Being a Brat

Until I meandered into the Kinkyverse I never considered myself a "brat."

I had a picture in my head of what a brat was and that person wasn't me. At all. I always envisioned a brat to be some spoiled, disrespectful, obstinate, ungrateful, unpleasant, whiny person. Someone who was manipulative and, quite frankly, probably abusive towards their significant other or parent.

It wasn't a pretty picture and I'm sure anybody who has known an adult (or even child) brat in real life vanilla land will agree. They're not nice people (unless they want something) and being around them can be the most miserable experience you can have (next to a root canal. Those are pretty miserable as well).

So when I landed all arms and legs and brain akimbo in the Kinkyverse and I started to read and learn I was a little shocked to see that I (me!) was what a lot of folks would consider a "brat" (Cue the Monty Python skit where the girl is saying "I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch" but replace "witch" with "brat"). It was, and still is, a bit disconcerting. It's something I have trouble with.

The worst trouble though is when a conversation starts about brats on one forum or another and the brats are basically told to justify their behavior; Why they cannot manage to be a "properly" submissive submissive like the rest of the good girls... And sure, it's all couched in politically correct terminology, or excused with phrases like, "Well in my relationship..." or best yet the passive aggressive "Well I just prefer to submit gracefully" stuff... Being a brat is something you have to make excuses for and it's just not an acceptable way to be. Being "good" is better.

Today I got thinking about being a brat and what makes a brat a brat in the Kinkyverse.

I mean, in vanilla land nobody would think I was a brat. Not my family, not my friends, and certainly not my husband. If you asked them, "Hey, is squeaky a brat?" they'd probably look at you like you'd just asked them if the sky was orange (on a blue sky day, not on an orange sunset day). The idea of me being a brat would never cross their minds because they'd also be thinking about the vanilla sort of definition for a brat.

And if you apply that vanilla definition here, I agree with the notion that brats are an awful thing to be. I don't know of a Dominant in their right mind who would actually want to be with that sort of person in a BDSM relationship. Problem is? That's not the definition that most of the s-types (who I know) use for themselves, even though it's the definition that seems to be applied to them.

If you ask a brat what makes them a brat they're likely to answer that they are:
Opinionated
A bit willful
Occasionally sarcastic
Playful
Frisky
Fun-loving
Mouthy
A little disobedient at times
And most of them will state that their bratting is an agreed upon part of their dynamic, one their D-types enjoy, and one that is fulfilling in some way to both partners. Most importantly, it doesn't cross "the line". Brats are aware that there is a point where their actions stop being fun and start being harmful, and if they forget and don't stop on their own a reminder from their D-type will usually do the trick.

None of the brats I know will respond with the vanilla definition. And sure, those traits in a submissive that I mentioned above are not going to "do it" for every D-type out there. Brats can often be a handful, they're not always the easiest people to dominate, but for the most part they're not malicious and they don't deserve to have a vanilla definition applied to a Kinkyverse label. It's rather unfair and inaccurate to apply a negative label and definition to something that is often a consensual and accepted part of a dynamic.

So perhaps it's long past the time when we should have stopped using a negative vanilla definition for a positive, enjoyable, and consensual BDSM dynamic?

Eh. Just something I was thinking about and decided to randomly blather on about... It's still early. I think I might need more caffeine.