Having evaded the stupid-girl-squishy-shit hive mind, I tend to get annoyed by the "all chicks dig this shit!" posts. I deal with that be exuding snark from my pores to provide a protective barrier between myself and the stupid shit. Part of the exuding process is writing...
1. Touch her waist.
Don't touch my waist, I will punch you. Touch my hip, my back, grab my ass... But FFS, leave my waist out of it.
2. Actually talk to her.
As opposed to just talking to me. The "actually" bit makes it seem much more Real & True doesn't it? Or stupid. It might make the statement sound more stupid. Kind of like saying, "Don't kiss her, actually kiss her." WTF?
3. Share secrets with her.
Or don't. I respect your need to have some things remain private.
4. Give her your jacket.
It's 31 degrees out, it's not that cold yet. You'll be fine without it. Seriously, hand that shit over, I'm cold and so brainless that I couldn't remember that I need to own a coat in the winter.
5. Kiss her slowly.
Like in that scene from "AAaaAargh, Zombies!" That would totally make me moist in my shame-shame.
Are you remembering this? (You don't have to. There won't be a quiz. Unless there is)
6. Hug her.
Sometimes I like being hugged, sometimes I don't. To avoid that whole punching thing, it's best to find out in advance how I feel about being hugged.
7. Hold her.
Unless I'm sleeping, eating, on the potty, doing something, or ill. Don't hold me then. As with hugging, pre-approval is the safest course of action here.
8. Laugh with her.
But only if I say something funny. If you just start laughing randomly that's going to creep me out and possibly alarm me. I might punch you.
9. Invite her somewhere.
"Hey, want to go visit the local dump?"
"No."
"Somewhere" isn't very specific, now is it?
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.
Please don't. Your friends are nice and all, but you all tend to talk about shit I have no interest in. I'm totally cool with you having alone-time with your pals.
KEEP READING (I understand if you don't want to though)
11. Smile with her.
Yes. The idea of you grinning maniacally whenever I smile isn't creepy at all.
12. Take pictures with her.
Pass. I am not photogenic, I do not like being photographed.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
And be squished by my gigantic bum of doom.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
What the hell is this? 10th grade? Who says that shit? I don't.
15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and
hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.
A) My friends don't say stupid shit like this because, not in high school.
B) If you try to prevent me from going somewhere that punching thing will happen.
C) God, this is some stupid shit.
Are you thinking of someone? (I was all by myself, no one was looking, I was thinking of you...)
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
You see me ALL THE TIME. I'm not that needy nor am I stupid, I know you love me. I don't have to hear it every two minutes.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
E gads no... We did that once, remember? We've got the matching chipped teeth to show for that brilliant idea.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
Did the person who wrote this drivel have a waist fetish? No. Just, no.
19. Tell her she's beautiful.
Because I'm so insecure that I need to hear it from you? Nope. I know I'm the hottest thing since a freshly microwaved Hot Pocket (Hot on the outside, with a frozen heart. Muahahahahaha!).
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.
Shouldn't that be pretty obvious if you're already telling me that you love me every two minutes?
One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it. (Mean what?)
21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected,
plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
It does not make me feel protected, but it does make me feel like you were not raised in a barn by feral cats. So that's a plus.
22. Tell her she's your everything - only if you mean it.
Don't. I have no desire to be your everything because that would indicate a few unpleasant things- That you're really effing lame, that you don't have a life and desperately need one, that you're really rather shallow, and that your idea of "everything" is quite limited.
*23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies
something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just hug her*
No. I'm an adult woman who knows how to use her words. If something is wrong, I will tell you. If I need a hug, I will also tell you that. So "just" don't anything.
24. Make her feel loved.
You know, this list would be about a quarter of the length it is now if all the "tell her, make her feel, do, say, blahblahblah, love" crap was deleted.
25-kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!!!!
Yeah, because I'm that insecure that I need you to put on a pissing contest for my benefit.
KEEP READING!! (I'd really rather you didn't)
26-don't lie to HER.
Unless you need to in order to be all stealthy about a surprise, or if those pants do make my ass look big, or if you really can't stand my family... There are things I don't mind you fudging the facts on.
27-DON'T cheat on her.
Ok, so I do agree with this one, but you know that... Kinda sad though that it got a mention here like most guys are too dumb to figure that out on their own or something.
28-take her ANYWHERE she wants
I want to go to the Bahamas. Now. Well, what are you waiting for? What do you mean we have to pay bills and get the car fixed and Xmas is coming up and the kids need gifts. The list says "anywhere" so hop to it!
*29-txt messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.*
We live together. You can feel free to skip this one. Also: Not a fan of being woken up via text.
*30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.*
What the? yeah, just hang around me ALL THE TIME so I know that you'll always be lurking somewhere nearby, just in case... Not creepy at all.
ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER BECAUSE, IT'S IMPORTANT (or it's a steaming pile of dogshit written by some super lame herd of high school girls)
31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too.
