Apparently I bought this book ages ago and then promptly forgot about it, until the other day when I went off to do laundry and forgot to bring a meatspace book and had to resort to my Google book shelf for amusement.
Now, having finally read it, what can I say?
"Ugh" sums it up quite nicely.
It starts of with a little "quiz":
What's your BDSM IQ? True or False:
Submissive women have low self images.
Dominant women grew up in abusive households.
BDSM play is controlled by the dominant partner.
Dominant partners abuse and hit their submissive partner.
There's something "off" about people who enjoy BDSM.
After slogging through a few pages of assorted blather which sounds like something that should be inside the dust jacket on a regular meatspace book, you get to the answers, which is where my twitchy Something Stinks nose starts happening and my brain can't help but insert annoyed, red thoughts..
Submissive women have low self images.
False- The reverse is actually the case.
True AND false. Submissive women are just women and have the same issues as every other women on the planet. Some of us have a great deal of self confidence and some of us struggle with our self image.
Dominant women grew up in abusive households.
False- Their childhood's are just like everyone else's, some good, some bad.
Wait, I thought that submissives were the ones who had horrid childhoods. You've got your stereotypes mixed up there lady.
BDSM play is controlled by the dominant partner.
False- Nope, the submissive partner is actually in charge.
Nope. In that context, both partners are equally "in charge" as they both have equal abilities to end a scene. Beyond that, a bottom who is playing with a service top might be in charge of what happens, but submissive who is playing with her dominant (where an Authority Transfer dynamic has been established and agreed upon) may have little to no input in what happens during play.
Dominant partners abuse and hit their submissive partner.
False- Not at all. It's about causing intense sensation leading to pleasure.
Ugh. Some D-types do hit their partners (S&M) but it is not abuse. Some D/s partners have no interest in "intense sensations". Regardless of that, abuse is not something that happens in a healthy, consensual dynamic. (dunno why the water was muddied with any mention of "hitting" in the first place, not all abuse is physical after all)
There's something "off" about people who enjoy BDSM.
False- Normal people practice BDSM, people like your neighbor, pastor, or cousin.
"Normal" is only a setting on your washing machine.
So there was that bit of half truths (half falses?). Meh.
Next came a "helpful" glossary of common BDSM terms (The BDSM Dictionary for The Curious Woman)...
It was about as helpful as a swift kick to the head when you have a migraine headache as it consisted of very few words to define and the author's interpretation of what those terms meant. I may or may not have rolled my eyes so hard that one of them popped out of my noggin and was ingested by the dog.
Also Included in This Section: The lazy author's trick to writing less and filling empty spaces- Random quotes from random people. Not so bad in a long book, kind of a HUGE waste of space in something that has under 60 pages.
I slogged through some more blah blah blah and hit upon this gem, "A scenario in which a submissive wife is forced to expose her pussy, bottom, or breasts briefly (flashing) to a passing strange is perfectly acceptable..."
No! No it is not! It does not matter if the Dom and sub BOTH consent to this action because guess who hasn't consented? The stranger who is being included in your kink without his or her consent! THAT'S NOT ACCEPTABLE. And you know what's going to happen if that stranger finds it as unacceptable as most informed people in the kink community do? You're going to get slapped with a public indecency charge. Oooo, so kinky and fun...
More lazy "writing" (aka filler), some kinda crappy artwork, a few more oddly defined terms and I hit upon another gem:
"As I mentioned above there are two roles in BDSM- Dominant and submissive."
So... You've been doing this how long and you're only aware of two roles in BDSM? Because I've been doing this for close to 20 years and I can think of quite a few more than two.
Master
Slave
Owner
Pet
Pony
Daddy
Mommy
Little/babygirl
Top
Bottom
Brat
Primal
Switch
... Only 2? Geez. Fet's drop down menu lists 62 options for roles in BDSM, and that's not all of them in use, just the more popular ones.
"...It isn't about being friends..."
You know nothing, John Snow.
Cookie is my best friend. I wouldn't be involved with anybody in a BDSM dynamic without them being a genuine friend. It may not be about friendship FOR YOU, but for quite a few of us, IT IS.
Then, more filler in the form of a BDSM checklist (not very comprehensive and much, much, much better ones are available for free all over the internet).
Then, how to be a "good" submissive, which is only going to work out well if your dominant partner has an interest in you behaving in the way the author describes (mine does not and he laughed when I read those ideas to him).
An injunction that even if you don't like something you should do it anyways because submissive.
Admonishments about safety, with "safe calls" and giving a potential partner's name to a friend being Super Dooper Foolproof Safe (It's NOT!)
And you know what?
I give up.
I didn't pay much for this "guide" (and thank Dog for that), and despite the fact that its pretty cheap I'd have to say that the free info you can get from Novices & Newbies on Fetlife is about a million times better (at a very conservative estimate).
And it's not that the book is so horrible (though plenty of it is horrible), it's just that it's so incredibly dumbed down or blatantly innacurate or painfully One True Wayish that the information in it isn't worth paying for when you can get better, more accurate information online (again, for FREE).
So, save your cash and give this "guide" a pass.
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