Training (Fantasy Vs Reality)

Who hasn't had a really, really (and I mean REALLY) hot fantasy about being trained? Honestly, if I had to guess I would bet that it was one of the more popular wank fodder fantasies out there- The Uber Domly Dom doing all sorts of awful (and titillating) things to your poor, helpless sub-self in order to turn you into the bestest, most perfect, submissive creature to ever crawl the face of the planet.

And you know why it's hot? Because even though this Awseomely Domly Dom is doing all these things to you- You're the one directing the action. Even though the fantasy is about you not being in control- You are. You decide what happens, you create the scene, the punishments, the dialog- It's all you.

So it's no wonder that the newbies join the BDSM world and hear things like "You need to be trained" and they're all about it- It's such a hot fantasy what could possibly go wrong in real life?

So, your your edification and information: A reality check.
Sometimes, fantasies are best left as fantasies.

Now, do yourself a favor and ask yourself these two simple questions:

What is it, exactly, that you think a "trainer" can teach you that the Dom o' Your Dreams can't?
Trust me on this one- If it's important to the Domly you eventually meet and submit to- He'll teach you what he thinks you need to know.
He'll tell you how he expects you to submit, what titles he prefers, what play he likes... If he thinks that it's important, you'll eventually know and earn about it. If you're both compatible, odds are good your lack of "training" won't be a deal-breaker.

How can a "trainer" be able to predict what the Dom o' Your Dreams will want you to know?
Simple answer- he can't.
No trainer on the face of the earth will be able to accurately predict what your eventual Dominant will require from you.

An example: Pretend you've gone through months of extensive training. You've learned all the slave positions, you've mastered the art of anal sex (with and without lube), you never look a D-type in the eye, and you've become extremely skilled at giving your trainer BJs on command. Also, pretend you were not thrilled about any of these things in real life. They're not what you thought you'd have to do in your eventual relationship, but you learned them because the trainer said you needed to.

Now, envision that you've finally met the Dom o' Your Dreams. he's everything you ever wanted. He's a great guy, has the same kinks as you do, and is kind to small children and animals... There's just one problem- All those things that you "needed" to learn- Your Dream Dom hates them (except the BJ thing, he's totally cool with that). What Dream Dom wants you to know is how to make him his idea of a perfect coffee in the morning, he wants you to be a witty and charming companion who cuddles on the couch with him, he hates anal with a passion.

What about that training? You just gave away BJs and anal sex to some guy because he said you needed to learn that stuff. You learned a lot of crap that's useless in your relationship.

So here's a word to the wise- When someone tells you that you need to be trained, or some Trainer offers you his services (purely out of the goodness of his heart), ask them this before you agree- Ask them, "How can you predict what my future Dominant will require from me?"


If they give you some BS answer about how all Doms like the same thing- Run fast and far.
If they cannot answer, run fast and far.

Then, train yourself by reading everything you can get your hands on. Keep what you think will work for you and discard what won't.