly dom (and she wants one NOW! damnit), she suddenly abdicates all responsibility for her own safety and puts it on the shoulders of whatever dom crosses her path? And then when she gets hurt because of something she didn't know, but could have easily learned because there's no dearth of information on safe BDSM practices, all of a sudden the poor domly is an evil, heinous bad guy.
That's just F'ed up, isn't it?
And before you all start yowling at me, I'd like to take a moment to point out that this isn't directed towards anybody who is doing their damndest to learn about BDSM and who is trying to ensure their own safety. I have nothing but respect for you guys, kudos for being rational thinkers, you rawk.
So I'm sitting here wondering, why these new subs, people who wouldn't usually do something that could cause them a great deal of harm without learning about it first, suddenly seem to go batshit crazy and throw caution (and personal responsibility) to the wind? I have to ponder the thought process behind what makes this abdication of responsibility Ok when it's not OK in any other scenario?
Is it the weak, helpless submissive stereotype rearing its ugly head (yet again)? Someone who is helpless shouldn't be capable of seeing to their own safety, so they extrapolate that to mean that the all-powerful Lord Domly should be responsible for educating their fragile, little submissive brains while they sit back in wide-eyed wonder at the domly excess of knowledge and shit?
Do they think that there's some domdar that starts pinging like mad when it picks up on unlearned fresh meat, and if they remain inept and ignorant it will be some sort of draw for the D-types?
Are they afraid to appear too knowledgeable in front of a dominant? Like the D-types will be turned off if a submissive actually has their shit together and knows what's what?
Or is it, as I suspect, just sheer laziness and an unwillingness to take care of their responsibility to themselves?
Because yeah, it is really lazy to fail to look out for your own interests and expect someone else to do that for you. It's immature, selfish, and dangerous. And saying, "Well I didn't know that I was supposed to go read things and learn stuff on my own..." No. Not cutting it. That shit wouldn't work in school, it wouldn't work at your job, it doesn't work in real life, so why on earth would it work here in BDSM land when it doesn't work anywhere else.
And it's not as if there's a dearth of information out there. There are books on BDSM, there are countless blogs, websites, and forums devoted to discussing any question a newbie might have, and it's all available with a simple Google search. How lazy does a person have to be to avoid typing a few words ("BDSM safety") in the Google search bar?
And yep, once again I've been riled by that other site. Some newbie decided to start playing without bothering to learn *anything* first. She depended on her dom to teach her the ways, and when she had a bad drop (because the dom didn't know she would need after care), HE was the bad guy. She got behind the wheel of a car without bothering to read the manual and her passenger was at fault for her irresponsible actions.
And then to add insult to injury, when 30 different people said, "Hey, I'm sorry that you had a bad experience, but you really need to take some responsibility for your part in this" she threw an epic shit fit and flounced. Why? Because we were all big, poopy-headed meanies for not giving her fluffy bunny huggles and joining in on the dom bashing.
But anyways, a lesson to the newbies who pull this shit who probably won't read this because they're not in the habit of reading anything...
It is your responsibility to ensure that you are safe. It's not my problem, it's not the D-type's problem, it is not the internet's problem. It's yours. You need to educate yourself so you don't get hurt. You need to read, read some more, ask some questions, keep reading, and actually learn about BDSM/kink/whatever before you decide to get behind the wheel of that car. You have got to stop laying all this responsibility on the shoulders of the first dom you play with, because he should have the ability to play with a safe partner who has their shit together, not some dangerous newb who's going to scream to the community about what a wanker he was because the newb didn't know that she'd drop like a hot potato.
Just read the damn manual before you get your car on the road. The rest of us will thank you for it.
So lets pretend that you've got yourself a spiffy new car and you invite a friend to go on a road trip with you because road trips are awesome, yo. So you all load up the hooptie, you discuss places you want to visit, places you want to stay away from, and places that might be fun to hit up if you have the time. It's all systems go and as you go to back down the driveway you put the car in the wrong gear and plow through the garage door.
Now your friend is all, "Wow man, that blows."
And you're all pissed because your friend, who is a really good driver, didn't stop you from plowing into the garage door.
Your friend gets a little riled because you're supposed to know what you're doing right? You are, after all, behind the wheel of a rather dangerous machine.
