Being Parents in The Kinkyverse

Poor Cookie is sad. He's moping.

It's making me laugh.

I'm running around free and wild (no cuffs, no collar, free!), I haven't called him Lord High Bossy Man in hours, he can't walk in the door and drop trou to get an after-work BJ... He's got it rough right now and the three little reasons for that are currently camped out on the couch watching Phineas & Ferb (at decibel levels generally only experienced by people who decide to stand next to a jumbo jet when it takes off).

It's Spring Break and we've got the kids for a week.

And while I've got these little lovable hellions running amok all over our lair I figured that it would be a pretty good time to address an issue that many kinksters have to manage- Parenthood and Kink.

How to manage both things without psychologically damaging everybody involved is a pretty big question for new kinksters who have kids- You want to have a dynamic that fulfills you and your partner and you want to provide a healthy environment for the small folk... But how the hell do you do that exactly?

It's definitely a different experience when kids are around. I mean, when you're alone you don't really have to think about it much, you can do whatever you damn well please and it's awesome. You can meander around the house buck naked, scromp where ever and whenever you feel like it, leave toys scattered about at random (OK, we can't do that because we have dogs who are very fond of leather), it's not something you have to think about. It can just happen.

Enter the small people and it's a different ball game.

Our experience with Kink & Kids is as follows:

All of a sudden we're using code that the CIA would be envious of.
Cookie's saying, "Darling, could you get me a pop please?" and the kids are hearing their step dad being lovey and polite, but I'm hearing "Squeaky! Go get me a pop! Now! Do it! And quit smirking at me or as soon as the kids go back to their dad's house..."

There's just stuff you don't say around kids and the stuff you can say sometimes needs to be said in a way that sets a good example. I don't want my kids thinking that it's OK to act like manner less, barn-raised, heathens so things like "please" and "thank you" are being uttered far more often than usual. Asking nicely is trumping dictatorial demands.

And I can't really call him Lord High Bossy Man in front of them. That's just weird. It would be even more weird if he were to call me something inappropriate, so now we're Dear and Darling full-time.

Sex has become a much quieter affair.
We have a small house and I think when they built it they used tissue paper instead of drywall. I can hear a dog fart from 50 feet away and in a different room... So sex? It's like high school again when you used to make out while your partner's parents were asleep and you were half afraid that they were going to wake up and chase you off with a shotgun. Which is kind of fun in a way, but it also puts a serious damper on how energetic you can get.

And how loud you can get. I don't care if the neighbors think I'm being skinned alive and yowling for god to come save me, but I don't especially care to have my kids hear that. Or the excited chipmunk noises I make. Or Cookie's noises (ever heard a wildebeest die? It's like that. But sexy...)

Play.
What play?
I've heard that other parents manage it, but dog only knows how. They must have basements or cork-lined play rooms. Or maybe a thing for pillow fights which are a fairly quiet activity. All of our toys are currently stashed in the bedroom closet gathering dust... And I suppose we could find some creative way to play quietly, but after he works a 13 hour shift and I've spent the day chasing after the human equivalents of the Tasmanian Devil? Neither of us have the energy to get creative.


Being a parent and having a dynamic isn't something that's featured in books. It's not the stuff of sexy erotica- Can you imagine how sexy it wouldn't be if you're in the middle of getting your giggity-goo on and from the other side of the bedroom door you hear "Mooooooooom! I'm thirsty!" Or worse yet, the door opens...

It makes me glad that I'm not the custodial parent. We only have to put things on pause for a few weeks out of the year so it's not a big deal. I can't imagine how full-time parents manage to have an active dynamic AND get in some play on occasion... Though I guess that's when "date nights" and trips to Grandma's house would come in handy.

Eventually I might try to come up with a practical guide to parenting and Kink... But right now it's time to interest the small folk in something that won't rot their brain. I'm thinking Pearler Beads (a thought I will undoubtedly regret as soon as I have to spend hours picking them up off the floor).