It's an age-old story (or one that's just as old as the internet)-
Sub meets Dom.
Sub and Dom make an attachment.
Sub and Dom play and figure out they're just not compatible (or he's an ass, or she's an ass, or...)
Point is, someone wants out.
Wants to call it quits, the end, finis.
Thanks to poorly written erotica, fantasy-based play, and a whole shit-ton of stupid on the internet and in the community, some folks get the idea that a person (most often the s-type) can't just say "Hey, this isn't working for me. I think it's time to move on" and go.
Nope.
Folks had to complicate the hell out of something most of us have been doing since high school.
Why? Probably because it plays into the fantasy of D/s or M/s, that the s-type can't just end a relationship because she (or he) belongs to the D-type. Someone who's owned can't just cut and run like they could in a vanilla relationship.
And really? I don't care. If two or more folks want to abide by arbitrary rules developed by Dog Only Knows Who, apply them to their relationship or the ending of their relationship... More power to them, you know? Whatever floats their kinky little boats.
I do start to care, however, when these arbitrary rules get quoted to someone who wants out or perhaps needs to be out and puts their emotional or physical well-being in danger.
A few years ago I saw a post about a woman who was in an obviously abusive relationship and was wondering if she could leave the ass who was harming her. Sadly, I've seen quite a few of those so it wasn't as disturbing as it should be. What was disturbing was a woman who came along and started quoting The One True And Real Way's Guide To Disolving A BDSM Relationship.
She said that the submissive couldn't just leave, because she was "owned" and all.
She said that the submissive would have to beg to be released, and if she wasn't released- Well, too bad so sad.
She said it was up to the D-type (abuser) to decide if he wanted to let the submissive go.
Understandably, that response cause a shit-storm in the group and that member (and her misguided "helpful" advice were never heard from again). Which would be great if there wasn't always someone else willing to "helpfully" offer similar advice whenever a submissive asks how to end a relationship with her Domly Partner...
Hence this bloggy thing.
The fantasy is fun. It can really help set the mood, get you and your partner in the right mindset, and can contribute positively to the relationship- While the relationship is still worth having.
Once you're done with the relationship though, for whatever reason? The fantasy needs to end as well, and despite what The One True And Real Guide may say about the matter- Ending the relationship is as easy as saying "It's over."
If you want to go through the rigmarole of "begging For Release" because you think it might provide some closure, that's your call. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
If you want to wait for your partner to say, "OK, I agree, it's over" because you think it might provide them with some closure, also your call. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
There are no rules and regulations about breaking up in a BDSM type of relationship unless YOU WANT TO USE THEM.
And if you do use them but the D-type says that they won't release you? It doesn't matter. You can still go on your merry way for a few reasons:
A) Slavery is illegal in the USA and a great many other nations.
B) Holding someone against their will is illegal in the USA and a great many other nations.
C) Forcing someone to participate in sexual activities they don't consent to is illegal in the USA and a great many other nations.
So unless they want to face court time and jail time... There's not a fat lot that a D-type can do to make you remain in a relationship you no longer consent to being in, other than breaking a few laws and paying for it eventually.
Reality (and the legal system system) trump fantasy every time.
As usual, YMMV. My opinion only. Do what works for you as long as it works for you.
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