Submissives Don't Have Wants.

   The temptation to look down was strong, but I forced my eyes to remain on his. "No, Master," I said honestly. "I want to come badly, and it's hard to push aside my wants for yours."
   It shamed me to admit I wasn't yet where I needed to be in my service to him.
   "Your honesty pleases me." He stroked my cheek. "Don't feel guilty over your feelings. I know it's still early in your journey. I know you aren't yet able to completely put aside your wants. You'll get there eventually."

- The Training, Tara Sue Me, pgs. 172-173

*SIGH*

I'd like a virtual show of hands, please- Who among you has ever prioritized someone else's wants above your own?

How many parents have put aside what they wanted for something their kid(s) wanted?
How many grown children have put aside their wants for those of their parents?
How many friends have put aside a want in favor of something their friend wanted?
How many employees have put aside a want to instead do what their boss or another coworker wanted?
How many spouses/significant others/folks in a relationship have put their partner's wants ahead of their own?

OK.
I'm willing to bet that everybody who reads this little bloggy thinger of mine has raised their hand to at least one of those questions. I feel it's pretty safe to assume that we have all, at some point, prioritized another person's wants before our own.

Next question- How many of you think that prioritizing wants equates to not having wants?

Seriously. Think about it. If you really really want to go to the park for a picnic but your significant other really really wants to go see Intergalactic Toad Troopers from Planet Z Vs The Mothmen, and you agree to go see the movie does that mean you don't have wants or that you made their want a priority?

Do you see where I'm going with this?

There's this idea that submissives don't have wants and if we do have wants it's something we can eventually learn to not have. The passage I quoted at the beginning of this blog is an example of that- The s-type partner has a want and feels ashamed, the D-type partner assures her that she'll eventually learn how not to want.

And I suppose that to someone who isn't a submissive that's how it can appear- But that appearance isn't correct and passing on that appearance as fact is harmful.

Submissives don't have some sort of super power that allows us to magically not want anything. We don't have some special ability, we don't learn to not want. What we can do is prioritize our wants and our D-types wants.

We do the same thing that everybody else does, only for a good many of us we agree make the other person's wants a priority much more often than our own... And that's it.

So fiction writers, bad erotica producers, and ill-informed D-types and s-types... Please stop perpetuating a myth that is entirely inaccurate and causes harm to the newbies who don't know better. 

A submissive is always going to have wants, just like any other person, and there is nothing about that to feel guilt or shame over.