Munch Madness.

Is March Madness still a thing?
I remember hearing about it all the time when I had cable (it has something to do with college hoops, right?) but since I don't have cable any more I'm a bit out of the loop. Anyways, I've been hearing a lot about Munches on the interwebs lately and seeing that it's March I thought I'd take a crack at being witty. Ha ha!

Yeah...

Anyways, munches.

One of the most common forms of advise given to newbies who are looking to meet real life people is to attend a local munch. It's sound advice, a munch is usually a pretty low-stress, laid-back event where you can indeed meet other real life kinksters to make new friends.

But often when the advice is offered "Go to a munch" is all that's offered, and that's a bit lacking for the newbies who may not have ever heard about a munch before. So...

What is a Munch?
A munch is an event held for local kinksters at a vanilla venue, usually a diner or restaurant. Some munches are held in locations with a private room so the attendees can have some privacy, others are held in the main dining area.

What happens at a Munch?
People socialize.
Because a munch is held in a vanilla venue there is no play or overt kinky activity.
At muches where the event is held in a private room or area people may feel more comfortable expressing their dynamics, you might hear s-types use titles for their partners that they may not use if seated with the restaurant's vanilla patrons.
There might be a topic of conversation; some munch leaders like to introduce specific things for the group to discuss.
Odds are good that a few folks will eat dinner.

How do people act at a Munch?
They act like people getting together for dinner and conversation.
Munches are a No-Protocol event because of their location. Couples may use their own public protocol if they have any, but new people and people attending solo are not expected to act in a certain kinky way: S-types do not have to use titles for D-types, D-types do not boss around random submissives.

How people act at a munch is very similar to how they'd act if they were going out with vanilla friends.

What should I wear to a Munch?
Most munches have a vanilla dress code because they're held at vanilla venues, so you'd wear the same outfit you'd pick to go out to eat with your Grandma or your vanilla best friend at that establishment.

What doesn't happen at a Munch?
Overtly kinky activity.
Nobody at a munch is going to break out a flogger and start beating someone with it. The s-types are not going to be groveling on the floor, nobody is going to kneel to anybody else, in short- Nothing will happen that might make the vanilla folks nervous if they saw it.

Kinky activity may happen later in the evening, but if that sort of play is planned it will be at a kink-friendly location or perhaps someone's home. You are not obligated to attend unless you want to. Sometimes those vents are invitation only, or only include munch attendees who have been to X amount of munches (because the group may want to get to know you before including you in play events).

How do I find a munch?
If you're on Fetlife click: Places
Find your state (for me that's Michigan)
That will open a page with events in your state, groups related to your state, and a listing of cities in your state.
When I click on my city I get a listing for groups related to my city and the pages for a few local munches.

Alternatively, you can use the MALL Directory to see what events are listed in your area:
http://findamunch.com/

I haven't used it, but it seems fairly easy to navigate from the look I just had.

How do I know what Munch is right for me?
There are a few different kinds of munches so it may take some exploring to find the group that suits you best.
In cities large enough to support multiple munches there may be a TNG Munch (generally for folks under 35), a Submissive's or Dominant's Only Munch, a Munch for the older generations, a General Munch... Group Specific Munches are great because they can focus more on the things that interest that group, or they can provide you with an opportunity to meet people who share your interests.

What if I'm shy?
I'll let you in on a little secret- Despite my verbosity on here and on Fet, I'm painfully shy. Social Anxiety is something I'm very familiar with. So walking into a much alone (Cookie was working) for the first time was pretty difficult. So I do have some helpful tips for dealing with shyness:

Get to know your much group/s online first. Introduce yourself, get involved in conversations, and if you're really concerned about not knowing anybody send the Munch Leader a message. You won't be the first person to do this, and if your munch leader is aware that you're new and nervous they can make sure that other members know to be especially friendly to the new person. They want you to have a good time so that you'll come back.

Something else to seriously consider- All of the people at the munch were new there at some point, too. They all know what it's like to be the person who walks into a room full of strangers so most (if not all) of them are going to make a point to introduce themselves to you and put you at ease. Many of them will try to include you in their conversations. Of course you'll need to make an effort as well, but if you can't think of something to say, smiling and nodding to show you're paying attention and you are involved works wonders.

I'm a submissive and I'm worried about some random D-type getting bossy...
I'm not going to lie, random D-types will show up at munches looking for "fresh meat" or to "score." It happens.
When it does, it's perfectly OK to say, "I'm not interested" and move on. If the random D-type doesn't take that rather obvious hint to get lost and keeps bothering you, most of the people in the room will respond if you tell them you need help ditching a D-type who isn't getting the message.
And honestly, that's all some random D-type can do at a munch- Be a pest. It might be annoying, but it's not really something to be worried about. They can't actually make you do anything that you don't want to do.

I'm a D-type, what should I expect?
The same thing your submissive counterpart can expect- Good food, good conversation, and hopefully some new friends. If all goes well you'll be treated with the same common courtesy that every human being deserves.

Will I meet my One True Love at a Munch?
Anything is possible.
People have met their significant other at a munch, but munches are less "Meat Market" and more "Meet Market". It is possible to meet the D or s-type of your dreams at a munch, but generally it takes time (much like anywhere else), and if you're looking to hook-up or have a nice little one night stand? That can also happen, but it's not something I would bank on.