Do you know that feeling, the one where when you discover something new and exciting you want to know everything about it all at once, and then put everything you know into practice right away, because it's so freaking cool and neat and kickass and awesome? In The Land of Submissives that's known as "frenzy."
Frenzy, that drive to have it all and experience it all RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND, is something that many submissives seem to go through. And that's understandable considering that this D/s thing can be very exciting (for many of us it is a fantasy come to life). It's the honeymoon phase of the relationship you'll have with D/s where everything is shining and perfect, much like how vanillas call the first few months that you're seeing someone new the honeymoon phase of your relationship. And then, once you've had enough time with D/s things settle down and become old hat. You get used to it and that drive to experience everything right at this second in time fades away.
Not all new submissives will experience frenzy, and I think they're lucky in a way because without the craziness they're probably gathering information and knowledge in a more logical manner than someone who's battling a wild woman that lives inside her head and is yowling "Submit! Get me the sexings! I want a collar NOW! Nownownow!" That chick is an evil harpy and she makes you want to do stuff you know is just plain nuts.
But until things settle down for those who get a case of the frenzy, frenzy is something you should be aware of so you can watch your reactions to things and ask yourself, "Am I acting like a fairly sane, well-adjusted woman or am I acting like a raving lunatic who is making poor choices?" Eventually it will go away and you'll go back to your normal (a relative term for most folks) self. Until then be careful of yourself.
In a thread about frenzy that was posted in a group I visit ("Submissive Women" on Fetlife), this is what I had to say:Did you have any sub frenzy when you were new?I sort of had it, but seeing as I was married to a painfully vanilla guy there wasn't really much I could do about it.
If so, how did it manifest itself?I wanted to know everything there was to know and I went off the information deep end. I lurked on every web page I could find that had anything to do with D/s.
What were your particular symptoms?Reading, reading, and more reading. Skulking about on yahoo chat and using poorly written erotica to get my fix. Having particularly epic, and kinky, day dreams.
Did you make poor decisions?Well, not really. But there are some stories that I kinda wish I could unread.
Did you need to try out all and try it all NOW?Totally. I just never got the chance.
Did you see a collar as the ultimate goal and accept one "too early"?Back then I did. Had the "OMG! Collar!" frenzy too.
Of course, back then, having no outlet for this sub side of me, and being married to vanilla-boy... Kinda put a bit of a damper on the frenzy. The only outlets were reading and skulking about on various sites. In retrospect, it was a very good thing as I couldn't do anything stupid and the end result was that I ended up with a whole lot of information; some bad but most of it very good, and I had time to figure out what I really wanted from a relationship.
Back then I wanted the Super sub thing- Being perfectly obedient, a horribly bossy and domly Dom, 24/7 micromanagement... Things that today would drive me stark-raving, certifiably nuts in a matter of minutes. Having the enforced hiatus, well, I got perspective. Figured out that although I really did want the Dom, I wanted one who'd value and appreciate all of me and wouldn't want to have me be something I wasn't.
So by the time Cookie came around, and we figured out that we were both interested in some sort of power exchange (because we started out vanilla)- I wasn't frenzied and looking for Uber Dom, I was looking for someone just like him, someone who complimented and completed me not the fantasy I had of myself and D/s way back when.
This is from another person in that same thread, where I was just a little nuts, she went completely nuts- Thankfully she survived her frenzy and learned from it, she's a smart lady and I really liked what she said so I'm sharing it with you:
Did you have any sub frenzy when you were new?God yes! I thought I had suddenly discovered the end-all and be-all of my entire personality and everything I ever wanted and it was amazing and so good and awesome and how could I ever stop. If that sounds frantic, it's suppose to...that's just about how I was. I found the original castle realm site and thought I had uncovered buried treasure!
If so, how did it manifest itself?
Being as young as I was, I had issues keeping this part of my life hidden from the people who didn't need to know. Most of those issues arose because I wasn't careful. At all. At one point, I actually got on a bus and traveled around 200 miles to meet with a man and his wife who wanted a third. Only after getting there did I discover that part of their interest in a third was a Nanny for the 1 year old daughter that they intended to raise as a slave. Gah! Had to call my mom to send me a plane ticket back home!!!
I was such an idiot. I met men, and women, who I honestly (looking back) did not know nearly enough about. I allowed myself to be in situations, more than once, where someone could've killed me and no one would've had a clue where to look. I would've just disappeared.
What were your particular symptoms?Stupidity, mostly. I can't say for sure if it was all frenzy, or a mixture of frenzy and immaturity, but I'd be willing to bet on the latter.
Did you make poor decisions?Oh yeah!
Did you need to try out all and try it all NOW?Yes!! I needed to know, feel, see, hear, etc....EVERYTHING....and I needed it yesterday!
Did you see a collar as the ultimate goal and accept one "too early"?Yes, of course. Isn't the ultimate goal in the life of a submissive person to be completely owned and never have to make another decision as long as she lives? /insert sarcasm
I accepted more than one 'too early', quite a few online, which is stupid. A couple in real life, which is also stupid, considering I did so within weeks, and at the most, a few months, into the relationship.
Needless to say, none of those relationships worked out. However, I did learn from them, and I never would've listened to anyone who tried to tell me I was doing it wrong back then....it was all everyone else's fault, the fake masters, the lying sisters, etc....It took a long time for me to accept that it was my responsibility to protect myself, and that I was being hasty and stupid.
Frenzy is a strange thing, and can affect each submissive differently, or not at all. The key thing to remember is: Everybody who has experienced it has come out the other side eventually, but it's up to you to make sure you come out of it whole and healthy.
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