How To Train Your Dominant

Much like your average submissive, even the "natural" ones, Dominants are not born knowing everything there possibly is to know about the Kinkyverse. Just like submissives Dominants also get to experience the joy of the learning curve where it's entirely possible that they'll feel Clueless, then slightly clued-in, then confused, probably another bout of clueless mixed with confision, and then finally (at some point) they'll "get it" and everything will click for them.

Until that happens one of three things will occur:
1. They'll stay single while they sort their shit out.
2. They'll find someone just as clueless as they are to bumble along with.
3. They'll find a more experienced submissive who may already have a clue.

This post is for Option Three Dom's submissive partner because for reasons I cannot grasp there is an awful lot of angst about more experienced submissives showing their newbie Doms the ropes- Bad pun intended.

Not so much from the Doms in question- I've actually yet to see a newbie Dom wander into a forum and angst over his submissive partner showing him the lay of the land. Most of the angst comes from the submissives because there seems to be this notion that sharing knowledge somehow equates to being in charge of the relationship in their minds.

To me that's about as silly as saying "I'm Domming my best friend when I show her how to make tasty Oreo Balls!" Because, you know, I'm not domming her. At all. I'm just sharing a skill she doesn't know yet.

It's the same thing if you're helping your Dominant learn about BDSM- You're not domming him, you're sharing a skill he doesn't have yet. In fact, you might even go so far as to say that you're providing a valuable service by helping him out... And everybody knows that service is one of the subly virtues.

Of course part of this might depend on your method of imparting your wisdom...

"You know Dear (or insert your favorite term of endearment/title here), I know you wanted to learn more about rope-work. I heard that The Knotty Boys' books are very helpful. Perhaps I could pick one up for you the next time I'm at the books store?"

Helpful, pleasant, a suggestion- Not an order... Paying attention to his interests? Seems pretty submissive-friendly to me.

Now if you went for this approach:

"What!? You mean you don't even know how to tie a double-hitch-clover-backwards-monkey paw-knot? Are you inept!? Geez! Put your hands behind your back so I can show you, you lack-brained peon..." with a heavy sigh, lots of eye rolling, and mutterings about how your last Dom wasn't such a failure at Domliness?

Yeah. That might not go over so well (though I do know a few submissives that would work well on).

There's a difference between being their super-awesome submissive who will happily help them out and being an evil harpy who will give them nightmares for the rest of their life. A little tact, a little consideration, and you too can help your Dominant learn without feeling like you're training your Dominant.