Your Lifestyle is not my Lifestyle.

When I was a wee young Squeaky, back in the 80's, I remember hearing the word "lifestyle" all over the place- Though mostly in relation to selling people shit they didn't need because the shit was geared towards their "Lifestyle." I also remember thinking, "Well THAT'S a stupid word. Who needs a stupid word just to feel special about having a life? Sheesh."

So, you know, by the time I discovered the Kinkyverse and started meandering my way around it I already had an issue with one of the words that it seems folks like to whip out the most often.

Lifestyle.

Bleh.

Here in the Kinkyverse that word just annoys me even more than out there in Vanilla Marketing Land. Out there it's just a buzz-word, here though it gets turned into some sort of Twue, Holier-Than-Thou, You're-Doing-It-Wrong, indictment. I mean think about it: When do you ever hear it except when someone is passing judgment on someone else or trying to set themselves up on some Super Special Snowflake pedestal?
"Well so-and-so doesn't know what it means to be in The Lifestyle."
"They don't understand how beautiful The Lifestyle is."
"That's not what The Lifestyle is about."
"I'm part of The Lifestyle."

It's always said like that too- "The Lifestyle," as if there's just one way to do it and if you're not doing it that way then you're not a "Lifestyler."
(There's another word that gets my dander up).

Hey, I get that people like to feel like they belong to something which is why sites like this (This was written on BDSM friendbook.com) that are geared towards "The Community" thrive. People like knowing that they're not alone, that other people understand them, it's a very human thing this belonging business. So I'll give them the community thing- Because what is a community but a group of people who interact with each other? But the lifestyle thing? No.

Here's why:
A lifestyle typically reflects an individual's attitudes, values or world view. Therefore, a lifestyle is a means of forging a sense of self and to create cultural symbols that resonate with personal identity. Not all aspects of a lifestyle are voluntary. Surrounding social and technical systems can constrain the lifestyle choices available to the individual and the symbols she/he is able to project to others and the self.

A "lifestyle" is about the individual and their personal identity, and that makes sense. It is, after all, the style you live your life in- YOU and YOUR. It is YOUR way of life, and there's a whole hell of a lot more to that than just your Dynamic or your kink. It also includes your cultural influences, your religious beliefs, how you raise your kids and pets, your job, your income, vanilla play, your education, intellectual pursuits, the tech you use, your home... The list goes on and on, but the gist is- Your lifestyle is about you.

"We" do not have a lifestyle. We my have similar lifestyles depending on a lot of factors, but they're not going to be the same, and "similar" is not enough to be able to lump everybody who practices BDSM into one cohesive group. It's not enough to be able to make a definitive statement like "You don't understand The Lifestyle" because, quite frankly, there is no "lifestyle" that applies to us all. Especially when you consider that the one similarity we all have in common, that we practice some form of the BDSM acronym, isn't even all that similar- We all do BDSM differently.

So hey, don't be so eager to throw away your individuality on some silly word that makes it sound like you belong to something but actually means diddly-squat after you give it some thought. Your lifestyle is not my lifestyle; And personally, I think that's great because it give us a greater freedom to be whoever we want to be in whatever way makes us happy.