Being a grown up person, I own a heating blanket, clothes, and other warm fuzzy things. If I'm cold I'll use them... Plus, the way you squeal like a stuck pig when I accidentally touch you with my icy appendages is somewhat alarming. I don't like it.
32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.
Sheesh. According to this thing you should just krazy glue yourself to my side. Clingy much, high school girls?
*33. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).*
I don't need a fucking hint. I'm not stupid.
*34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.*
If I've just spent a crap ton of cash to watch a movie I want to WATCH THE MOVIE. So, don't. Also: This is weirdly specific.
*35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her.*
Yes, shield my weak girl feelers from any unpleasant emotions you might be experiencing because I'm too fragile to handle that shit like an adult. That's healthy.
REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT (So, like every day because we're married)
36. When people DISS her, stand up for her.
Or just have my back. I'm capable of fighting my own battles.
37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.
Yeah, do it! I can totally hypnotize you without you being aware of it. Look deep into my eyes... You want to take me to Bermuda...
*38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.*
Wait. Am I supposed to be listening to your heart or your man-talk here? I'm confused... How about we do neither and I'll just look at the stars along with you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND.
Unless you're on the wrong side. That just feels weird. Like, seriously weird.
40. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible
Until I punch you to regain my freedom.
MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED (by not doing any of the insipid shit in this imbecilic list)
41. Call or text her at night to wish her SWEET DREAMS
We live together.
42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
Or hand me a Kleenex. Or a napkin. Hell, even a paper towel will work. I stopped needing my face to be wiped off when I was 5.
43. Take her for LONG walks at night.
No. I am not a dog. Do not take me for walks.
4. ALWAYS Remind her how much you love her.
For the love of all that's good and fluffy! Haven't I seen this demand at least 6 times already?
*45. sit on top of her and tell her how much u love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.*
Yes, because nothing says "I love you" quite like being forcibly restrained without my consent... FFS.
Effing stupid shit.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Smugly Superior BS & An Unhinged Rant.
There's a writing that's making the K&P circuit. It's the one I'm going to quote from here in a minute- The one about "Good" girls Vs. their bland, dull (and implied "bad") counterparts, Vanilla girls.
And man, I hate that shit. It annoys the ever loving fuck out of me that people think that they need to label themselves as "good" or better than folks who do it differently so they can feel important. It pisses me off that they're stating what "good" is... Even though plenty of people, plenty of awesome, great, and Good people will not fit their limited criteria.
I think it's fucking stupid to call yourself good while you're setting up anybody who doesn't meat your own personal standards as a failure... Or vanilla. Which are one in the same on fet.
Ugh.
Vanilla girls fuck doggie style.
Good girls make love ass up, face down.
I'm kinky. I've been pretty open about my kinkiness for years now, and for the past 5 years have been in a 24/7 D/s relationship with my Domly One. I'm about as vanilla as chocolate ice cream... And guess what? We fuck doggy style. Which is the exact same thing as ass up-face down, moron.
Vanilla girls spit or swallow.
Good girls swallow or wear it.
What the fuck is this malarkey? I spit, I swallow, sometimes I get a pearl necklace... What does that have to do with how kinky someone is? Last time I checked what you did with jizz had nothing to do with how "good" you were... Unless you're just looking for reasons to say that you're "better" than someone else. And that's pretty pathetic.
Vanilla girls give their men anal.
Good girls take it for them.
No.
Fuck that shit. What holes you allow someone to stick their cock in has absolutely nothing to do with how "good" you are. And the idea that they "take it"? What the ever loving fuck is that? Is that like some euphemism for "even if I don't want to, I will" because you know there's another word for people who make their partner have sex even if they don't want to, and it sure as hell isn't "good."
Vanilla girls turn the lights off.
Good girls wear blindfolds.
I hate to break it to you but vanilla girls play with blindfolds and some kinky people like having sex with the lights off. So much fail.
Vanilla girls post their selfies on Facebook.
Good girls have a Fet gallery.
So... How many people reading this (or the tripe that inspired it) have a FaceBook? Lots of you, I'm guessing. How many of you have selfies? Almost everybody?
Hey, guess what?
You're vanilla!
And no, not all of us kinky girls care to provide wank fodder for the masses.
Vanilla girls try not to be sluts.
Good girls....hahaha.
And this is the one that probably pisses me off the most. Who the hell are you to dictate if I, or any other woman, is Good or Bad based on our sexual exploits? Plenty of us are monogamous. Plenty of us don't have many partners. Plenty of us have absolutely no interest in identifying as a "slut." So fuck you for saying that we're less than because we don't fit in the eeny-weenie box you've constructed for yourself.
And you know what else? Fuck everybody who agreed with this point. Fuck you for thinking you had any right to make someone feel less than because they don't use the "slut" label.
