It's become part of the norm to share our lives in pictures on the internet. We take pictures of the places we go, the people we see, the things we do, what we eat, and the funny things our pets and kids accomplish. From sunrise to sunset (and beyond) our digital shutters click and we upload everything from the mundane to the extraordinary. Pictures have become an important part of how we connect with each other.
So it's not surprising that when a person joins a site life Fetlife (for example) they often wonder what pictures are appropriate to share, and how much of their life (and themselves, sometimes) they should show off. And they ask questions. Lots and lots of questions. Like these:
It seems like everybody's naked. Do I have to get naked too?
Can I get naked?
Do I have to show my face?
If I show my face what's the worst that can happen?
Can I post pictures of my garden/pets/kids/cupcakes?
What can't I post pictures of?
Do I have to post a certain kind of picture?
If a Dom asks for my picture should I send him one?
What about "naughty" pictures? Should I send those?
Lots of questions... And because I'm bored (and waiting for Cookie to bring home the Sausage Egg McMuffins) I thought I'd have a go at them.
It seems like everybody's naked. Do I have to get naked too?
Nope. It may seem like everybody on the BDSM websites are showing off their birthday suits, but appearances can be deceiving. Plenty of people choose to remain clothed or at least partially clothed for a multitude of reasons. Some people are modest, some people's relationships don't include sharing nude photos online, some people want to save that sort of thing for their Significant Other, and some have (wait for it) a clothing fetish.
The only thing you have to do is what you feel comfortable doing.
Can I get naked?
Of course you can, unless you have a rule in your relationship that it's not allowed... Then you might want to talk about your partner about it. But in general, if the website allows nudity you can get as naked as your little heart desires.
Do I have to show my face?
A lot of people like being able to put a face to the name of someone their communicating with, and many folks have no problem showing their faces in the Kinkyverse... But if you're not OK with that for whatever reason, no. You can keep your identity a secret. It's your profile, you get to share what you want to share.
If I show my face what's the worst that can happen?
The worst?
Well- Someone you know could recognize you.
That might not be bad, I've recognized a few people and I've never said a word about it to anybody.
Or it could be bad- Especially if being outed could get you in trouble with your employer, family, or the law. People have lost jobs, custody of their kids, and lost relationships after being outed... So weighing the potential risks is something you might want to consider.
Can I post pictures of my garden/pets/kids/cupcakes?
For the most part you can post anything your want, and honestly- I love seeing the vanilla parts of people's lives. It tells me something about them... But there are things you cannot post pictures of and included in that list for many, many BDSM related websites are pictures of children. So save those pics for Facebook.
What can't I post pictures of?
In the TOU (Terms of Use) for most websites, or located somewhere in the user agreement there will be a list of things you can't post- Usually those things are ones that include minors, illegal activity, and activities that are prohibited on the site itself. Checking the TOU and/or User Agreement should clear it up for you.
Do I have to post a certain kind of picture?
Nope. Even if everybody on the site is posting a picture of a daffodil in bloom (because it'll be Spring soon, I hope) and using that as their avatar, you don't have to post one too.
If a Dom asks for my picture should I send him one?
Only if you're comfortable sharing a picture with him. Remember, this thing that we do is all about consent- If you don't want to do something, you do not have to do it. And if he insists and ignores the fact that you're not consenting to send him a picture, you can feel free to ignore him. Or yell at him. Or send him a picture of your dog's latest BM... Whatever seems fitting.
What about "naughty" pictures? Should I send those?
Aging, this is a decision to base on your comfort level- If you're comfortable sending someone your picture, go for it. A lot of people find sharing nakkie pics a hot and sexy thing (I know I've sent my fair share to Cookie).
But an important thing to consider is how well you know the person you're sending a picture to- Can you trust him not to share it with his buddies or to sell it on one of the pay-for-porn sites? If you can't trust him to not be shady, but you still want the sending pictures sexy fun, you can always crop your head out of the picture or wear a mask to protect your privacy.
On a similar note- Many people use programs like Skype to enjoy sexy times via webcam, so it might be useful to know that those sessions can be recorded and shared... And just like a picture, once a video on the internet it's there forever.
Or you could always take a friend's advice: she says, "If you want to share something, think about what your grandma or pastor might say if they saw it- Because they could."
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