I'm jumping up and down with snarky glee. I'm pretty sure someone CTRL+C'd this because I saw it on Fet the other day, but it landed in my inbox this evening and the potential for a verbal reaming is so high that I had to share the joy. So now, for your edification and amusement, I present you with The Most Massive Missive Fail EVAR.
Your Master loves you, and is proud to have you as a Slave.
Well, he does love me and he is proud of me but you got our titles wrong- I'm a submissive and he's my Domly One. But if you'd read my profile you'd have known that. You'd also have known that I thrive on snarking about crap like this, it just makes my day. But hey, thanks for deciding that I looked like a likely recipient for this inane twaddle, I guess it's sort-of-but-not-really-flattering.
Swearing service to your Master carries with it the following rules which MUST be adhered to. Any deviation from, or violation of, these rules will be dealt with strictly and without question or discussion.
Without question or discussion? Lemme guess, you're not a real life player, right? You like the interweb fantasy thing? Cause guess what pal? That right there is a honking huge red flag. Some douche who'd rather inflict punishment than talk and try to fix the issue isn't worth the electricity it takes to power his computer so he can pass along this drivel.
=====
Your behavior reflects on your Master's reputation, therefore you are to conduct yourself appropriately both in AND out of his presence.
Good thing my Domly thinks that my snark, cussing, and other various forms of unpleasantry are appropriate then, otherwise he'd be SOL. I am who I am and nobody gets to dictate otherwise to me.
Any bracelet or necklace you may be presented with must be worn AT ALL TIMES. If you MUST remove it in special circumstances (such as in the shower, around kids, etc) the moment you are done with that activity, you MUST return it to your wrist/neck.
Which one is it? AT ALL TIMES or not, cause you can't have it both ways, or are you purposefully being wishy-washy so you can have some trumped-up excuse to execute one of those discussion-free punishments you seem so fond of?
You are only to address your Master as “Master”. Your title has been chosen as Lovebug.
Ah-hahahahahahahahahaha *gasp* Hahahahahahahahaha.
Sorry guy, but unlike you, a person who obviously lives in his own little wank fueled fantasy land, I exist in the real world. Even if Cookie did have some desire to be called "Master" it would be a cold day in hell before I used that title in front of my kids, family, friends, or the general public. And "lovebug?" Seriously? You don't even care about the submissive you're looking for if you think that she's going to want some random, generic term of endearment with no connection to her applied to her.
Orders from your Master are to be carried out immediately. If you do not obey the order you will be punished for such neglect.
And you'd be on the receiving end of all that neat-o self defense stuff Uncle Sam taught me if you tried to pull that shit. Again, this is real life, D/s sometimes isn't the priority. Kids come before kink, work comes before kink, LOTS of things come before kink- And unless you want to pay for a nanny, pay to keep me in a lifestyle I am accustomed to, and somehow magically disappear anything that might bump you from my to do list (or any submissive's to do list) good luck with that.
At times you will be charged with a “task” which will be accompanied by terms of completion. (for example a time frame or set of terms required for completion) These are also to be carried out respectfully.
Again with the absence of reality business... Honestly, get off the internet and work on getting a clue. This isn't some online fantasy roleplaying game. We have lives and priorities that come before kink. Even those of us who are 24/7 have shit that sometimes gets in the way of kink- But you wouldn't know that, would you? Kinda hard to have a clue about real life when you spend all your time in your mom's basement tugging on yourself in front of the computer.
Orders and tasks are to be verbally responded to with “Yes Master”.
Not likely. I'm much more inclined to roll my eyes, sigh in a long-suffering manner, or laugh.
Upon waking each day, you will contact your Master by any means possible... the acceptable methods are Text, IM, or Phone Call. If you have a camera phone you are to send a picture of yourself each morning after getting dressed for the day. This is to make sure that your Master approves of what you have chosen to wear. You may only choose which method to use unless otherwise ordered the night before.
Upon waking I will pee, have a ciggy, wake up the kids and get them off to school. AFTER all of that, if I think about it, I might (and I stress might) feel like texting. If I don't, you're once again SOL. And no, I will not make sure my clothes are approved, I'm a big girl, I've been dressing myself for 30 years, I know how to put together an outfit appropriate to an occasion.
Masturbation is not a restriction. You are to inform me of it's start and climax. (text or IM me when you start, and when you cum). If you forget one of the messages, you will be discplined. Exceptions to the 2nd message are interruption, or inability to cum. In those cases you are to text and explain which one happened.
Well don't you just know how to kill a mood? Nothing's sexier than destroying the spontaneity of a good wank or the after-glow with a report about it.
Punishments are at your Master's discretion. Suggested punishments are always taken into consideration, but once the punishment has been set, there shall be no further discussion. Resisting a punishment will only be answered by more stern discipline. So... It's uncool to try and discuss the root of a problem, but cool to "suggest" punishments? Boy oh boy, you're going to make some chick on second life feel very lucky one day. *scoff*
And yeah, that's it. Some unrealistic drivel that some unrealistic prat probably thought was EPIC and AWESOME because this is what all submissives like because we're interchangeable and totally not individuals.
*SNORT*
No comments:
Post a Comment