Vanilla girls buy disposable Trojan vibe rings at the grocery store.
Good girls..."You can pry my Hitachi from my cold, dead hands."
I don't much care for powerful vibes. They piss of my clit. It's sensitive and (lucky me) I can get off with a cheap little 8$ toy. Oh look, now I feel smugly superior. Yeah, I think I'm going to pity everybody who doesn't have easily pleased genitallia because that's obviously the cool thing to do.
Vanilla girls get wet.
Good girls are wet. All. The. Fucking.Time.
I'd point out how a woman's natural lubrication varies depending on where she is in her cycle, but why bother? If you want to think that you're the most awesome thing ever because your parts leak like a faucet with a busted washer... Have at. Personally, I think that having to waste money on panty liners is anything but sexy.
Vanilla girls count the number of times they've had sex in one night.
Good girls count to 3.
Oh, please.
So if I (or any other set of partners) decide that once is enough I'm somehow vanilla or not good? Ugh. So fucking stupid.
Vanilla girls blush when they're spanked.
Good girls turn red, too, but it lasts for days.
And now if we don't go in for hard spanking that leaves marks that last for days we're not good?
Vanilla girls have their limits.
Good girls have them categorized as "Hard" and "Soft," and can email them to you as an attachment.
Again, I fail. I'm a miserable failure. I don't have limits, I sure as hell don't have them in some file I can (or will) send to folks.
Vanilla girls are awesome.
Kinky girls are awesome.
And they're both good.
And man, I hate that shit. It annoys the ever loving fuck out of me that people think that they need to label themselves as "good" or better than folks who do it differently so they can feel important. It pisses me off that they're stating what "good" is... Even though plenty of people, plenty of awesome, great, and Good people will not fit their limited criteria.
I think it's fucking stupid to call yourself good while you're setting up anybody who doesn't meat your own personal standards as a failure... Or vanilla. Which are one in the same on fet.
Ugh.
Vanilla girls fuck doggie style.
Good girls make love ass up, face down.
I'm kinky. I've been pretty open about my kinkiness for years now, and for the past 5 years have been in a 24/7 D/s relationship with my Domly One. I'm about as vanilla as chocolate ice cream... And guess what? We fuck doggy style. Which is the exact same thing as ass up-face down, moron.
Vanilla girls spit or swallow.
Good girls swallow or wear it.
What the fuck is this malarkey? I spit, I swallow, sometimes I get a pearl necklace... What does that have to do with how kinky someone is? Last time I checked what you did with jizz had nothing to do with how "good" you were... Unless you're just looking for reasons to say that you're "better" than someone else. And that's pretty pathetic.
Vanilla girls give their men anal.
Good girls take it for them.
No.
Fuck that shit. What holes you allow someone to stick their cock in has absolutely nothing to do with how "good" you are. And the idea that they "take it"? What the ever loving fuck is that? Is that like some euphemism for "even if I don't want to, I will" because you know there's another word for people who make their partner have sex even if they don't want to, and it sure as hell isn't "good."
Vanilla girls turn the lights off.
Good girls wear blindfolds.
I hate to break it to you but vanilla girls play with blindfolds and some kinky people like having sex with the lights off. So much fail.
Vanilla girls post their selfies on Facebook.
Good girls have a Fet gallery.
So... How many people reading this (or the tripe that inspired it) have a FaceBook? Lots of you, I'm guessing. How many of you have selfies? Almost everybody?
Hey, guess what?
You're vanilla!
And no, not all of us kinky girls care to provide wank fodder for the masses.
Vanilla girls try not to be sluts.
Good girls....hahaha.
And this is the one that probably pisses me off the most. Who the hell are you to dictate if I, or any other woman, is Good or Bad based on our sexual exploits? Plenty of us are monogamous. Plenty of us don't have many partners. Plenty of us have absolutely no interest in identifying as a "slut." So fuck you for saying that we're less than because we don't fit in the eeny-weenie box you've constructed for yourself.
And you know what else? Fuck everybody who agreed with this point. Fuck you for thinking you had any right to make someone feel less than because they don't use the "slut" label.
Vanilla girls buy disposable Trojan vibe rings at the grocery store.
Good girls..."You can pry my Hitachi from my cold, dead hands."
I don't much care for powerful vibes. They piss of my clit. It's sensitive and (lucky me) I can get off with a cheap little 8$ toy. Oh look, now I feel smugly superior. Yeah, I think I'm going to pity everybody who doesn't have easily pleased genitallia because that's obviously the cool thing to do.
Vanilla girls get wet.
Good girls are wet. All. The. Fucking.Time.
I'd point out how a woman's natural lubrication varies depending on where she is in her cycle, but why bother? If you want to think that you're the most awesome thing ever because your parts leak like a faucet with a busted washer... Have at. Personally, I think that having to waste money on panty liners is anything but sexy.
Vanilla girls count the number of times they've had sex in one night.
