Even a submissive could...

In a recent thread on Fet about the best way for a D-type to approach a prospective partner (which was actually a pretty good thread and I'll include a link at the bottom) this little gem popped up:

"They just assumed that I must be a sub, most likely because I'm female, and started giving me orders. Even a submissive would see that behavior as rude."

And the Submissive Stereotype strikes again.

Thankfully, another member of that particular group took exception to that last sentence and responded to point out how insulting and condescending it was, which saved me from a potential ban hammering- But I've been thinking about it for a few days and wondering why it is that some folks seem to think we're incapable of recognizing what is and is not acceptable social behavior from our peers.

I mean most of us operate in the real world (AKA Meat Space). We walk on its streets, go to work there, visit friends and family, attend social gatherings... We know how to behave and what behavior is Ok from other people. A great many of us learn about that stuff from the time we're little and our folks start saying things like "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." We all know how to treat other people and how other people should treat us.

So why does this belief exist that submissives are so clueless that it would take a rather stunning display of ill manners to "get it"?

And I thought and I thought and then I felt like an idiot because the answer was so blatantly obvious and staring me in the face all along...

You just have to look at K&P on Fet to see where this belief comes from.

Or you just have to click on any picture of a pretty submissive female with a body that masses generally find attractive to see it- The rudeness, the lack of manners, the failure to abide by even the laxest social mores... And the positive responses from the pictured submissive that these ill words garner, or the lack of response to the ill words. And the lack of D-types standing up to inform the inept ones that, no, this isn't the way to treat someone who hasn't consented to that behavior.

The actions, or lack of action, of some submissives and dominants (not all, a good many of us don't have any problem pointing out when a D-type is using his title for an excuse to be a jackass) contribute to the stereotype. We as a group have created this paradigm, by not saying to the jackasses, "If you wouldn't say that to your best friend's sister, you shouldn't be saying it to me." (or something along those lines)

Too many of us don't stand up for ourselves or each other, and when we do we get an earful (or screen full as the case may be) of how "untrue" we are, because (obviously) submissives are supposed to put up with any filth that some random stranger decides to spew in their general direction. Submissives like that shit. And dominants can say whatever the hell they want to any random person because DOMINANT.

Sigh.

It's a nasty cycle that too many people contribute to and too few try to stop- More of us (on BOTH sides of the slash) could do something about it if we made an effort.

Even a submissive can see that.