How To Train Your Dominant

There's so much bunk floating around on how s-types "need" training so, you know, we can be "good" s-types. But the thing I never see is the fact that Domlies don't spring fully formed and perfect into the BDSM world and perhaps they could benefit from some training as well. Cause the way it stands now, any Twit can go buy himself a flogger and proclaim "I Am DOMLY!" and the submissive trolls (thanks for that sweetcheeks) will fall over themselves to reinforce that idea. So, without further ado I give you:

Squeaky's Handy Dandy Guide to Dominant Training
(In no specific order what-so-ever)

1. Buying a flogger and a set of furry handcuffs does not make you a Dominant. It makes you a guy with a flogger and a set of furry cuffs who doesn't have a clue.
In order to get a clue you need to learn about stuff, like this: Handcuffs, even furry ones, suck balls. They're made for the police to restrain criminals, not for Domlies to use as a bondage implement. Why? Because they cause damage. They hurt (and not in a good way). They're more likely to cause nerve damage than leather cuffs or rope. So put them back in your toy box and buy a nice set of leather cuffs (preferably with rolled edges) or go out and buy one of The Knotty Boy's Books- They're EXCELLENT.

In fact, there are a bunch of decent books about Dominance out there. Go pick up a few (the folks at Barnes & Noble don't give a damn about what you're buying, so don't even try to use that as an excuse), join a few groups geared towards novices and D-types. LEARN SOMETHING.

2. Giving yourself a title does not make you a Dominant.
Well, I suppose it does in a way, but not in the way you're thinking it does. It doesn't make you God's gift to the s-types, it doesn't give you any rights over them, and it doesn't give you an excuse to act like a prick. It sure as hell doesn't mean that you can get in our s-typey pants just because you want to.
All it does is make you A dominant, which means jack to everybody except the submissive trolls and they're not who you should be taking pointers from. And while you're A dominant, you don't have any authority over anybody but yourself. You want some real authority, find yourself a nice s-type that you get along with well and then you can be her Dominant.

3. Dominant does not equal Jerk, Misogynist, Asshole, etc.
Acting like you were raised in a barn is a sure way to NOT impress the ladies. And yeah, some of us s-types might like our Dominants to be bossier than what we'd put up with from a vanilla guy- But they're not bossy to the point of being complete social rejects. D-types DO say thank you on occasion. They have been known to hold coats, doors, and pull out chairs. They express appreciation and acknowledge a job well done. In short: Dominants can, and often do, have nice manners and display courtesy.
Quite a few people LIKE a person who can do the pretty. Some don't- Some really get off on the misogynistic asshole vibe... But until you know who's who it's a good bet that you'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

4. Being a Dominant doesn't guarantee you shit.
If you think it does you've been hanging around the submissive trolls for too long.
You are not entitled to any of these things from any s-type other than the one(s) who consent to be yours:
* Obedience
* Sexy Time Play
* Any Play
* Being referred to with your preferred title
* Sexy pics and/or videos
* ANYTHING someone doesn't feel like giving you.
(Do you see a pattern there?)

5. TRUE and REAL are BS terms.
There is not "real" and there is no "true." Those are terms used by people who want to manipulate someone by playing on their insecurity, or who are insecure themselves.
There is compatible and there is incompatible.
When you encounter some s-type who doesn't express a great deal of joy at doing whatever you want her to do because she has no interest in that or you, that's not the time for you to throw a hissy fit and say "You're not a true sub!" That's the time for you to be an adult and say, "OK, well I guess we're incompatible."

6. Learn to control yourself.
D/s, M/s, whatever- It's not ALL about controlling someone else, it's also about self control. And if you can't control yourself, how can you expect to control someone else?
-The same applies for s-types: If you can't control yourself, what makes you think someone else will be able to?

7. Real Life seldom resembles Porn.
Pron is written or produced with one goal in mind- To get your rocks off. That s-type who just loves being gang-banged by 50 linebackers? The s-type who can turn herself into a human pretzel and stay that way for hours? The one who likes a fist in every orifice? The ones who do the really freaky-deaky shit without batting an eyelid and even seem to be enjoying it?

Yeah... They're getting paid for that.

The rest of us? You might be able to find someone into all that, I'm sure she exists some where out there, but expecting all of us s-types to do the stuff you watched on Super Slutty Submissive Skankbots last night, or expecting it from a baby seal? Dude, you need to get a better grip on reality.

We don't all like the same stuff, we won't all do the same things, and expecting that we will is about as logical as thinking Spock would enjoy watching The Bachelor. And that's why it pays to actually TALK to us s-types before going all Dom-Fu on our asses. Figure out if we like the same things you like (compatibility), figure out if we're interested in the same kind of dynamic you are (more compatibility), figure out if our dream is a kinky 50's Leave It To Beaver episode with 2.5 kids and a house in the 'burbs or a Fully Equipped Dungeon complete with Uber Dungeony Over-Lord where talking isn't allowed and slithering like a snake is the only approved form of locomotion...


8. I'm so full of shit.
If a megalomaniac like me can say that, then so can you.

But seriously, a lot of that stuff up there^^^ Doesn't impress the s-types, it pisses them off. And if you piss them off they're not going to want anything to do with you. So pay attention. Oh, and that cock-shot avatar you're rocking? Ditch that. We've all seen weenies before, yours isn't anything special unless we're fond of it's owner.