Good girls count to 3.
Oh, please.
So if I (or any other set of partners) decide that once is enough I'm somehow vanilla or not good? Ugh. So fucking stupid.
Vanilla girls blush when they're spanked.
Good girls turn red, too, but it lasts for days.
And now if we don't go in for hard spanking that leaves marks that last for days we're not good?
Vanilla girls have their limits.
Good girls have them categorized as "Hard" and "Soft," and can email them to you as an attachment.
Again, I fail. I'm a miserable failure. I don't have limits, I sure as hell don't have them in some file I can (or will) send to folks.
Vanilla girls are awesome.
Kinky girls are awesome.
And they're both good.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Risk, Safety, and Being a Rape Apologist. (TW)
I'm confused.
Seriously. I'm sitting on my couch scratching my head and having a "whatha?" moment... Or hour, because I've been turning this thing over for close to an hour now, trying to make sense of it. Hell, every time I see it happen I try to make sense of it and I just can't.
And I know right now that no matter how carefully I word this it's not going to come out quite right- Apologies for that in advance.
Also- This may be triggery for some folks. I'm going to write about rape.
Ok, so here's the thing that's bugging me:
If you go somewhere, like a bar at night, you pretty much know that there's a risk-
Someone might try to mug you as you walk to your car or walk home.
Someone might steal your purse or wallet in the crowd.
You might get too inebriated to drive safely...
Shit happens and we all know that it happens, we're not dummies.
So, we do things to mitigate those risks. We go to the bar with a designated driver, money for a cab, and a herd of friends to keep an eye out for the muggers and purse-wallet snatchers. And if we have to walk home or to our car we try to be aware of our surroundings, we might drink less to help us remain more alert to potential threats. It's just common sense. Bad shit happens, we do what we can to avoid it. Better safe than sorry.
Nobody gets rabid over the idea that if you go to the bar, your shit might get stolen, so you should watch out for yourself or have friends around to watch out for each other. Right?
Replace mugging with rape though and the entire internet goes batshit crazy.
That's the thing I don't understand: When someone suggests that there are things a person can do to mitigate risk, common sense things that are often used to mitigate risk for other bad shit, folks go nuts.
They throw screaming fits at the mere idea that a person (most commonly a woman) should even think about risk or need to employ tactics to mitigate those risks...
I don't understand the difference.
Risk- We all know that walking down a dark alley at night, alone, is a bad idea. Muggers hide in dark alleys at night.
Solution- Don't walk alone in dark alleys at night.
The internet nods its collective head in understanding.
Risk- We all know that walking down a dark alley at night, alone, is a bad idea. Rapists hide in dark alleys at night.
Solution- Don't walk alone in dark alleys at night.
The internet pitches a fit.
"A woman has a right to walk down a dark alley at night, alone, without getting raped!"
"You're a rape apologist for suggesting that it's a woman's fault if she's raped while walking down a dark alley at night!"
"I shouldn't have to avoid dark alleys at night! You're an ass for suggesting that I should! Ass!"
"In a perfect world dark alleys would be safe."
In the second scenario there's no blame, there's no suggestion that the rapist is in the right or the victim did something wrong, there's just a statement of fact (a certain place has the potential to be dangerous) and a solution (avoid that place).
We all know that there are certain situations where we're more vulnerable to violence or bad shit happening, where every single person on the face of the planet no matter what their gender faces a greater risk, we all accept that there are things we can do to decrease our risk... So why in this one instance, when there is a risk and people try to discuss how to decrease risk, is it such a terrible thing?
Hell, we give the same suggestions in the Kinkyverse (because shady Doms are shady) that are often heard in rape avoidance advice:
Don't meet a new person alone. Take a friend or meet somewhere public.
Don't play with someone you don't trust or who doesn't come with glowing references from someone you do trust.
Don't move too fast, take your time, get to know the person you want to play or have a relationship with.
Don't drink and play, alcohol screws with your nervous system and you could get hurt.
And everybody accepts that advice as solid common sense because it is.
I really don't understand why having a conversation geared towards trying to mitigate risk in situations that can be dangerous is ever a bad thing.
"Drinking too much decreases your ability to recognize danger."
"Drinking too much may make you an easy target."
"Drinking too much affects your ability to protect yourself."
Applied to mugging- That's cool. We'll just drink less and not give muggers an easy target.
Applied to rape- "OMG! Are you suggesting she deserved it if she drank too much? Are you saying it's OK for someone to rape her? Are you, are you, are you??? You suck!"
What makes one thing different from the other? It's the same idea no matter what the risk- Drink less, lower your risk of being targeted for violence. No blame, no fault, just a statement based on facts that can be used to increase personal safety in a shitty world.
Why don't people want that conversation to happen?
We discuss safety in other potentially dangerous situations like rational adults- What's different about this discussion? Seriously, what's different?
