My Submission Isn't a Gift

I've seen a weird increase in the whole "Your submission is a gift!" crowd and to be honest, it bugs the shit out of me. Not that they view their submission as a gift, that's their call to make, but the fact that they seem to think that other folks should view it the way they do and they get all whiney if you don't see things their way.

**DISCLAIMER: If you've never said that you think the whole submission as a gift idea is something EVERYBODY should buy into, this isn't about you.**

The thing is: It's a really lame analogy.
Think about it-
What do you do with a gift? You give it away, you don't have it any more, so if you give your submission to someone else, you don't have it any more and where does that leave you? Submissionless. Not a very good state to be in if you want to make your D-type happy by submitting.

Gifts are supposed to not have strings attached to them- Most folks give gifts without expecting something in return. I wouldn't say, "Here's your gift, now do something for me!" But most folks kinda expect there to be something in the whole D/s thing for them, unless maybe they really are that altruistic, but if they are then why do they need a D-type? They could just go submit to their cat (and everybody knows cats are far more demanding and cruel than any D-type could ever dream of being).

Once a gift has been given you can't take it back. There's no "Oops, this isn't working out, I'd like my submission back please" just like there's no taking back other things you've given as gifts (unless you're really, really tacky). "Hey Cookie, that Nerf gun I gave you 2 Xmases ago? I'm going to need that back now." See what I mean? Tacky.

Gifts don't have limits. You don't hand someone a Cuisinart Mixer and tell them they can only use it to make cake and cupcakes but absolutely no bread and they can't use it on Tuesdays. My submission comes with limits, they might be few and far between but they still exist.

Generally people don't have to earn a gift. You don't say to your kid, "I'll give you this birthday present if you do the dishes." You don't make your spouse prove that he's worthy of the gift you're about to give him... But I don't know anybody (with any sense in their heads) just *give* someone their submission without having learned if that person is capable of managing it well first.

So the gift analogy fails in my book and it's not how I choose to see my submission to Cookie.

But, if it's not a gift then what is it?

For me, it's just the way I orient in a relationship. It's that simple. I prefer being the partner who isn't calling all the shots and to be frank- It gives me a tickle in my potty when Cookie is bossy. There's nothing flowery or romantic about submission to me, it's just part of who I am.

The only thing I've really given Cookie is the authority to call the shots (excepting shots that concern my kids), but even that's not a gift because I can take it back at any time if I need to.

There is no gift in my D/s. If you want your D/s to involve gift giving and romantic notions, that's your call to make, but please quit telling me that I have to subscribe to that notion too because I won't.