Whenever a submissive ventures into the Kinkyverse either online or in real life they're going to be inundated with messages from D-types trying to impress them into submitting. It's pretty much a given.
One of the tactics most often used to impress a newbie (or even an experienced submissive) is the Domly Resume. You know, the part of the message where Mr. Impressive states something along the lines of "I've been a Dominant for 10 years and have had many submissives!" That's the bit they're counting on the submissive going googly-eyed over because, "Ooo! Years of experience! Multiple submissives!"
Hell, it's often so "impressive" that many D-types feel the urge to include that info on their profile- "Hi, I'm Master Uber True Dom and I've had 10 years of experience and many, many submissives. Entire battalions of submissives. I'm impressive, be impressed by me!" That way nobody misses out on the opportunity to be impressed by their awesomeness, including other less impressive D-types who will pale in comparison.
There's a way to look at that and see it as a positive- For example if you look at it like a sport and the guy is saying "I've been racing cars for 10 years and have lots of trophies" that's kind of impressive because if he has that many years of experience and some trophies he must be pretty good at that whole turning left while going fast thing, right? It's a reasonable assumption to make and one people make about a lot of things- More experience is better, more people experienced is better, more is just better.
Problem is: That paradigm doesn't stand up when it comes to relationships and that's what D/s is to a great many people- It's a type of relationship. Sure, it might be casual and no-strings, it might be a Friend With Benefit deal, or it might be headed to the alter... But it's a relationship between two people (or more, to be fair) and in that instance, more isn't always better.
So if you start thinking about "I've been a Dominant for 10 years and have had many submissives" in a relationship kind of way, and not a sports-related kind of way, where does that get you?
"I've been in a D/s relationship off and on for10 years and have many Exes."
How impressive does that sound, because that's what they're telling you; They're letting you know that they've been in relationships and for some reason those relationships have ended. Not so impressive now, is it?
And OK, maybe it might be sort of impressive if they told you "I've been a Dominant for 10 years. One relationship lasted 4 years, the other 6 and both relationships ended on good terms because we wanted different things so there were no hard feelings, we're all still friends." That at least gives you an idea of how much time they actually spent in a D/s relationship, how those relationships ended, and that he might be a decent sort of guy if his exes are still on friendly terms with him.
But Mr. Impressive from above? What if his 10 years of "experience" actually means that he had 12 week-long relationships in the space of 10 years? 12 weeks of experience isn't exactly the same thing as 10 years, is it? And what's more- What if those 12 ex-submissives all hate his guts? His impressive resume isn't impressive any more. In fact, it's a bit laughable for how unimpressive it is.
Or, and this is even better (as in funnier), maybe his 10 years of "experience" means he's been surfing porn in his mom's basement for 10 years and he's had three online relationships that didn't last very long with submissives who wouldn't piss on his gums if his teeth were on fire... Incredibly unimpressive, isn't it?
And that's why I wrote this, because there is a bit of social pressure to be impressed by numbers that in themselves mean nothing among members of the Kinkyverse. A lot of people feel like they have to provide their bona fides in order to be taken seriously as a Dominant or submissive- Heck, even I've felt the urge to throw mine out there as a way of saying "See, I really do know what I'm talking about!"
But when it comes to having a relationship with someone? Those numbers are nothing to get excited over and they're certainly not enough information by themselves to use as a factor in deciding to submit to someone.
So just keep that in mind if you're ever in the market to Dom Shop- When someone comes along and says "I've been a Dominant for 10 years and have had many submissives!" They're not really telling you anything, much less anything that ought to impress you.
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