If you offer tips on decreasing the chance of a home invasion happening- Lock your doors and windows, leave a light on, buy an alarm system and/or a big dog with a big bark- Nobody comes along and starts screaming that you're blaming the victims of home invasion if they haven't taken these precautions. Nobody accuses you of supporting burglary by offering tips to avoid having your home burgled. Nobody suggests that you're making excuses for the burglar.
No, we nod in understanding, lock our doors, leave a light on, and adopt a dog. We recognize the risk and make moves to mitigate the risk.
And this is why my mind has been boggling for the past hour or so.
Can someone help me understand why discussing safety in this context is so damn horrible?
Seriously. I'm sitting on my couch scratching my head and having a "whatha?" moment... Or hour, because I've been turning this thing over for close to an hour now, trying to make sense of it. Hell, every time I see it happen I try to make sense of it and I just can't.
And I know right now that no matter how carefully I word this it's not going to come out quite right- Apologies for that in advance.
Also- This may be triggery for some folks. I'm going to write about rape.
Ok, so here's the thing that's bugging me:
If you go somewhere, like a bar at night, you pretty much know that there's a risk-
Someone might try to mug you as you walk to your car or walk home.
Someone might steal your purse or wallet in the crowd.
You might get too inebriated to drive safely...
Shit happens and we all know that it happens, we're not dummies.
So, we do things to mitigate those risks. We go to the bar with a designated driver, money for a cab, and a herd of friends to keep an eye out for the muggers and purse-wallet snatchers. And if we have to walk home or to our car we try to be aware of our surroundings, we might drink less to help us remain more alert to potential threats. It's just common sense. Bad shit happens, we do what we can to avoid it. Better safe than sorry.
Nobody gets rabid over the idea that if you go to the bar, your shit might get stolen, so you should watch out for yourself or have friends around to watch out for each other. Right?
Replace mugging with rape though and the entire internet goes batshit crazy.
That's the thing I don't understand: When someone suggests that there are things a person can do to mitigate risk, common sense things that are often used to mitigate risk for other bad shit, folks go nuts.
They throw screaming fits at the mere idea that a person (most commonly a woman) should even think about risk or need to employ tactics to mitigate those risks...
I don't understand the difference.
Risk- We all know that walking down a dark alley at night, alone, is a bad idea. Muggers hide in dark alleys at night.
Solution- Don't walk alone in dark alleys at night.
The internet nods its collective head in understanding.
Risk- We all know that walking down a dark alley at night, alone, is a bad idea. Rapists hide in dark alleys at night.
Solution- Don't walk alone in dark alleys at night.
The internet pitches a fit.
"A woman has a right to walk down a dark alley at night, alone, without getting raped!"
"You're a rape apologist for suggesting that it's a woman's fault if she's raped while walking down a dark alley at night!"
"I shouldn't have to avoid dark alleys at night! You're an ass for suggesting that I should! Ass!"
"In a perfect world dark alleys would be safe."
In the second scenario there's no blame, there's no suggestion that the rapist is in the right or the victim did something wrong, there's just a statement of fact (a certain place has the potential to be dangerous) and a solution (avoid that place).
We all know that there are certain situations where we're more vulnerable to violence or bad shit happening, where every single person on the face of the planet no matter what their gender faces a greater risk, we all accept that there are things we can do to decrease our risk... So why in this one instance, when there is a risk and people try to discuss how to decrease risk, is it such a terrible thing?
Hell, we give the same suggestions in the Kinkyverse (because shady Doms are shady) that are often heard in rape avoidance advice:
Don't meet a new person alone. Take a friend or meet somewhere public.
Don't play with someone you don't trust or who doesn't come with glowing references from someone you do trust.
Don't move too fast, take your time, get to know the person you want to play or have a relationship with.
Don't drink and play, alcohol screws with your nervous system and you could get hurt.
And everybody accepts that advice as solid common sense because it is.
I really don't understand why having a conversation geared towards trying to mitigate risk in situations that can be dangerous is ever a bad thing.
"Drinking too much decreases your ability to recognize danger."
"Drinking too much may make you an easy target."
"Drinking too much affects your ability to protect yourself."
Applied to mugging- That's cool. We'll just drink less and not give muggers an easy target.
Applied to rape- "OMG! Are you suggesting she deserved it if she drank too much? Are you saying it's OK for someone to rape her? Are you, are you, are you??? You suck!"
What makes one thing different from the other? It's the same idea no matter what the risk- Drink less, lower your risk of being targeted for violence. No blame, no fault, just a statement based on facts that can be used to increase personal safety in a shitty world.
Why don't people want that conversation to happen?
We discuss safety in other potentially dangerous situations like rational adults- What's different about this discussion? Seriously, what's different?
If you offer tips on decreasing the chance of a home invasion happening- Lock your doors and windows, leave a light on, buy an alarm system and/or a big dog with a big bark- Nobody comes along and starts screaming that you're blaming the victims of home invasion if they haven't taken these precautions. Nobody accuses you of supporting burglary by offering tips to avoid having your home burgled. Nobody suggests that you're making excuses for the burglar.
