I love filling out online quizzes.
"Who were you in a past life?"
"What color is your aura?"
"What dog breed are you?"
Online quizzes are amusing, a good way to waste five minutes, and it's fun to share the results with friends (I'm a Doberman version of Socrates with a yellow aura, BTW. Whatever that means).
But, if there's one type of quiz I cannot stand, it's the ubiquitous BDSM quiz.
"Are you a Dom, Sub, or Switch?"
"How kinky are you?"
Would you make a "good" whatever?"
Some people do them (probably because of the time wasting and amusement factors), but there are a few who do them and take the results as holy gospel...
And the problem with these quizzes? They're mostly full of it ("it" being the steaming piles of excrement created by bovine animals), and anybody who has half a clue will agree... Though oddly, I've never seen anybody state why these quizzes should be taken with a grain of salt.
So! Here I am with a quiz I conveniently found online (all spelling and grammar errors are the author's) to illustrate why all these BDSM quizzes are pretty much worthless.
The "Are You A Good Submissive" Quiz
"Hi! And welcome to my Would You Be a Good Submissive Test. I'll be using advanced logic and knowledge to determine your true nature. Just be honest in your answers as the questions will be designed to reveal your true mental state."
1. When in a group of people deciding what to do, are you the:
Leader, no question
Discuss options and then follow
Quiet, following the others
All right. What does deciding what activity you and a group of pals want to engage in have to do with submission? Last time I checked I wasn't submitting to my friends. We don't have that sort of relationship. Sometimes I go along with what's decided, sometimes I decide... And neither of those decisions make me submissive or dominant.
(I picked option 2)
2. How would you classify yourself in terms of trying new things?
I'll try just about anything once
I might try something new
I am cautious about trying new things
I'm at a loss as to what this question says about submission. Are you submissive if you're "up for anything" or are you submissive if you're timid and reluctant to try new things? Me? I like new experiences so I'll try a lot of new things just to learn how I feel about them... But that has nothing to do with how I orient in a relationship.
(I picked option 1)
3. Which of the following classifies you?
Single
Married
Divorced
Widow
Huh? What does relationship status have to do with submitting? I'm guessing the author couldn't think of anything better to ask.
(I picked option 2, because I am)
4. At what age did you become sexually active?
10 to 14
15 to 20
21 to 26
27 and above
Someone please tell me what this has to do with being a good submissive. Please. Anybody?
(I picked option 2, and no- I wasn't jail bait)
5. How many committed relationships have you been in?
0 to 1
2 to 4
5 to 7
8 or more
So does being in a lot of relationships make you a good submissive, or does being in fewer relationships make you a good submissive? I'm missing the logic of this question (if it even exists).
(Option 2. I've had 3 serious, long term relationships)
6. How long does your typical relationship last in months?
1 to 3 months
4 to 7 months
8 to 12 months
13 months or more
Once more for the nose bleed seats... What does this have to do with how a person orients in their relationship?
(Option 4)
7. When growing up, was your mother the one who ruled your home?
Yes, she was the authority figure
No
I did not have a father figure
Is the quiz author going after some sort of Nurture Vs. Nature thing here? If so, does s/he realize that can go either way? That the child will either want to emulate the mother and become the authority figure or that it will grow up to be the partner preferring less authority? Also- There's the fact that many folks believe that nature has more to do with D/s orientation than nurture does.
(Option 1, and my folks were not at all kinky. I know because my mom talks to me about this sort of stuff... It's weird)
8. When you were a child, were you the one of the popular ones?
Yes, everyone loved to be around me
Not really popular, but I did have a circle of friends
I was a loner, not part of the in crowd
I did my own thing
Errr... So is a good submissive the lonely, reclusive outcast or the life of the party? I'm guessing the former as it fits with the Stupid Submissive Stereotype (that needs to die). Regardless, None of these things have anything to do with being dominant or submissive. I'm an outgoing, popular submissive and my Domly One is shy. Go figure.
(Option 2- I was popular enough)
9. In you’re past relationships, who controlled the finances?
My spouse or significant other
I did
We shared control
Another thing that has nothing to do with submission. Some submissives control the finances because they're better at finances than their partner is. Some submissives like their partner taking care of the finances. And some D/s relationships don't involve worries about finances.
