Pushing Limits

I see the sentiment "People should push their limit" often in the Kinkyverse.

To some extent I can understand that- If someone never goes outside of their comfort zone how can they discover what they're capable of? I think it's a good thing to want to expand one's horizons and try to become the best person they can be. I think it's a laudable endeavor to want to stretch one's boundaries in a quest for self-improvement, fulfillment, or whatever other positive outcome can result from a foray beyond what is known and comfy. If you don't try, you'll never know- Right?

So I had to do a bit of thinking about what it is about the sentiment expressed above that sometimes makes me cringe.

After some reflection (and a ciggy and a can of Diet Dew or two) I came to this conclusion: When I see folks talking about pushing limits I rarely, if ever, see them discuss things like mental health, physical safety, the motivations for wanting to push limits, or the distinctions between soft and hard limits.

The statement is usually just expressed as "You should push your limits" and stops there, which I think creates the potential for a bit of a train wreck- Especially for Baby Seals or Domlies who are new to being a Dominant; the folks who might not be aware of the fact that not all limits need to be pushed, prodded, poked at, or otherwise tampered with.

I feel that the statement can also foster an atmosphere of unhealthy competition- Think about it for a second... If you're fairly new and still learning about BDSM, if you've got some limits in place, but you're still in that place that makes you question your worth because of your newness and you see someone say that you should push your limits, how might that make you feel?

Like you're not quite "good enough"? Like you ought to be doing more so you can keep up with more experienced submissives or s-types who have less (or different) limits than you do? There's an underlying message that if you're not pushing your limits or allowing someone else to jab at them with a stick, that you're doing it wrong- But without experience, self-awareness, and knowledge base to know why a limit is a limit, or if pushing it is even a good idea... Add to that the fact that the idea is often used by unscrupulous D-types to manipulate a newbie into doing things they don't want to do or are not ready for.... Train wreck.

Honestly, I don't think "You need to push your limits" is a statement anybody needs to be making to another person, about any aspect of that person's life. If someone wants to push their own limits, if they want to try more new things that they're maybe not comfortable with, I feel that they're perfectly capable of figuring out that some limit pushing might be in order- But it needs to be their idea, their desire, and done at their pace so it can be a safe, healthy, and fulfilling experience.

But that's just me and I'm a big fan of having a healthy respect for other people's limits because they're not my limits to screw around with. I sure as shit would not want to say "You should push your limits" and then have someone get harmed because they didn't know how to do it safely, or that they didn't need to do it at all. I wouldn't want that responsibility on my shoulders... Do you?