Seriously, it's pretty awful.
It's so awful that you'll all probably throw virtual rocks at me and drive me from the Kinkyverse and I will become a sad outcast wandering the Vanilla cosmos alone...
I am not a True Submissive (tm).
I know, I know. Here I am claiming to be a submissive and writing this blog and I'm not even true. I'm some sort of counterfeit submissive who pales in comparison to the real thing. A knock-off. Faux.
I tried to deny the truth of the matter for a long time, but mounting evidence to the contrary makes the charade impossible to continue. I cannot live a lie any more, I am (apparently)... Not True.
Gasp!
I have to come clean, and in an effort to do so I will list my shameful faux submissive sins (in no particular order).
Squeaky's Terrible-Horrible List of Faux Submissive Sins:
1. I am not a natural submissive.
I wasn't born knowing the 128 Slave Rules, the Positions a True sub should instinctually assume, and my first words were not "Yes, Sir." Right off the bat I failed to be true. My own mother confirms this as fact by saying that I never begged for my bottle, I demanded it in a very non-submissive sort of way. Usually with angry howls and a glare. She says I was a contrary child.
2. I don't enjoy service.
Everybody knows that True Subs love serving people. Their sole purpose in life is making others happy. I knew my best friend was a True Sub when we went out to dinner and she felt compelled to begin waiting tables in order to speed up service and make the other diners happy. It wouldn't have been that bad if she hadn't done it while kneeling.
3. There is stuff I just won't do, no matter how happy it'll make my Domly One.
A true sub doesn't have limits because they trust their Dom and their Dom's happiness is the very most important thing to them ever. Domly doesn't want to eat yet? They'll wait dinner, even if the children are starving. Domly wants butt sex? Despite that recent anal fissure and bout of Ring Of Fire Diarrhea, they'll comply. A true sub will do the shit I won't which is a blatant sign of my untrueness.
4. Altruism has never held any appeal to me.
To be a true sub you really have to enjoy being a altruistic. You have to be happy serving with no positive feedback because True Subs don't need praise or rewards for a job well done. Their Dom's happiness is reward enough and if it isn't and they're unhappy then they're not really true. I personally like being told when I do something well. I like positive reinforcement. I like getting rewards... I'm so not true.
5. My Domly isn't the only thing I think of.
A true sub thinks of their Dom at all times, "The first thing to enter a submissive's mind when they wake is "what can i do to help Him/Her today" and the last thing through their minds when they go to sleep is the joy that they have served well." Not to mention at all times in between, too. True subs never think of themselves, ever. And as part of this confession I have to admit that I spend a great deal of time thinking about things other than Cookie. Especially first thing in the morning. Then I'm usually wondering if I'm out of Diet Dew or not.
6. I don't like pain.
"True submission means going above and beyond...giving until it hurts"... Right there- Failure.
7. Endless lists of rules and regulations don't send me into a frenzy of submissive glee.
It seems that all the True Subs have insanely long lists of rules (that they undoubtedly memorized within 13 minutes of first reading it), and they all seem to post these endless lists on their blogs to show off how their trueness can be directly correlated to the length of the rule list. Meanwhile, sad faker that I am, I only have one rule: Cookie is the Boss.
8. I don't post those "Guidelines for Subs" things that are so popular with the True Subs.
Nor have I posted and raved about the Submissives Creed, the 9 Levels of Submission, or any of the other popular writings about what makes a True Submissive. That in itself is a pretty good indicator of how not true I am. In my defense I did take that BDSM quiz... But then I laughed at the result. Oops.
9. I don't have "slavish tendencies."
I don't even know what that means. What the hell are slavish tendencies? True Subs are supposed to have them and I have no idea what they are... Just more proof that I'm not true because if I was then I would know what slavish tendencies are. I'd have been born knowing, I bet.
10. I make mock of anything that dictates what a True Submissive is.
I just can't seem to help myself because it's so silly. It's about as silly as saying "This is what makes a True Human" and then giving a list of things that only some humans like to do... Me? I think a True Human is human. I think a True Submissive submits. That's it. There's not list, no guidelines, nothing that will make some people feel superior and others feel inferior.
A True Sub submits.
That's it. If you submit, you're a True Submissive- All the other shit is just stage dressing.
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