No, we nod in understanding, lock our doors, leave a light on, and adopt a dog. We recognize the risk and make moves to mitigate the risk.
And this is why my mind has been boggling for the past hour or so.
Can someone help me understand why discussing safety in this context is so damn horrible?
Monday, November 17, 2014
Christian Grey Vs. Cookie
Somewhere else, someone started a discussion titled "Christian Grey Vs. The Real Thing." It was mostly about super uber serious stuff, and since I've had enough serious business today to last me for the next month or so, I figured I would amuse myself. And it's a good thing I'll be amused because it's probable that nobody else will be.
Meh.
Consider that fair warning.
Christian Grey-
Multi Squjillionaire. Makes more money in a minute than I could spend in a day. Owns and runs his own business, all CEO-like. Does charity shit.
Cookie-
Not a multi squajillionaire. Not even close. Doesn't even aspire to make the Top 10 Multi Squajillionaire list. Miserable retail slave. Puts cash in the Bell Ringers' buckets, fire fighter's boots at intersections, has been known to buy poppies from veterans.
Christian Grey-
Has a fancy car. Owns buildings for businesses, multiple houses, and could buy more on a whim (and does). Lots of fancy, expensive shit going on here.
Cookie-
Has a Buick (it's a very nice Buick). Almost owns one home. Could probably buy a very nice pup tent on a whim. No fanciness here.
Christian Grey-
Buys What's-Her-Face jewelry, an entire wardrobe, a new car, first edition books, a laptop, and probably more shit because he's a multi squajillionaire.
Cookie-
Buys me Cadbury Eggs, books by the dozen at Salvation Army, and a puppy. Also bought me a pretty ring and has been known to give in to my begging for sexy time toys on occasion.
Christian Grey-
Has a helicopter and private jet. Can fly a glider.
Cookie-
Knows how to fly my remote control dragonfly.
Christian Grey-
Supposedly insanely handsome, also insane.
Cookie-
Nommier than a chocolate bar during girl time. Sane.
Christian Grey-
Has more baggage than an airport at the holidays.
Cookie-
Has some baggage, but it's nothing that couldn't fit in an overhead compartment or under the seat. Maybe in a glove box.
Christian Grey-
Has a dungeon.
Cookie-
Does not.
Christian Grey-
Has an iffy understanding of boundaries, limits, healthy relationships, and consent. Kinda creepy stalkery. Borders on abusive behavior at time. Off the charts control freak.
Cookie-
Well adjusted, awesome human being.
Christian Grey-
Some bored vanilla chick's idea of a "Dominant." Purely fictional, does not exist.
Cookie-
Is the Domly One of a well informed, smart kinkster who actually has a clue. Real person (unless I'm nuts and he's a figment of my imagination, but I don't think I am).
And the winner in this epic battle of the Doms?
Cookie!
Yay, Cookie!
Though seriously, I'm really rather sick and tired of the whole broken rich guy waiting to be saved thing. It's been done to death and then done a bit more because chicks seem to dig it. I don't know why. Money makes shit easier for sure, but it doesn't buy happiness and it sure as hell doesn't make up for the amount of crazy these fictional D-type guys sport.
Ugh. I'm going to bed now. Writing stuff like this lets me know just how tired I really am (even if I don't feel tired).
Meh.
Consider that fair warning.
Christian Grey-
Multi Squjillionaire. Makes more money in a minute than I could spend in a day. Owns and runs his own business, all CEO-like. Does charity shit.
Cookie-
Not a multi squajillionaire. Not even close. Doesn't even aspire to make the Top 10 Multi Squajillionaire list. Miserable retail slave. Puts cash in the Bell Ringers' buckets, fire fighter's boots at intersections, has been known to buy poppies from veterans.
Christian Grey-
Has a fancy car. Owns buildings for businesses, multiple houses, and could buy more on a whim (and does). Lots of fancy, expensive shit going on here.
Cookie-
Has a Buick (it's a very nice Buick). Almost owns one home. Could probably buy a very nice pup tent on a whim. No fanciness here.
Christian Grey-
Buys What's-Her-Face jewelry, an entire wardrobe, a new car, first edition books, a laptop, and probably more shit because he's a multi squajillionaire.
Cookie-
Buys me Cadbury Eggs, books by the dozen at Salvation Army, and a puppy. Also bought me a pretty ring and has been known to give in to my begging for sexy time toys on occasion.
Christian Grey-
Has a helicopter and private jet. Can fly a glider.
Cookie-
Knows how to fly my remote control dragonfly.
Christian Grey-
Supposedly insanely handsome, also insane.
Cookie-
Nommier than a chocolate bar during girl time. Sane.
Christian Grey-
Has more baggage than an airport at the holidays.
