Consent & BDSM

Consent is a HUGE part of what we do. It's part of the two BIG acronyms that kinksters use to set the ethical parameters of BDSM and to inform the practitioners of BDSM or what is and is not allowed in our community. We take a great deal of pride in our commitment to consent in our relationships and our community and people who practice real non-consent (not to be mistaken with consensual non-consent) are often seen as the scum of the earth.

The first acronym is SSC. It stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. It's important because it's how a lot of people play. The second is RACK or Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Some folks like it better than SSC because it's often argued that what we do isn't exactly sane and that there's always some level of risk involved in kinky play so it's better to say "I'm aware of the risks" than to say safe which isn't always possible.

Either way, consensual is a constant. It's always there, no matter what the dynamic, no matter what the play, no matter what title the players adopt; Consent is where it's at.

Without consent the roles we have in BDSM and our play become something ugly.
A hit with consent is play, it's something that the person being hit agrees to or desires. Without that person's consent that hit becomes assault or abuse.
A person who has consented to being used sexually by their partner no matter what is participating in a dynamic they helped create. A person who is used sexually without their consent is being raped.
A person who consents to an M/s dynamic is part of a relationship they agree to, that fulfills them in some way. Without that consent BDSM "slavery" becomes and illegal and despicable thing that thousands upon thousands of people have suffered through and fought against.

And this is why consent is so important; It defines BDSM as being a good thing, a fulfilling thing, a desired thing. It makes the distinction that BDSM isn't the horror show that many vanillas perceive it as.

But the most important distinction it makes IMHO is the fact that without your consent nobody has any right to do anything to you or make any demands of you.

A D-type can send you a message out of the blue and proclaim that you are now his possession (you can't stop him from sending the message), but until you consent to be in a relationship with him you do not own him anything. You do not have to obey him, you do not have to call him by some title, you do not have to put up with abusing language or behaviors.
Without your consent he's just another guy with no power or authority over you.

A D-type can call you dirty names and demand sexual favors or pictures (again, you can't stop him from typing out idiotic twaddle and hitting "send") but without your consent he has no reason to expect you to comply and if he does he's a twat who needs to get a clue.

A D-type can say, I want your bank account numbers, I want you to gang bang my friends, I want you to move to BFE... He can want in one hand and shit in the other, but until you consent to anything he wants the hand holding his poo is the only one he can expect to fill up.

Do you see where I'm going with this? Do you see how important consent is? Until you consent they have no authority. Without your consent all they can do is make demands, they're paper tigers. And without your consent if they actually *do* anything to you, you are well within your rights to start legal proceedings against them.

Consent makes a difference.
You are the only person who can give your consent.
Without your consent it is not BDSM, it is not SSC or RACK.
Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

Disclaimer: This is extremely over-simplified but it was the only way I could figure out to express the importance of consent and WIITWD. If anybody has any ideas for expanding on it, feel free to make a suggestion or do it yourself. Hopefully someone finds this useful.