For eons it has been suspected by submissives that the DimDoms have had a super-secret book that dispenses all the knowledge that a fledgling DimDom needs to learn before he can add the much-coveted "True" and "Real" (or "Real AND True") labels to his title. In vain we searched for this hidden tome in an attempt to break the DimDom silence and more than a few brave submissives lost their marbles in the attempt to locate this manual (which is a shame because now I'll never win that cat-eye off them that I so coveted).
BUT! Just as the Subversive Submissive Stealth Squad was running out of volunteers and marbles, The Book landed in the lap of one of our operatives (really, the DimDom carrying it tripped, lost his grip on it, and it sailed across the room to land in her lap). Finally, after years and years, we can reveal the reasons that the DimDom mentality is so prevalent! So, without further ado, we at the SSSS are pleased to present our fellow submissives with the Guide to True and Complete Domliness and Stuff.
The Guide to True and Complete Domliness and Stuff
Written by: Lord High Mighty Super Uber Supreme Grand PooBah of Domliness, Master Sir Bob McAwesomepants
I welcome you, young fledgling DimDom, to the wide, wonderful world of Real and True Domly Enlightenment. In order to make your quest to find a real and true s-type I have written this guide to be your companion as you navigate the Kinkyverse. May the DimDom gods smile upon you, and may their farts always be down wind.
Lesson One: How To Be Real and True
1. You are the DimDom, you are always right and never wrong. If anybody attempts to tell you that you are wrong you should ignore them, point out how untrue/unreal they are, use baffling leaps of logic that are not at all logical to prove your point, or put your fingers in your ears and sing "LAlalalalalala" until they go away.
2. You are the only person whose opinion matters. Feel free to express yours at every opportunity while deriding anybody who has the audacity to find flaws in your Supreme Written Brain Product. Their opinions do not matter because they are not Real and/or True DimDoms.
3. You are entitled to tell everybody that you are better than they are because you earned your title from The Accredited School of DimDom Theory. You may also make up some arbitrary and false number of s-types that you have trained/owned/sold on the black market to back up your claims of superiority. Even if it's not true now, it will be eventually.
4. Everything you see or read in porn is entirely feasible and you should expect your s-type to gladly gang bang 75 line backers while making you dinner and signing over her checking account five minutes after you first meet her. She is, after all, only an s-type and her opinions do not matter because you're the DimDom and she's not.
How To Find an s-type.
1. Don't be picky. Any s-type will do as long as her identifier starts with an "S". Even "dommes" are just s-types in disguise. In fact, if it's female and has a pulse it will do. You can always trade up, s-types don't have feelings.
2. Pay no attention to that pesky "relationship status" thing many websites have. It doesn't mean anything, and when faced with your glorious DimDom self, how will any female be able to resist you? She won't. But, if she's misguided enough to try you should insult her true/realness and/or insult her D-type. s-types really dig that shit.
3. Another thing s-types cannot resist (and if they try to resist it they're dumb and wrong) is poorly written missives filled with insults and grammatical errors. The more your letter resembles text-speak, the more eager they'll be to throw themselves to the ground in front of you to grovel at your feets.
EXAMPLE: NeEL 2 me NAO!1!eleven!! IM UR lrd an MSTR! sUK my cawk drtey sluT-hore-WHOLE!
If it's at all possible to sound any more ignorant than that, you should. The s-types LOVE that shit.
4. If your chosen s-type fails to respond it is because she is so over-whelmed by your attentions that she has forgotten how to type. You should send another message right away demanding that she send you naked pictures/videos of her banging a cucumber/the numbers to her banking accounts/SSN.
5. Demand that all s-types call you by your Very Important Real and/or True title. You deserve respect because you're a DimDom.
Making Your Online Profile:
1. Your photo options should be a blank box or 749 pictures of your cock. The s-types don't need to know what you look like to be impressed by your True and/or Real DimDomliness.
2. Your profile information should either be non-existent, brief and poorly written, long and poorly written, or the length of a novel full of bullet points, big words used in the wrong places, and diatribes about how much everybody else sucks in comparison to you.
3. Never friend Dominants or other DimDoms, their jealousy will cause them to poach your harem of s-types. Only friend s-types. The more s-types you can friend, the better, because they'll be jealous of each other and will compete to please your most idiotic demands. You can even make a game of it, it will be epic.
4. Avoid joining groups where serious discussion, learning, or anything meaningful takes place. Stick to groups about how big your cock is, fuck or pass games, or meat market forums. Post in as many of these groups as possible to show what a desirable and popular guy you are. It will impress the s-types.
...Sadly, this is where the book becomes illegible due to what appears to be semen and peach Suave conditioner, but based on what we were able to salvage, it's clear that the DimDoms have indeed been operating from the same source material. With this knowledge we can more effectively battle their moronic ineptitude in our groups, forums, and favorite kinky websites.
Sincerely,
Squeaky,
Super Secret Stealth Subversive Submissive
SSSS
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