(Option 2- My ex didn't care to have anything to do with the finances so that burden fell to me)
10. You are in a new relationship, your new significant other demands that you hand over your check every to them. They then give you a spending allowance and keep the rest. Would you:
Agree, they know what’s best
Say no way and leave the relationship
Try to convince them to share the finances but give in when they stand their ground
I'm betting that this person's idea of a "good" submissive would pick option 1. Sadly, their reasoning has to be based in poorly written erotica because it has nothing to do with reality, personal fiscal responsibility, or (wait for it...) being with your partner long enough to know that they will handle your finances responsibly.
(Option 2- Because if it's a new relationship and they're demanding this of me, I'm going to walk. Fuck that noise)
11. In an argument with your spouse or significant other, who would be the one to concede the argument?
Spouse or significant other
I did
It was pretty well evenly split
Whoever is in the wrong? Unless this person is equating submission with "spineless wimp who will just roll over and show their tender underbelly at the slightest hint of trouble"... Which is what I think they think.
(Option 3- Though we don't argue)
12. Let's say you and your spouse are trying to decide where to go for the evening, which would you say would be the most often result of the decision making process?
My spouse would get her way
I would put up a fight but then would do what she wanted
I’d put my foot down and we’d do what I wanted
We’d compromise on where we were going
Because obviously submissives shouldn't care about what they do or where they go. They shouldn't even express a preference.
FFS.
Some submissives like having their preferences heard and occasionally like doing what they prefer... Oh, the horror!
(Option 4- Cookie and I both like doing what the other person would like to do)
13. You are at work, would having a woman boss be a good thing to you?
If a woman, not applicable
Yes, like the idea
No, women aren’t to be a boss
Doesn’t matter to me
OK, this is definitely wank fodder material. It has absolutely nothing to do with submission.
(Option 1)
14. You are in bed with a significant other; they get very physical with you, slapping you, forcing you to please them. How would you react?
Love it, give me more!
I'd go along, but only so far
No way, I'd tell them to stop
It might be fun, but don't really know
But, but, but... What about negotiations and consent? Does the author realize that without those what s/he's describing is assault and/or rape? Do they also not realize that there's a difference between kinky fuckery and D/s (Ignore that, it was a theoretical question).
(Otpion 3 because, consent)
15. If a significant other told you that you were lousy in bed, how did you feel about it?
I was crushed
I was turned on
Never happened to me
Never happened to me, wish it had
Dafuq?
Seri-fucking-ously... What on Dog's green Earth does this have to do with submission? Having a humiliation fetish doesn't necessarily mean someone is submissive. Ugh!
(Option 3 *smirk*)
16. When having sex, are you more likely to be:
On top
On the bottom
We switch back and forth
Any way I want
Oh, I get it! Because some actions are inherently dominant or submissive... Which is another load of steaming large mammal droppings.
Also, am I the only one who thinks that it's a bit sad that the author only knows of two positions?
(Option 3, but with much more variety)
17. If given the choice, which would you prefer?
Having oral sex done to me
Giving someone oral sex
I think oral sex is disgusting
I'd rather be in a 69 position
Again with the inherently dominant or submissive acts. Doing something or having something done to you has nothing to do with D/s. If my Domly is licking my lady bits (giving) it's not because he's submissive, it's because he likes making me squeak.
(Option 2. I like making him squeak)
18. How would you react to this scenario? You are at a restaurant and notice a man and woman sitting at a nearby table. She is clearly in control of the man, treating him like he is expected to submit to her. (If you are a woman, switch the roles.)
I'd think he's a wimp, a real loser
I'd think that he's lucky to have a woman like that
I'd wish that I could be in his place, that my date would do that with me
I'd find it offensive that she would be doing that to him
You know what? If someone was putting on an obvious enough display of kink in a public place, I'd tell them to knock that shit off. I don't consent to be part of their scene/dynamic when I'm out for dinner, nor do any of the other diners at that establishment. Fuck them for being rude.
(Option 4- I find it offensive that they'd be rude enough to foist their kink off on non consenting viewers in a vanilla place)
19. If given the choice, would you prefer for your significant other to make decisions in your home?
Yes
No way
Maybe, some of the time
This might actually have something to do with submission! Holy hell! It's the first question to address the question the quiz asks!