Cookie-
Has some baggage, but it's nothing that couldn't fit in an overhead compartment or under the seat. Maybe in a glove box.
Christian Grey-
Has a dungeon.
Cookie-
Does not.
Christian Grey-
Has an iffy understanding of boundaries, limits, healthy relationships, and consent. Kinda creepy stalkery. Borders on abusive behavior at time. Off the charts control freak.
Cookie-
Well adjusted, awesome human being.
Christian Grey-
Some bored vanilla chick's idea of a "Dominant." Purely fictional, does not exist.
Cookie-
Is the Domly One of a well informed, smart kinkster who actually has a clue. Real person (unless I'm nuts and he's a figment of my imagination, but I don't think I am).
And the winner in this epic battle of the Doms?
Cookie!
Yay, Cookie!
Though seriously, I'm really rather sick and tired of the whole broken rich guy waiting to be saved thing. It's been done to death and then done a bit more because chicks seem to dig it. I don't know why. Money makes shit easier for sure, but it doesn't buy happiness and it sure as hell doesn't make up for the amount of crazy these fictional D-type guys sport.
Ugh. I'm going to bed now. Writing stuff like this lets me know just how tired I really am (even if I don't feel tired).
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Emotional Fidelity? What the hell is that?
There's a thing that's happening over here in Squeaktopia that has me pondering emotional fidelity.
Now, because I have superior Google Fu skills I thought I'd just do a quick and easy search so that I could kind of get my thoughts into order for the Squeaksplaining that needs to happen later today. Turns out, explaining emotional fidelity is about as easy as explaining what an elephant looks like to a blind man.
Oh, there's plenty of examples of what emotional infidelity is. I could find that shit fast, there's about a million-billion sites devoted to it... But nothing about emotional fidelity.
You'd think that it would be helpful to have something that says "This is what emotional fidelity looks like" so you know what to avoid. That seems far more helpful than explaining what infidelity is because after it's happened the damage is done.
So, I began thinking.
You never see emotional infidelity as an issue between two friends who are girls (or guys) and straight.
Friends are supposed to bond emotionally. We support each other, we love each other, it's what friends are supposed to do... Unless it's hetero folks and a guy-girl friendship. Then that shit gets tricky.
An action, say, telling your bestie about a promotion at work, or that annoying thing your spouse does, or your feelings is totally kopasetic. It's just friends sharing. Friends do that, it's expected.
But tell those things to a friend of the opposite sex (or same sex I guess if you're wired that way) and you're suddenly standing on shaky ground. The chances of your significant other getting bent out of shape increases dramatically. Jealousy might rear its ugly head.
I had to think about that for a few minutes... And it hit me: Most of us who are straight are not romantically attracted to our same-sex besties. Someone of the opposite sex though- Then there is that possibility of attraction. There's the possibility that emotional bonding might lead to romantic interest forming.
There's a threat, and real or imagined, it's enough to wreak havoc on a relationship.
Still, that doesn't help me to figure out what the conversation I need to have later needs to include. It doesn't let me know what parameters or limits I need to have in place to feel secure with Cookie having a friend of the opposite sex (with whom there is some unpleasant history).
And it's stupid because if this was his best guy friend I wouldn't care... But here we go again- Best guy friend is not a potential threat to my happiness. And I'm not worried about Cookie physically cheating, I'm worried about him becoming emotionally dependant on someone for support who is female, which would be worse than a fling that meant nothing.
Something that means nothing doesn't bother me. OK, it would bother me but it wouldn't bother-bother me.
I'm worried about him sharing more about himself with her than with me. I'm not OK with him giving away the important parts of his emotional self to another woman. I'm worried about that meaning something.
Gah! This is so stupid...
I should just nip this in the bud and say, "Yeah, remember how great things were back when she was in your life and creating strife? Lets' just avoid the potential for a repeat of that."
I'm going to go bang my head against a wall for a few hours.
Maybe that will sort some of this shit out.
Now, because I have superior Google Fu skills I thought I'd just do a quick and easy search so that I could kind of get my thoughts into order for the Squeaksplaining that needs to happen later today. Turns out, explaining emotional fidelity is about as easy as explaining what an elephant looks like to a blind man.
Oh, there's plenty of examples of what emotional infidelity is. I could find that shit fast, there's about a million-billion sites devoted to it... But nothing about emotional fidelity.
You'd think that it would be helpful to have something that says "This is what emotional fidelity looks like" so you know what to avoid. That seems far more helpful than explaining what infidelity is because after it's happened the damage is done.
So, I began thinking.
You never see emotional infidelity as an issue between two friends who are girls (or guys) and straight.
Friends are supposed to bond emotionally. We support each other, we love each other, it's what friends are supposed to do... Unless it's hetero folks and a guy-girl friendship. Then that shit gets tricky.
