Snark!

Romanticized drivel that I took exception to, because taking exception to 2nd person twaddle is what I do. Stuff in astrix are the original missive.

*I know what you crave.*
Enlighten me then.

*You crave a man who craves your skin; your face; your smell, your taste; your body; your voice.*
Nope. I'm more interested in someone who thinks my brain is the best thing about me.

*You crave a man that gets lost in your eyes every time that you talk.*
Actually, I'd prefer one that pays attention to what I'm saying.

*You crave a man that stares at your cleavage and craves your loving warmth.*
Really? What about my eyes?

*You crave a man that walks in a room and all that he notices is you.*
Because him not noticing the dog on the floor and tripping over her is so hawt.

*You crave a man that kisses your tears and feeds them back to you on his lips and tongue.*
Um, ew?

*You crave a man that makes you fall to your knees when he stands before you and feeds you his cum.*
Not so much.

*You crave a man that cradles your head in his lap and whispers your name.*
Nope, my hearing isn't all that great. No whispers for me.

*You crave a man that grabs your hair and kisses you hard.*
Sometimes. Not in the morning though. Dragon breath is not sexy.

*You crave a man that overwhelms you with kisses and overpowers you with his love.*
No, no I don't.

*You crave a man that knows how you feel by just one simple look.*
I do? Funny, I thought I didn't crave pretentious, know-it-all twats.

*You crave a man that carries you in his arms and tucks you safely into his bed.*
Strike. I prefer a guy without a massive hernia.

*You crave a man that lifts you off the floor and fucks you hard up against his wall.*
Actually, I prefer a bed. So much more room to maneuver.

*You crave a man that dresses you up and then rips the clothes right off of your back.*
I don't actually crave having my wardrobe destroyed.

*You crave a man that lets you cry in his arms and tells you 'everything will be alright'.*
Because I'm some pansy-ass who cannot get over shit on my own? No.

*You crave a man that walks into your life and turns your world upside down.*
I have kids, a job, a mortgage, and bills. Upside down was never an option.

*You crave a man that makes you hang on his every word; every look; every smile and every kiss.*
No, I don't.

*You crave a man that makes you grow addicted to his love.*
Oh, because that's at all healthy?

*You crave a man who craves you and your love in return.*
No. I'd rather be a want than a need.

*You crave a man that makes you feel like this.*
I don't but hey, thanks for thinking you can speak for everybody out there with your pretentious twaddle.