As you meander through the internet and skulk about forums, chat rooms, and websites devoted to Dominance and submission there are a few titles other than Master, slave, Dominant, and submissive that you stumble across. These folks are mentors, protectors and (the ever dubious) trainers.
Some of these people will honestly want to help you out as you learn the ropes (pun intended) of submission but there are a few unscrupulous sorts who'll use mentoring, protecting, and training as an excuse to boss you around and get wank material from you for free. A rather pertinent fact to remember when dealing with mentors, protectors, and trainers is that "Nobody ever does anything for free" why should they invest time and effort in you for someone else's benefit and get nothing in return?
So what is a mentor?
They're someone who'll offer support or advice when needed, answer questions when you have them, or point you towards resources that can help you answer the questions on your own. A mentor could be a Dominant, but personally I think it makes more sense to have another submissive be a mentor as another submissive will understand where you're coming from because she was once a newbie on a journey too (that and another submissive won't have an ulterior motive).
How do you find one?
I suppose if I were in the market for a mentor I would pay careful attention to the folks in groups that I belonged to online and people I might have met at munches. I would see who seemed to have their shit together, whose dynamic looked like something I was interested in emulating, and most importantly for me someone I felt I could relate to. Then, I'd probably send this Paragon of Subly Virtue a nice missive explaining that I really liked what they had to say and I was wondering if when the time came that I might have questions, could I seek advice from them, or if it was a real life person I'd ask them if they'd be willing to offer me advice when I needed it.
What should their role be?
To me a mentor is like a Big Brother or Big Sister. They're not in it for sex or wank fodder or to act like a Dominant towards you, they're mentoring because it gives them pleasure to be able to help someone new learn what submission and D/s is about. They're people who have knowledge to share with the folks who need it.
What should they NOT do?
I really don't think that a mentor should have any authority over a new submissive, because it's too easy for that person to then take advantage of the newbie. I have seen and heard of this happening with skeevy sorts of dominants who prey on a newbie's inexperience. I firmly believe that anybody who espouses the "REAL & TRUE WAY OF DOING STUFF AND THINGS" ought to be kicked to the curb, ASAP, because there is no "REAL & TRUE" there's just what's right for the individual and the people involved in a particular relationship.
What has been YOUR experience with them?
None. I've been in a big sister role, which is why I base my ideas of what a mentor should be- A compatriot. All of my learning about BDSM has come from books, life experience, and the submissive ladies I associate with through internet forums whose words I relate to and who I feel offer the best advice for my personal style of submission.
Why would you want one?
I suppose I might want a mentor if she had knowledge that I didn't have and couldn't learn on my own.
Do I need a mentor?
Only if you think that having a mentor would add to your education and experience. Not everybody has mentors because not everybody feels that they need them.
What is a Protector?
Usually a protector is just someone who has your back. It's a friend who is willing to watch over you and help ensure that you're safe. Mostly I see protectors as an online entity and I really don't get the point of it- If someone is bothering you online it's very easy to hit the BLOCK button so they can not longer pester you. Much easier than tracking down your friend, saying "So and so is picking on me!" and waiting for your friend to send the idiot bothering you a Very Angry Message (Ooo, anything but that!).
Ideally, if you're old enough to be involved in this life you ought to be old enough to be able to tell someone who is annoying you to get lost. If you can't do that and you need to run to a protector to hit the IGNORE button for you... Yeah. That's kinda sad. You might be a submissive but you're not a wimp.
What is Training?
Training is a fancy concept for learning what your dominant likes and expects from you. Most of us have done this for years with our vanilla boyfriends- We learn what meals they like, we learn how they like us to wear our hair, we learn what best pleases them in bed.
Do I need training?
Honestly, no. Learning how to be a competent submissive is not rocket science. You might have to learn things that are new to you, but in general it won't be anything that will require something as involved as "training" to grasp. As long as you have a firm grasp of manners and common courtesy, you're good to go.
Lord Master of The Universe Sir Fatpants has offered to train me, should I accept?
If you want to waste you time, feel free.
I say this because no Dominant is going to be able to train you for another Dominant (unless he's a psychic and knows exactly what your future Dominant might desire. And if you do find this magically psychic trainer can you have him send me the winning lotto numbers for next week's drawing?). No two Doms will want or enjoy the same things... I could have gone and had myself trained in Super High Protocol Uber Kneeling Skillz (yes, there's a "Z" at the end of skills because without that "Z" it would be impossible to express exactly how mad my skills would be), but it would have been a waste of my time because my Dom doesn't care for such things, he's a very laid-back kind of guy.
Also, most random Dominants who might offer to "train" you are just looking for someone to boss around who will give them wank fodder (really, they do need to see you stuff a giant cucumber in your hoo-ha on web cam to be certain you're being properly trained in the exotic and nearly lost art of cucumber scromping. *scoff*). They'll tell you that the things they'll teach you will help you find a Dominant of your own, but that's just a line. The only thing they'll really teach you is not to trust shady Dominants bearing offers of training.
Finally, when you do find a Dominant, he'll be more than happy to let you know exactly what he likes and expects from you. If you need to learn some fancy position for giving him a hummer he'll show you. If he wants his shirts folded a certain way, he'll let you know. If he likes his meatloaf made without onion... Well, I'm sure you get the point.
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