An action, say, telling your bestie about a promotion at work, or that annoying thing your spouse does, or your feelings is totally kopasetic. It's just friends sharing. Friends do that, it's expected.
But tell those things to a friend of the opposite sex (or same sex I guess if you're wired that way) and you're suddenly standing on shaky ground. The chances of your significant other getting bent out of shape increases dramatically. Jealousy might rear its ugly head.
I had to think about that for a few minutes... And it hit me: Most of us who are straight are not romantically attracted to our same-sex besties. Someone of the opposite sex though- Then there is that possibility of attraction. There's the possibility that emotional bonding might lead to romantic interest forming.
There's a threat, and real or imagined, it's enough to wreak havoc on a relationship.
Still, that doesn't help me to figure out what the conversation I need to have later needs to include. It doesn't let me know what parameters or limits I need to have in place to feel secure with Cookie having a friend of the opposite sex (with whom there is some unpleasant history).
And it's stupid because if this was his best guy friend I wouldn't care... But here we go again- Best guy friend is not a potential threat to my happiness. And I'm not worried about Cookie physically cheating, I'm worried about him becoming emotionally dependant on someone for support who is female, which would be worse than a fling that meant nothing.
Something that means nothing doesn't bother me. OK, it would bother me but it wouldn't bother-bother me.
I'm worried about him sharing more about himself with her than with me. I'm not OK with him giving away the important parts of his emotional self to another woman. I'm worried about that meaning something.
Gah! This is so stupid...
I should just nip this in the bud and say, "Yeah, remember how great things were back when she was in your life and creating strife? Lets' just avoid the potential for a repeat of that."
I'm going to go bang my head against a wall for a few hours.
Maybe that will sort some of this shit out.
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Life, in all of it's frustrating, busy, glory.
I have totally ignored my poor, poor blog.
At night I can hear it quietly weeping, waiting for me to pay attention to it, and despairing every time I troll the interwebs without once thinking of it.
I swear a have a plethora of good excuses though!
October 25th Cookie and I finally (FINALLY!) got around to celebrating the fact that we got hitched ages ago. The last few weeks leading up to it had me pulling the hair out of both of our heads, gnashing my teeth, and generally running around like a thing possessed. Anybody who has ever planned a big party on a budget will understand. It was crazy-making.
Thankfully it went off without a hitch (seriously! Everything went according to plan!), and it was an epic party.
The venue was spectacular- We rented a ballroom.
Our DJ rocked the house.
The décor (all DIY, have I mentioned that I'm a wee bit insane?), food, and drinks were all quite tasty, and...
I made chocolate covered caramel apples.
Devine.
Then, party done it was time for Halloween. We take Halloween seriously around these parts. We dress up, the small folk dress up, it's a fiasco and a half and we love every minute of it.
Of course this year it chose to snow, and rain, and the temperature hovered somewhere right above freezing... But still. Good times.
And finally, November.
For most folks November is that time of year where you draw turkeys by outlining your hand.
For me- It's NaNoWriMo.
National November Writing Month.
The 30 days where I attempt to write a novel.
So far it's going well, 7 days in and I'm at 37,199 words (for folks not obsessed with word counts, that's about 140ish pages).
It also means that except when Cookie orders me away from my precious keyboard (My Preciousssss!) I do nothing else but attempt to churn out the Next Great American Novel.
*snort*
Anyways, that's life lately.
It's pretty great.
At night I can hear it quietly weeping, waiting for me to pay attention to it, and despairing every time I troll the interwebs without once thinking of it.
I swear a have a plethora of good excuses though!
October 25th Cookie and I finally (FINALLY!) got around to celebrating the fact that we got hitched ages ago. The last few weeks leading up to it had me pulling the hair out of both of our heads, gnashing my teeth, and generally running around like a thing possessed. Anybody who has ever planned a big party on a budget will understand. It was crazy-making.
Thankfully it went off without a hitch (seriously! Everything went according to plan!), and it was an epic party.
The venue was spectacular- We rented a ballroom.
Our DJ rocked the house.
The décor (all DIY, have I mentioned that I'm a wee bit insane?), food, and drinks were all quite tasty, and...
I made chocolate covered caramel apples.
Devine.
Then, party done it was time for Halloween. We take Halloween seriously around these parts. We dress up, the small folk dress up, it's a fiasco and a half and we love every minute of it.
Of course this year it chose to snow, and rain, and the temperature hovered somewhere right above freezing... But still. Good times.
And finally, November.
For most folks November is that time of year where you draw turkeys by outlining your hand.
For me- It's NaNoWriMo.
National November Writing Month.
The 30 days where I attempt to write a novel.
So far it's going well, 7 days in and I'm at 37,199 words (for folks not obsessed with word counts, that's about 140ish pages).
It also means that except when Cookie orders me away from my precious keyboard (My Preciousssss!) I do nothing else but attempt to churn out the Next Great American Novel.
*snort*
Anyways, that's life lately.
It's pretty great.
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