What Does It Mean To You?

There's a poll posted that asks what sort of s-type people identify as and what that label means to them. Because I was getting ready to run the roads with my mom (our belated mother's day trip, we spent mom's day in the ER) I just gave the easy answer- That being a submissive means that my partner is the person with more authority in our relationship. It's a pretty generic answer though, and there's nothing very personal about it because of how generic it is. I mean, it's one of those answers that can apply to pretty much any D/s relationship; That the D is the one with more authority.

So I'm not satisfied with it. I don't like easy answers. They don't require much thought. They're very bland.

So today whilst wandering around the HUGE antique store I pondered. I pondered while eating really great Chinese. I pondered while driving and then stopped when some hooplehead did something stupid and tried to kill me. Now I'm home and pondering some more... What does submission mean to me? Hmm...

I suppose it means that I trust him, not only with my safety when we play but with the decisions that effect our life together. I trust him to use his authority wisely. It means that he trusts me to speak up when his judgment fails and he wants to do something silly- Which adds to my ability to trust him because he recognizes that he's fallible.

It means that I get to play the role that feels most comfortable to me. I'm perfectly able to take the lead on things, it's sort of something one needs to be able to do on occasion to function well I think, but if I'm honest- I do better in a supporting role. I'm an executive assistant, 2nd in Command, the Riker to his Picard. I take care of the little shit (and sometimes the big shit) so he doesn't have to. I can call the shots, I will call them when it's necessary, but being his submissive- That means I don't have to call ALL the shots.

Another thing it means is that in this relationship I can orient in the way that most fulfills me- As a submissive. In all of my other relationships I've been the partner with more authority- Maybe because I picked guys who didn't want to be in charge or maybe because they thought that I wanted to be in charge- I don't know. But I know that those relationships were never right for me. They were all great guys, just not great guys for me. And then Cookie came along and I don't know how he saw it, but he understood that my personality and my relationship orientation were different things (he's a smart guy, my Cookie).

And speaking of personality and orientations- Submission, to me, means that one does not have to be the same as the other. I can be a snarktastic, out-going, karaoke rocking, ass-kicking, type A control freak and also submit in a relationship. I have a dominant personality and a submissive orientation.

What else does it mean? Hmmm... For me it means I get the wild kinky monkey sex. That's pretty awesome. It means I get to be his warrior princess (yeah, that's kinda cheesy, but it gives him a tickle in his potty knowing that someone who could kill him whist hog-tied and blindfolded will submit to his man whims).

And there's probably more, but the food coma is kicking in and I think I'm going to lump and digest and play some farm saga game on FB.

Also- I blame any disjointedness on the impending food coma. I should not write and digest at the same time.