"So... I think I did something wrong. But I'm not sure? My Uber Domly Dom has stopped talking to me- I think he's giving me the silent treatment but I don't know why. Help?"
I you've spent any significant amount of time on a message board geared towards s-types you've probably seen a post (or eleventy-billion) like that. Some submissive is getting the silent treatment for some unknown infraction and it's having a rather negative effect on her well-being. It seems to happen often enough that one would think quite a few D-types keep this particular trick in their bag and I cannot help but wonder "why?"
What's the purpose of leaving someone in the dark about what they've done wrong?
How effective is a consequence that doesn't do anything to solve a problem or correct future behavior?
What's the point of it?
Seriously. Most folks (rational, mature sorts of folks) see a problem in their relationship and they want to resolve it. They want to talk about it and try to prevent it from happening again, and if they have a punishment dynamic they impart some consequence to try to deter the problem from happening again.
But this passive ignoring business, how can any of that happen when A) The problem is not addressed so the s-type seldom knows what they've done wrong, B) There's no attempt to resolve the problem before inflicting the silent treatment, and C) The only lesson taught is "If you fuck up in some unnamed way I'm going to ignore you and make you feel unsure, insecure, and uncertain."
It just doesn't seem all that healthy to the individual experiencing it or conducive to the health of the relationship. So again I ask "Why?"
My personal opinion is that D-types (and vanillas too) use this because it's the lazy option. Instead of communicating they're just going to absent themselves in some way from the relationship and their partner for some unspecified amount of time until they feel that their partner has "Learned their lesson."
The problem with that being- How can someone learn a lesson when you won't tell them what they're supposed to be learning in the first place? It just seems so immature, illogical, and silly. The sort of thing you'd expect from a high school girl who is overly fond of drama, not an adult. Certainly not from an adult who has claimed responsibility for the well-being of another person, a responsibility they're abdicating by causing their partner mental turmoil.
Meh. This is all just something I thought of when reading a post today by yet another Baby Seal- The stupidity of it and the pointlessness of it all. My logical brain boggles at how illogical it is to use not talking about a problem to solve a problem.
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