Wrong. Turns out you've never taken driver's ed, you've never started up a car before this moment, and you've never even looked at your car's manual.
You, in your infinite wisdom decided that because your friend knew how to drive they had some responsibility to keep your ass out of trouble.
That's just F'ed up, isn't it? Most of us can figure out that if we're going to do something we should at least do a bit of learning about it, right? And the more danger the new thing possesses the more learning we should accomplish before trying it. Makes sense, correct?
So why is it that when some new little subbie gets it into her head that she wants a domly dom (and she wants one NOW! damnit), she suddenly abdicates all responsibility for her own safety and puts it on the shoulders of whatever dom crosses her path? And then when she gets hurt because of something she didn't know, but could have easily learned because there's no dearth of information on safe BDSM practices, all of a sudden the poor domly is an evil, heinous bad guy.
That's just F'ed up, isn't it?
And before you all start yowling at me, I'd like to take a moment to point out that this isn't directed towards anybody who is doing their damndest to learn about BDSM and who is trying to ensure their own safety. I have nothing but respect for you guys, kudos for being rational thinkers, you rawk.
So I'm sitting here wondering, why these new subs, people who wouldn't usually do something that could cause them a great deal of harm without learning about it first, suddenly seem to go batshit crazy and throw caution (and personal responsibility) to the wind? I have to ponder the thought process behind what makes this abdication of responsibility Ok when it's not OK in any other scenario?
Is it the weak, helpless submissive stereotype rearing its ugly head (yet again)? Someone who is helpless shouldn't be capable of seeing to their own safety, so they extrapolate that to mean that the all-powerful Lord Domly should be responsible for educating their fragile, little submissive brains while they sit back in wide-eyed wonder at the domly excess of knowledge and shit?
Do they think that there's some domdar that starts pinging like mad when it picks up on unlearned fresh meat, and if they remain inept and ignorant it will be some sort of draw for the D-types?
Are they afraid to appear too knowledgeable in front of a dominant? Like the D-types will be turned off if a submissive actually has their shit together and knows what's what?
Or is it, as I suspect, just sheer laziness and an unwillingness to take care of their responsibility to themselves?
Because yeah, it is really lazy to fail to look out for your own interests and expect someone else to do that for you. It's immature, selfish, and dangerous. And saying, "Well I didn't know that I was supposed to go read things and learn stuff on my own..." No. Not cutting it. That shit wouldn't work in school, it wouldn't work at your job, it doesn't work in real life, so why on earth would it work here in BDSM land when it doesn't work anywhere else.
And it's not as if there's a dearth of information out there. There are books on BDSM, there are countless blogs, websites, and forums devoted to discussing any question a newbie might have, and it's all available with a simple Google search. How lazy does a person have to be to avoid typing a few words ("BDSM safety") in the Google search bar?
And yep, once again I've been riled by that other site. Some newbie decided to start playing without bothering to learn *anything* first. She depended on her dom to teach her the ways, and when she had a bad drop (because the dom didn't know she would need after care), HE was the bad guy. She got behind the wheel of a car without bothering to read the manual and her passenger was at fault for her irresponsible actions.
And then to add insult to injury, when 30 different people said, "Hey, I'm sorry that you had a bad experience, but you really need to take some responsibility for your part in this" she threw an epic shit fit and flounced. Why? Because we were all big, poopy-headed meanies for not giving her fluffy bunny huggles and joining in on the dom bashing.
But anyways, a lesson to the newbies who pull this shit who probably won't read this because they're not in the habit of reading anything...
It is your responsibility to ensure that you are safe. It's not my problem, it's not the D-type's problem, it is not the internet's problem. It's yours. You need to educate yourself so you don't get hurt. You need to read, read some more, ask some questions, keep reading, and actually learn about BDSM/kink/whatever before you decide to get behind the wheel of that car. You have got to stop laying all this responsibility on the shoulders of the first dom you play with, because he should have the ability to play with a safe partner who has their shit together, not some dangerous newb who's going to scream to the community about what a wanker he was because the newb didn't know that she'd drop like a hot potato.
Just read the damn manual before you get your car on the road. The rest of us will thank you for it.
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