The Trouble with Training...

I see this all the time, all over the internet, and it always leaves me confused...

"I want to be trained."

When I read that sort of sentiment I'm left scratching my head and wondering, "To do what, exactly?"

I mean, there are a lot of things a person can learn to do for themselves or their D-type partner. Probably more than I can even begin to imagine (and I've got a pretty good imagination). You could:

-Learn to make the perfect cup of tea or coffee, exactly the way they want it in the mug they prefer.
-Learn to give the best damn BJ they've ever had in their entire life.
-Learn to do those yoga-like "positions" perfectly.
-Learn how to make his bed, fold his laundry, and put away his dishes according to his specifications.
-Learn to say the right things at the right time, every time.
-Learn how to do your makeup, dress, and style your hair to their standards.
-Learn what parts to touch and to avoid to give them the most pleasure.
-Learn another language, how to cook, sing, sew, draw, etc for them to enjoy and reap the benefits from...

There is a metric crap ton of things you can be trained to do for your D-type, and most of those things are only things that he (or to be fair, she) can teach you to do, or things that you'll pick up like most folks do who pay attention over the course of the relationship.

Hell, over half of the things I've learned for Cookie's benefit are not even things that he's "trained" me to do- They're just things I've picked up on by listening to him and watching him. He likes the bed made with the blankets folded down. His socks go in the top drawer, undies in the second, shirts in the third, jeans in the bottom. He takes his coffee black with two sugars.

The other things are the stuff he's specifically told me to do (or not to do) or things I've asked about... Like how to give him the perfect BJ... Which isn't a trick I could have learned from anybody else. Or how he really likes it when we're going at it doggy style and he's about to climax and I do that thing with my... Well, you get the point, I'm sure. Those are things that he has taught me and nobody else could have taught me for him.

It's all rather dull, this mundane normal relationship stuff that a lot of us learn in order to please our D-types or to make their lives run a bit smoother... Which leads to the realization that when some folks make the "I want to be trained" statement they're not talking about the dull, day-to-day stuff. Nope. They're talking about the kinky sex stuff. The fantasy stuff. The crap from bad erotica and bad porn.

Case in point: Baby Seal from Random Web Site asking about being trained-
Alright to answer the general question of what I want from this: I'd like to be a slave like those on the Training of O or the Upper Floor from Kink.com, my favorite umbrella site. I am absolutely not saying that I want to live that 24/7 but I'd love for my training to resemble it.

It was pointed out to the baby seal that those were things not entirely based in reality (bad erotica and bad porn) but she was adamant. Her training should look Just. Like. That. And I wondered, how is that training? Being beat on? Playing? Having sexy fun times? Yes, all of the above... But training? No.

That's the trouble with "training."

Mostly it's used as some sort of code-speak for "I want kinky sex and play" and not "I want to learn to do the stuff that is going to make my relationship fulfilling to my D-type and myself." It's a fantasy kind of thing, not anything that has to do with reality because really? How much training do you need to suck cock or lick a vag or to lay there and get whipped or stand there and be tied up? Not much, really. The people who need training to do that stuff safely (well, the whipping and tying-up stuff anyways) are the D-types and Tops who do it.

So hey, if you want to try the stuff that you've been fantasizing about or watching in bad porn or reading in even worse erotica? Say that. But don't call it "training" because it's not (unless you think that having the ability to make incredibly stupid-looking O faces or Ow faces is a valuable skill to posess. Then maybe it could be called training).

/end rant