(Option 1)
20. You are alone with your significant other in the bedroom, how would you like them to treat you in the bedroom?
Let me have my way with them
Have them tell me what they want me to do
Share our desire for each other in a equal basis
Tease me till I beg to get relief
And now we're back to confusing kinky fuckery with D/s...
Bottoming to your partner (preferring them to do the funs stuff to you) does not mean that you're submissive.
(Option 1 because I'm a submissive who likes to bottom during kinky fun times)
21. Your significant other want to tie you to the bed, do you:
Agree readily
Agree with some reservations
Say no way
Tell them that they can do whatever they want
Oi, quiz writer, liking to have kinky fun (topping or bottoming) doesn't have any bearing on orienting as a submissive or a dominant.
(Option 1 because I'm a submissive who likes to bottom during kinky fun times)
22. Your partner wants to bring someone else into the bedroom with you two, how do you react?
Say no way!
Tell them you do not like the idea but go along with it
Tell them that you will do it for them
Hey, more the merry, right?
Ahhh... Because all "good" submissives enjoy having multiple partners, right?
Monogamy and polygamy (also being "open") doesn't have anything to do with authority exchange.
(Option 1 because we're monogamous)
23. In your most private thoughts, does the idea of someone else controlling your life, your pleasure appeal to you?
Yes
No
Sometimes
Oh! Here's the second question that's pertinent! Who has authority in the relationship! BINGO! Now you're talking about D/s!
(Option 1)
24. Have you ever been in a relationship with a dominating or controlling significant other?
Yes
No
Sometimes it was
Just when I was getting hopeful...
Dominating and controlling are adjectives, they don't necessarily describe someone who is a Dominant, they could just as easily describe some abusive assweasel, and I'm sure the author does not mean to imply that an abusive assweasel is any sort of respectable Dominant, right?
(Option 1, with consent and negotiation)
25. If you were involved in a relationship like that, did you find that you enjoyed being the submissive one?
Not applicable
Yes
No
Most of the time I did
(Option 1, with consent and negotiation)
26. Have you ever been restrained by your significant other?
Yes, was great!
Yes, but I did not really get into it
No
Wish they had tied me up
I'm done beating this dead horse. The author is never going to understand that there is a difference between kinky fuckery and D/s and that you can have one without the other.
27. If you were to be punished by a dominatrix, what should she use to keep you in line?
A severe spanking
Force me to clean her shoes with my tongue
Sit on my face until I beg for release
Refuse to see me or talk to me for three months
This implies that:
A) All submissive enjoy Funishment,
B) or want a punishment dynamic
C) That all "good" submissives will share those particular fetishes
(Option 3 because it was the closest thing to "Fuck this noise, Imma going home")
28. How often do you like to have sexual relations?
1 to 2 times a day would be great!
Once or twice a week would be fine
Once to three times a month
I don't need sexual relationships
There are loads of D/s relationships that do not include sex.
They can include sex, but they don't have to.
Sexual appetite has nothing to do with hoe submissive someone is.
Ugh!
(Option 2 was closest to what I'd prefer)
29. Have you ever had a toy used on you by a significant other?
Yes, I wanted them to use it
Yes, but I was not the one to suggest it
No
They wanted to use one, but I said no way
I give up.
(Option 1 because I'm a submissive who likes to bottom during kinky fun times)
30. Of the following, how would you rate your tolerance to pain?
I cannot tolerate much pain
I can tolerate some pain, but not to extremes
Some pain is ok, but when I say stop, STOP!
Love feeling physical pain
Not all submissives are masochists.
Not all masochists are submissive.
Submission does not need to involve receiving pain, dominance does not have to involve inflicting pain.
(Option 3)
MY SCORE-
A Little Submissive, 19 submissive points- (Whatever that means)You are showing more submissive tendencies and you may want to explore those feelings further. They may be able to be drawn out by an intelligent dominatrix.
"A little submissive"...
And yet, here I am in a 24/7 D/s relationship that's about to head into its 7th year... But I might just need to visit a dominant to develop further as a sub.
Bwahahahahaha!
And this is why BDSM quizzes should be used for fun, not for informing a person of where they land in the Kinkyverse, because they're meaningless bits of fluff, often written by people who don't have any sort of clue, and for the most part have absolutely nothing to do with D/s.
No comments:
Post a Comment