Diary of a Submissive
Last year a few of my online buddies were raving over Diary of a Submissive. Not wanting to be left in the dark I meandered my way to the nearest Barnes & Noble's to get a gander at this phenomenon (and to buy an over-priced coffee drink). Despite the fact that it was a story supposedly based on the life of a "Real Life" submissive, Sophie Morgan, I had my doubts about how palatable the book would be, and how well it would represent the life of a "real" submissive.
Thumbing my way through the prologue (I'm not going to buy a book, especially not a brand new, pricey one without seeing if I can stomach it first) I felt my nose do that thing it does whenever I smell something unpleasant or I've just been annoyed beyond comprehension. Cookie calls it my Disapproval Face.
My first thoughts, as I made my way through the opening paragraphs where the author outlines an encounter in a public area (an alley in the evening) written in second person narrative were:
"OK. Involving non consenting bystanders in your kink is NOT hot. It's rude."
"Ugh. This is soooo not my kink."
"I really, really, really hate second person narratives."
"My submission looks nothing like this."
"This is dumb. I'm not buying it."
And I set the book back on the shelf, picked up my over-priced coffee drink, and wandered off to see if Diana Gabaldon had released anything new.
Fast forward to yesterday when Cookie was involved in some pow-pow-kill-the-honey-badger action (courtesy of Far Cry 4) when I crawled out of bed and I was left to my own devices as far as amusement went. I trolled Google Books for something to occupy my time, saw Diary of a Submissive in my recommended list, thought "What the hell. If it's stupid I can have fun eviscerating it later," and shelled out 12.99 to read a book I didn't want anything to do with previously.
To my ever-lasting surprise, I liked the book. Once I got past the stupid effing prologue (with even more pinched nostrils, frustrated sighs, and heavy eye-rolling), and the author stopped doing the much-hated Second Person shit, that is.
The Good:
I can honestly say that I like Sophie. I like her style of writing, I like her personality (probably because I see a certain amount of similarities), and I think she'd be an awesome person to share a pint with. She seems like a really neat person.
I loved that she wrote about her childhood- A happy, well-adjusted thing with loving parents and no trauma (because the "You must have had it rough in order to want to submit" stereotype also needs to die).
I liked how insightful she was about her motivations, her responses, and her feelings regarding her submission, her play, and her partners.
I liked that she made me laugh.
I really liked the fact that she stressed the importance of the vanilla aspects of a relationship as much as she did the kinky shit.
Also, what she wrote made me think. Not about kinky shit, but about my thoughts and motivations regarding D/s. Thinking is a good thing in my book.
The Bad:
Diary of a Submissive was not a left hand read for me, which is kind of what I expect when I pay for a book that includes erotic material. It also left me bereft of any new play ideas which was a total bummer.
The play scenes were extremely well written, explicit, and would probably "do it" for folks who are masochists, pain sluts, and get off on humiliation- But that's not me. At all. And since pretty much every scene in the book that was erotic was not my cuppa... It was a disappointment that I didn't even get a little bit moist reading all that kink.
The Ugly:
There were a few major things for me that went beyond bad into the realm of ugly.
First, the reoccurring theme that in order to properly submit one has to do things that they really don't enjoy- and not just "don't enjoy" but actively despise.
Second, there were a few mentions of submission automatically meaning that one must accept pain (and perhaps she meant that strictly for herself, but that's not the way it read). Not all submissives are masochists, not all masochists are submissive.
Third, I was really troubled by the author's stubbornness. I get being stubborn, it could be my middle name, and I get wanting to "win" in a way by making it through whatever is happening... But it's a reoccurring point regarding safety in the Kinkyverse that a safe bottom will call their safe word. Someone who refuses to safe word because of stubbornness, or not wanting to disappoint their top, or whatever reason isn't someone I'd think I could play safely with.
But, all in all, as a peek into the life of one "real" submissive, it was a pretty good book. I'd recommend it, not as learning material, but as an opportunity for people to get a glimpse into what submission means for Sophie Morgan.
And now, THE FUGLY:
This is at the end because it has nothing to do with Sophie's book, but is solely the fugliness of reviewers, marketers, and other assorted nincompoops.
Sophie is pretty clear in her book that this is just ONE way that a person can engage in a D/s relationship, that this is what works for her and she's well aware that it will not work for everybody. despite that though, plenty of people out there are going on and on about this is what "Real" submission is, this is what ALL submission looks like (or should look like), and that's just not true.
While some folks might dream of engaging in a relationship dynamic that mirrors Sophie's, there are plenty of people who don't. There is no "One True Way" to submit, and it kind of annoys the ever-loving fuck out of me that the inept, clueless, and money-hungry are billing this book as a glimpse into the lives of EVERY submissive female out there, and that there is a One True Way to do WIITWD.
*sigh*
Read the book. Enjoy it. Squick. Whatever.
But don't think that this is how it is for all of us, or that this is the way you have to do WIITWD because it's not.
You do you.
End of.
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