Slaves Can't Say No.

Being a painfully literal person sucks sometimes.
Like when I'm involved in a discussion about the differences between a submissive and a slave (BTW, I think the only quantifiable difference is the amount of letters it takes to spell each word), and someone comes along and says, "Well, a slave can't say no."

And then my brain, who is a great big jerk, gets this mental image of someone desperately trying to form the word "no" and speak it, but it's just not working for them.

"Nnnnn... NNNNnnnnn! Nuh, nuh, Nuuuuuuuh... Oh, fuck it."

Plus, there's that super twitchy feeling I get when people lay down gross generalizations and inaccurate information like it's the holy gospel of kinky truth. Just thinking about it is making my right eyelid spasm.

*twitch, twitch, twitch*

Slaves, like most people capable of speaking words out loud can say no just as well as anybody else, and for those who can't actually speak- Well, I figure that sign language would work just as well. Unless maybe they're tied up. Or wearing mittens. Mittens might interfere with that sort of thing...

Anyways, back to the point (if I have one. I might not. I'm out of diet Dew and have had to settle for a vastly inferior diet Pepsi this morning. It's just not cutting it).

Slaves can say no.
They're just as able of saying no as a over-tired toddler faced with an unwanted nap.

Whether they choose to use that word or not in their own personal relationship dynamic- That is an entirely different story.

And! I think it's one worth mentioning because as a blanket statement, the idea that if someone identifies as a slave means that they are never able to say no to something... It's an idea that can get new people into a world of hurt (and not the fun, kinky kind of hurt). When you tell a newbie who wants to identify as a slave that "a slave can't say no" you're creating a paradigm that allows for the potential of really bad shit to happen. Hell, even just mildly bad shit which could just result in an experience that would demolish any interest they might have had in WIITWD.

When you say "A slave can't say no" to a newbie, they don't understand that the lack of "no" in that relationship is the product of (hopefully) a great deal of negotiation over limits and boundaries and a massive amount of trust between a slave and her master that has been established over time. And even then, even if "no" has been negotiated out of the relationship, there are probably instances where it could still be used. The nuances are lost on that new person because odds are really good their only experience of BDSM to that point is crappy erotica and porn.

What they hear instead is literally what you're saying, that they can't say no. Ever. No matter what.

Then, the predatory or uninformed D-types come along and reinforce that idea with their manipulative "Good S-types Don't" drivel, they read the incredibly stupid lists dictating what Real & True s-types do, and common sense takes a flying leap out the nearest window.

Slaves can say "no".

I would strongly encourage anybody who identifies as a slave to refrain from giving up the ability to say no in their relationship until you know someone so well that there is no doubt in your mind that they would ever tell you to do something you would need to say no to.

That's the distinction left out in the generalization- People who say that they can't say no to their master are not saying that they're incapable of speaking the word, they're saying that the relationship they've built has such a solid foundation of trust that they don't need to say no.

They're saying that they've either negotiated "no" out of the equation by agreeing to a consensual non-consent (CNC) dynamic OR that there's no way in hell their partner would ever demand something of them that they would have to refuse. They know their partner well enough to know that he would never order them to cut off their arm or kill a dog or any of the horrible things that would elicit the use of "no." They are certain that their partner knows them well enough that he knows what orders would require a "no" answer, and he doesn't demand those things.

That kind of relationship isn't something that happens in a few messages over Skype or whatever kinky website you're using. Those are things that are established slowly, over time. Lots and lots of time.

So hang on to your "no" until you've built a relationship where you won't need to use it.

And feel free to use it on any nitwit who tries to tell you right off the bat that you can't tell him no. He deserves it... That, and a swift kick in the ass.